Dear Noah......

Your friend Trevor was in school today. So it was not him that died in the fire. The school did place large green tarps up on the playground fence so you cannot easily view the house across the street anymore from the playground or the classroom windows. That is probably best.

When I dropped you off this morning and was sitting in the truck waiting till you went inside the building I noticed another little boy behind you.....actually a couple hovered around you..but the one......ended up pulling and jerking you around from behind with your backpack. It was all I could do to sit there and not try to intervene. I am fully aware kids will be kids and kids have to learn how to stand up for themselves and handle situations like this. You will be no different. BUT you are different in the fact that your emotional maturity is at least 2 years behind everyone else.....perhaps even more. Sigh...... this means if someone more emotionally mature and WITH it than you catches on you are different in any way..they can sometimes purposefully choose to pick on you or set you up......by provoking you in this manner to get you to react and if and when you do......you are the one who ends up in trouble.

I thought to myself perhaps you were all just playing around.....horsing around like little boys will sometimes do. I know you do not like to play too rough and have never played that way......and I for one never encouraged it.....because a few years back if you got too rough you could sometimes misinterpret actions from other children and explode......or get hurt......or hurt someone else and get into trouble. I always found it easier to just remove you from the situation entirely......and told you to always just get away from kids like that.......to avoid them. I began preaching to you how we "do not play that way" and you willingly agreed and it made you feel better and safe.

You have done very well and have also learned to not react with physical reactions to other children even if they do things to tick you off. I saw you stand there......hands to your sides like you have been coached to do. NOT reacting......and finally when the kid almost knocked you down and I almost got out of the truck to scream to the top of my lungs......you did turn around and smiled but tried to push him back. You missed as he moved out of the way......and that is why I thought maybe you were all playing. I know you do not always understand if someone is playing or actually trying to harass you. This makes it extremely difficult. This makes you an unfortunately easy target. I know YOU sometimes seem to ENJOY being shoved or being pushed around. It is a sensory thing. I have worked hard to teach you to not shove or push.

So......this was disturbing. Your parapro who is normally on the playground right by your side which would likely always thwart off this type of activity..was not present this morning on the playground. This is another reason why I think it important that someone is always present to monitor you and your situations.....to prompt and direct you on how to respond........to coach you. It is a constant thing. I think sometimes people do not understand the consistency and constant repetition required to have things make that connection of synapses within your brain that you can call upon later all by yourself if the same situation came up. You really do need someone to be there all the time.......even if from afar which is fine. If the parapro had been there today you would probably not have had this issue come up at all.

AND I talked to you about it today after school. You were in a very grumpy mood......not wanting to talk about it. This is NOT your character. You are always such a happy, lovable boy. I know you are changing and getting older and it can be difficult at best for anyone. I finally got out of you the name of the boy.....and the fact that you said this boy has told you he hates you. When I asked you how this made you feel......you said it makes you nervous. I can totally understand that.

You also told me you moved from the Green zone to the Yellow zone because you tried kissing your parapro on the arm. I know they are trying to get you to break that. I asked you WHY you tried to kiss your parapro's arm......you confessed "because I have a crush on her!" which I found so adorable.

In many ways you are growing up....or trying. You are not always sure how to react to these changes. I imagine it can be very confusing at times and disturbing to you.

I did send an E-mail to the teachers just to let them know what happened today so they can make sure to keep an eye out. I would hate to see this kid provoke you to some sort of physical outburst where you get yanked from school or in big trouble. I do not want you to be separated from the class either if you do not have to be. I am still very hopeful this will continue to go pretty well and they can finish assessing you this week so we can all meet and set up any special plan for you that needs to be set up. I apologized to them if I came across as the mom from hell because I have contacted them a couple of times already this year via E-mail. I said nothing bad or inappropriate. I just wanted to send them an FYI. BUT I doubt many other moms do that. They probably just let the kids work it out for themselves. BUT this is one of those areas where I cannot sit back and just let you all work it out among yourselves. The outcome is not predictable......and you honestly do not always understand what is going on let alone how to respond back to someone. THAT makes me very nervous.

I know I cannot protect you all the time. I do pray and ask God to watch over and protect you whenever I am not there beside you. I also ask that He watch over your teachers and classmates. I am not sure what to do with a child when another child at a school physically picks on them. I suppose if it escalated into a big problem something would need to be done. As far as I know it has not been like that.

I am anxious myself tonight......very difficult for me to concentrate. I have not been able to get all my work done yet and I have been sitting here off and on all day long.

I love you Noah....very very much.

Mommy
XOXOXOX