Dear Noah:

SO.....today we took you to the park to ride your bike. You were all excited and happy. We got there and there were at least 3 huge lawnmower machines buzzing around mowing. Sometimes they scare you or over excite you but you did well. You rode up to where you were going to ride around. You saw 2 other kids and their mommies there already. One kid was probably a year or two older than you and also had a 2 wheeler. As soon as he saw you riding he decided he was going to ride too. You were in your own little world singing and making sounds as you rode around the circle path. Then this other boy asked me if you could race. I was about to tell him No...you were too little but he took off. He kept trying to catch up to you and ride around you, etc. You were oblivious to him...UNTIL..............he finally decided to come alongside you from behind. You had no idea he was even there. You were singing and smiling and happy and pedaling....and here came the other kid trying to pass you up. You came around the corner and the other boy buzzed on past you. You looked at him and stopped right where I was sitting and let out a blood curdling scream! I could see your hands tighten on the handlebars and you were crying and crying. I tried to calm you down and tell you the boy was not chasing you or trying to catch you or race you (when he really was I guess). You kept saying "he was going too fast, he was going too fast". You kept gripping the handlebars and I think if I had not been right there you would have thrown the bike across the sidewalk. But you stayed put on the bike and kept crying and crying. You calmed down and the other mother told her son to quit showing off. He got off his bike and quit riding. I told you that it was okay for other kids to ride their bikes at the park too and if they rode past you to let them get past you and not worry about it...to keep looking straight ahead to where you were going and not pay attention to the others. You took off riding. The others all left. You were once again alone at the park with mommy and daddy happily riding your bike.

This reminded me though of when you took part in the school Fun Run last fall. You always thought you had to be out front and not let anyone pass you. However, with your low muscle tone you did not have the strength to keep that pace up. You got so upset when other kids came too close to you or tried to pass you up. You stuck out your arm and tried to hold them back. Your little body finally gave in to the pressure and sensory overload and you dropped to your knees. Another boy's dad came by walking his son and you grabbed his hand and walked alongside them the rest of the time. I kept trying to tell the teacher and para that you could not handle a FUN RUN and run 20 laps. I guess because we did not have any official diagnoses back then they did not want to hear it? BUT you DID run 11 laps I think and you did them very well!

AND of course back when you went to public school....you felt you always had to BEAT EVERYONE in the front door. SO when we pulled up in the mornings heaven forbid if there were any other kids also walking up at the same time. You would shout "come on, hurry, faster faster, there are kids coming!" and off you would go running full speed ahead to the door. You still do that today when we are walking into the library or Target! We keep telling you it is not a race. To let the others walk past you. This is bothersome to you which I have since found out does bother some autistic people. Even grocery shopping there cannot be other people coming behind us down an aisle or you panic and have to "HURRY HURRY, there are people coming!" all over the place again.

SO you rode your bike for awhile but finally got off and played on the slides. However I noticed you limping. You cannot even ride your bike for long without it bothering your right knee. We have taken you to the doctor to have it checked and he thinks it is due to your low muscle tone. I think they should x-ray it to make sure though I highly doubt that would go well. Not after all the other specialist disasters lately. I would think you could handle it as it would require you just sitting still on a table. Maybe I could be in there with you. Anyway the doctor thinks it is just low muscle tone and a tight hamstring from that and that once you begin physical and occupational therapy it will improve. I worry of course and wonder as you cannot even walk after these episodes and ask to be carried. You did not walk in Target but rode in the cart. Daddy had to carry you to the cart and out of the cart to the car. YOU DID make it up our steps here at home though.

Anyway...you have a long way to go for strength and endurance!

I got you a new Thomas the Tank Engine video. You are watching it now. We came in and you smelled my chicken cooking and you said "mmmm...smells like heaven in here!" Tears welled up in my eyes. You are amazing to me!

I LOVE YOU MY LITTLE MAN!

Mommy