Dear Noah:

Well....today you did not feel too well. You seemed tired and acted like you were just not your normal self. You also had diarrhea! You seem to be doing a bit better now at night. We put up our halloween decorations today. Can't believe we got the outside all done.

I will only do the inside WHEN AND IF I get it all cleared away and stuff moved so we have ROOM to decorate! May not be this year except for like 1-2 pumpkins or something simple.

You were sad today. You saw me talking to the neighbors downstairs and kept telling me you wanted their 2 kids to come up and play with you and be your friend. We keep telling you that you have to learn to consistently be a good friend in general before you could make long-term friends. There are too many times you freak out over little unpredictable things still. I did tell the father downstairs you had autism. His wife is a teacher so maybe they will understand better. His one son apparently is slow learning. He said his son talking to Noah was the first time he had ever talked to someone like that. He normally doesn't talk much at all.

SO....anyway....you were sad they did not or could not come up. Then you cried and went on and on about wanting to have MANY friends that would come to your home so you could play. This makes me sad. I told you even if we lived somewhere around relatives you would not see them ever day. EVEN if you had many friends you would also not see them every day. WHO knows where you and the kids downstairs may lead in the future. I don't really know the parents well and am leary as I am sure they are, about having you play with their kids. Maybe one day in a general spot other than our homes. I don't know.

You finally got over it. I told you we were working on getting you around other kids and in classes to learn how to be a better friend in general. AND we will be getting you involved in time with more church things so you can be friends with the kids there hopefully. As far as someone coming over to our home or you going to theirs however, that may never be a day that will happen till you are much much older if ever. I know that sounds harsh but it is what we have to deal and live with. There are too many variables and unknowns to think about happening if you went to play somewhere other than with supervision by someone who knows about autism, etc.

I could allow kids to come here to play when I am here with you. I would feel comfortable with that. So that may be able to happen. BUT you going to someone else's house without me or daddy being there is not a possibility now anyway.

So....I felt bad about all this as you so want friends and kids to play with and yet at the same time you just can't always handle it. Even going to speech therapy and sometimes you run into a couple of kids there you freak out if they play with the same beads you are playing with. I mean FREAK OUT. SO......this is what I mean. You have many things to learn yet on being social and more friendly and sharing of things with others in order for others to want to be around you. I remember in preschool when the teachers kept telling us the other kids were AFRAID to be around you. This again makes mommy sad because when kids see you act like you do sometimes that is exactly what happens. They don't understand it and become afraid and don't want to be around you for fear you might hurt them I suppose.

SO my heart is ripped in two each time this happens. Now I know why we decided to homeschool you. Having to go through that every day is tough. You only have a few episodes of experiencing that now if any...which is better for us all. However, you crying about not having friends rips my heart to shreds!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH...and I promise to do the very best for you!

Mommy