Monday, August 19, 2013

Dear Noah.....a painting of you when little...

just decided to do a painting of you when you were little  yesterday...and I like how it turned out. You then asked if I could do one of you and how you look I guess that will be my next project.

I love very much Noah.


Saturday, August 03, 2013

Dear Noah...Monster trucks are in town....

and you got to see one up close and personal. They are having a show at our local racetrack (Eldora Speedway) so we may go and see it....we have  not really decided for sure. Since it is OUTdoors it might be okay and the sound would  probably not bother you too much..though I imagine we still might need ear protection. I think about how far we may have to walk or go up any steps into bleachers..etc...and wonder if I can maneuver ...but we will see. It is supposed to rain but maybe the weather will hold. Here you are with Captain Curse...

On another note entirely, I realized the last few days that kids with autism as they go through life are a lot different than their all their accomplishments and achievements are some of the same milestones their peers have already achieved a long time ago. Some kids with autism may never even achieve simple developmental milestones, whether they be physical, emotional or both. Most are private and personal...and there is no big award ceremony or banquet or big public display of acknowledgment for what you have accomplished.

While I am okay with this (as I am sure you are Noah)...I do try to make all the things you finally do overcome a big deal here for you personally...or at least I try to. Personally, I do not hold necessarily higher esteem for someone who can do certain things more so than someone else. So what, you know? But the PUBLIC RECOGNITION of their accomplishments exists for them, whereas for someone like you, at least right now with your TYPE of accomplishments, you will most likely not experience this. Most of your achievements probably seem very small to most people....and most would wonder why you have not already mastered them.

This has made me feel odd and I am not sure why. I have spent the last few days trying to figure out what bothers me about any of this. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think it is because all your achievements and goals you meet are JUST AS BIG and IMPORTANT as anyone else's and while maybe not being able to be publicly recognized, should somehow still be recognized. But we don't have award ceremonies for an autistic child approaching his teen years (for example) who has finally learned to go do number 2 all by himself and wipe his own bottom. We don't hold banquets for autistic kids who can finally let something "go" that used to bother them and take over their whole day with worry and repetition or meltdowns. No one is there to acknowledge when you finally can print  your name or write anything at all, even though it still might look like it was handwritten by a 2nd grader. There is no announcement to the masses when you can finally go up to another child and say hello and ask them their name without prompting. The list is long and I could go on and on....but the end is the same.

I imagine most in our immediate world around us, while recognizing you have come a long way, probably still have no real idea of just how far that has actually been. Most do not ever even ask. Most do not make any comments to me, let alone to you.

Here, your autism comes in handy as you really do not care lol...and part of me does not either....and yet I still feel odd about it all. Do I think you are missing out on something? Am I afraid others think  you are somehow LESS than they are? NOT keeping up?

I know you will surpass many in your lifetime. I have no worries. I also know there are many areas where you will likely always be a little bit or a big bit behind your peers. That is okay too, though I do admit I worry about your safety sometimes in the world.

I love you Noah no matter what. We will continue plugging along with school and working on things to prepare you to be on your own one day. It is, I guess, more of a "private" thing we do...and I guess as long as we know what is happening, that is all that really matters anyway.

Mom (still want to say Mommy but I know you don't call me that anymore)

You are growing up so fast. I love you.