Saturday, March 17, 2007

Dear Noah...




You never used to watch tv much at all. Occasionally some videos sure. Television? Not much. There were a few shows you got stuck on occasionally...like EMERIL....30-minute meals, Paula Dean, Dog Whisperer......House Hunters......any home improvement stuff.....most all the Discovery shows you have enjoyed along with National Geographic.

You loved Noggin and Nick Jr. shows but did not really watch them much. You especially liked Little Bill, Franklin, Miffy, Maisy Daisy, Dora the Explorer, Jimmy Neutron, Little Bear, etc. When really little you did get into Bear in the Big Blue House and a few other shows on Disney.

Since living here you have had a television in your room but you only recently started to turn it on and watch it. NOW while sitting at your computer you also turn on the tv. The TV will usually stay on the entire time you are in your room and also on your computer! You stick to one channel now mainly Nick Jr. You have an entire new set of shows you seem to be almost addicted to...such as the Avatar, Naked Brothers Band, Dora, Blues Clues, The Odd Family (something like that) and then there is SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. You seem fascinated with them all and when I ask you about a show you almost act like a kid caught with their hands in the cookie jar...not wanting to share much about them with me...telling me to go look it up on WIKIPEDIA.....and acting like maybe they are shows I would find less than desirable for your young impressionable mind to watch.

SO I asked you if they said bad words on these shows, or did bad things. You usually tell me no. Today I went into your room to check on something and you had the tv on and you quickly grabbed your remote and tried to turn the tv off...not wanting me to see what you were watching. I knew it was a kid channel so I figured how bad could it be and it made me wonder why you would have that sort of a reaction. You got very upset and hide your eyes and closed your eyes and gritted your teeth and your face turned red and you finally had to manually go over and turn the TV off when the remote failed to do so. YOU DID NOT want to share any information on the show.....and because of a certain boy's name on the show.....you somehow thought that was bad. JOSH....short for Joshua. I am not sure why you would think a nick name would be a BAD thing. I explained to you about nicknames and how someone for example could call me MEL..short for Melinda. Once you understood that and seemed to realize it was okay...you easily turned the TV back on.

MOST shows you will not share with me..you will ask me to leave your room and if I want to know about the show to go look it up online or the other tv in the living room. I find this interesting...this whole switchover..and reasonings behind your actions. I am just trying to understand it all......and I think you are just starting to grow up more......wanting some things to be just FOR you in your special place...YOUR ROOM without your mom playing 21 questions in the background. THAT I get.

okay...see..I have rambled on in my own mind about 30 minutes on this now. AND that was just the sitting down to type it time..not the time I also spent thinking about this prior to typing it out.

Noah....I love you..very much

mommy :X

5 comments:

Kindness (disarms the difficult) said...

I have wanted to post to your blog for a long time 'coz I know what you are going through. I apologize that this comment hasn't much to do with this post but I have niece who just turned 25... she is with autism as I like to to put ther person before the disability. She is not as high functioning as Noah so I love reading what you write.

You are a fantastic mom, a good writer... you should write a book.

Melinda, mom of Noah said...

Thank you kindness! Thank you for the very encouraging words about my writing and motherhood, so good to hear on a night when I feel extremely discouraged.

I started this diary to my son a short time after his diagnosis.....or right before. My plans were to eventually make it in book form. So that is the plan eventually.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment too. You are welcome anytime and I am glad you enjoy what you read!

Kindness (disarms the difficult) said...

you go girl... I am sure this is the time of the day when you take a deep breath and connect with others out there in the blogosphere. Noah is sleeping? Or maybe not as children with autism often have sleep disorders. Molly used to stay up all night long leaving me with only sporadic restful sleep.

Thank you for your comment on my blog... you stop by anytime and write me if you want... my email addy is on my profile. I know how painful and lonely life as a mom to a child with this disability can be...

isn't buffalo the shit?

children with autism are a rare gift. you have to be pretty special to have one of your own... but you know that... deep down... you keep your head up... you are doing a fine job

I have been through much of it with my sister... the stares... the "why can't you control your child" looks during the temper tantrums...

Perhaps a post about my Molly is in order... we have such a good time when we are together. She is nonverbal for the most part but will laugh at a good joke when told one... or a fart... that really gets her going... LOL

you get an add to my blogroll... you do! and I will send my sis your blog addy as she is always looking for similarly challenged moms.

Melinda, mom of Noah said...

wow without sounding extremely pathetically needy....I have to say your posts here made me cry. I thank you ....from the bottom of my heart.....for taking the time to stop by...leave a comment....to show you give a damn. That means everything to me.

Yes....when Noah is asleep as he is now....is usually when I can take that deep breath. AND that is usually when I realize how alone I am...and that is extremely difficult. I usually work from home during this time so that helps. AND of course I write and write and write. It soothes my soul and is something I have to do.

I cannot believe you are adding me to YOUR blog roll. I am honored.

Stop by anytime. I WILL definitely write you sometime via email and please feel free to do the same anytime or even tell your sister she can.

Thanks again! You have made my night a much better one!

Melinda, mom of Noah said...

oh...LOL...and Buffalo.....yes....he is a most amazing man...