Dear Noah:

Well I did finally manage to get you out of the house today long enough to make a run to Big Lots. You did NOT want to go though. I have bribed you with saying you can record if you do things and you cannot record if you don't. Since you love recording things right now with my camera, you usually comply whether you want to or not.

However, you were NOT yourself whatsoever at the store. You were super quiet in the car on the way there. We did take some books on CD for you to listen to which you enjoyed.

Got to the store and you wanted to stay in the car. Finally got you out of the car and into the store. You got on the end of the shopping cart like always but that is where the "old you" disappeared. There was no semblence of your former self.

From there on you hung on the end of the cart, bent over with your head pushed down inside the empty shopping cart as far as it could go. You did not look up at anyone and did not want to walk around...did not want to look at the toys or see or be around people. I think you were literally tuning the entire world out around you..or you were giving it your best effort.

At the check out you found some display patio furniture to sit on. We looked over at you. You seemed as if someone had drugged you. You were a sitting ZOMBIE. TOTALLY tuning or trying to tune everything out around you. You could not wait till one of us was done checking out to take you back out to the car. I cannot recall a time you sat so still and quiet before since you were born.

You showed no real signs of life until we got back home and you immediately went up our steps to the door and was playing with the door. You sounded like your old self there again. AND have been so in the house too.

I had the digital recorder with me and was going to film you at the store. BUT my batteries were low so I could not. However, you were not yourself at all.

Meanwhile I did get a call finally about starting your physical therapy at least. We will try for every other Monday from 9:15 till 10:00 a.m. Should prove interesting and hopefully you will be able to go and enjoy it enough to keep going. Or else we will have to get someone to come into our home and provide your therapies.

All more reminders we need to get you some income and on lists and waivers and things NOW so you can prepare more for your future needs. It could be you will always need someone around you to push and prod you to make sure you get things done in your life. Maybe you won't be able to work. I don't know. Time will tell. But just in case you cannot we need to think about the different options for those possibilities too. MOST start now. More paperwork, all time consuming. It is a wonder time is not a vacuum since so many things consume it. Wait....maybe it is?? haha.

Anyway...we still love you. Just lately it has become hard to see YOU in there.

MOMMY