Dear Noah......your thoughts on committing suicide.....

We took a trip to see Grandma C. today......it was so nice outside so we all sat outside on the lawn chairs and you in the swing...it was very nice! While outside grandma mentioned something about a man committing suicide....and you interrupted and wanted to know if he had a WEAPON....if he committed suicide with a weapon.

Grandma said yes.......you had this smirky look on your face...right now weapons seem to sort of fascinate you.

I asked you if you knew what suicide meant......you did. You said it is when someone kills themselves. I asked you where you heard about it......you said it was just "in your mind".....an answer you give to me frequently.

You then told about ANOTHER way someone could commit suicide.......and that was BY A TRAIN! You had seen online on a RR site you go to all the time ...someone mentioning about a man who apparently committed suicide by walking into the path of a train.

I tell you that is NOT a good thing to do and I asked you if you understood that. You said you did.....but with the same breath you then said if you could make it where you had like MANY lives....like 9 or 10.....or more like characters on your videogames....you would take your life......I guess to "see what it was like?" (your thinking you would still have 8 lives left....etc.....no big deal).

I don't really understand this and hope this semi-infatuation fades quickly. I know while you can give me the definition of what committing suicide means....I still don't think you totally grasp the concept behind death and killing...etc. I also let you know this did not make me feel very comfortable hearing you talk like this.

You have also been mentioning a lot lately how you wish you could invent a TIME TRAVEL machine....so you could go to different places and see things (mainly toilets and restaurants or parks) you have been to before in the past or in the future as an adult man. I find that fascinating and told you to study hard in science and math!

I know you wish someone were here and living here with a gun.....because you have told me many times you would feel safer because they could then just shoot and kill an intruder.

I know kids are fascinated with guns and such...especially boys......BUT I pray to GOD you avoid accidents and getting involved in things you shouldn't....especially when you may not understand them very well.

I love you Noah.....but you make me a little nervous sometimes.......for YOU.....not me.

Mommy
XOXOX