Dear Noah.. "I Just Want To Die!"

You are staying home today. You slept in very late and then woke up crying saying your stomach was very upset. When prodded further you told me about getting moved yesterday to a new section in your classroom.....which made you cry all over again. Apparently yesterday during school you even said you "wanted to die" after you got moved so all the girls you now sit with wrote "STOP" on your paper which upset you so you erased it and proceeded to bang into the lockers directly behind your seat, which got you into trouble.

It bothers me tremendously to hear you say you were "dying" or "felt like dying" because of any circumstance. Again while that is huge improvement for you to be able to verbally express yourself.....it tears me up that you feel so strongly in a negative fashion about all this. I know you tend to keep a lot of things bottled up inside yourself.....and with your additional diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder, I imagine some things cannot ever be easy for you.

You seem upset about the move mainly because you are now with ALL girls who apparently are always trying to redirect you to do the right things by saying stop or writing stop..etc., anytime you do something you should not be doing. You went on and on about this a lot......about how you used to sit in a section with "both" boys and girls and now you are surrounded by girls....and girls who tell you to STOP all the time, etc. You apparently also told your parapro yesterday that you did not want to be in school anymore or that classroom, etc., then you told me the same thing today. I am sure this is part of your intestinal issues today as your emotions tend to play out in your gut. I guess you get that from me.

Regardless of all your drama that you can sometimes try to employ for your benefit...this will take some time to perhaps work through and get you to accept, if you can ever really accept it and not continue working against it. I am not trying to make excuses for you but it does take you so much longer than an average child to handle changes in your environment, etc. I asked you about returning to school on Monday and how you would handle it any better then. Maybe if one other boy could sit with you in that section it would be helpful? Of course you suggested Aaron because you said he is the nicest boy and you liked him....etc. (of course this is the same little boy you wave to after school and blew that kiss to that one day after school....which is yet another story). SO I am not sure that idea is all that great either as you might be too friendly and wanting to hug or who knows what because you are sitting with someone you really like.

I don't know what to say to you. I have explained to you that it is OKAY to move desks around and be in different groups with different boys and girls and that would happen throughout your lifetime and in most classrooms from time to time....and that it is a great way to meet new
people and try new things and again I reassured you with another "it is okay." You again only reiterated the fact that you are the ONLY boy sitting with ALL girls. I have to sort of laugh at that because I think it is amazing you have even recognized this at all and do not like it......something you would not have even noticed before let alone cared about. I think this is progress but also sadly a potential problem because now you are too focused on all the girls around you constantly trying to redirect you (or so it seems to you) that you can no longer focus on anything else. This will nag at you and nag at you until some sort of resolution or happy medium is reached.

I did send a note to your teachers today and because of the intestinal issues OR reported intestinal issues I allowed you to add an extra day on your long holiday weekend. We will have to continue to work through this and come up with a solution we can all live with.

Meanwhile....I still love you.....and hope and pray I can help keep you from ever feeling like you want to die again.

Mommy
XOXOXOX