Friday, August 11, 2006

Dear Noah: last night's meltdown

so...it was bedtime. I was in my room...you in yours. You had been on your computer and I asked that you start getting things turned off and picked up to get ready for bed. This you do very well....and I gave you a 5 minute warning for a stopping time.

Your door was shut as you now tell me all the time "I want some privacy" so I could not hear you well when you apparently were answering my yelling in at you "did you turn off your computer yet?". This frustrated you....as I guess you were telling me you already HAD turned it off...and you were already even IN bed! You were almost scream/yelling this to me but I could not make it out as your door was shut. I said you needed to get up and pee one more time before going to bed. SO you did but when you came out you were so frustrated and crying.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I ALREADY TURNED OFF THE COMPUTER AND I WAS IN BED". I said no I did not hear you as the door to your room was shut...and you just got madder and madder and more frustrated. You then lost it at least momentarily. I could see the anger welling up inside you and you just had to let it out. Now we have worked on HOW to release this frustration for over 3 years now. You still have your "CALM DOWN" book that you used for a couple of years which basically taught you to stop....take 5 deep breaths and calm down.........then to think of something else you could do instead to rid yourself of those bad feelings. We used pictures with velcro backs ......the book was not long and easy to read. You could read it and look at the pictures and work through it and it did work wonders with you. SO NOW finally it comes almost naturally to you as to what to do.

You immediately KNOW you are not behaving in an ideal manner or reacting OVER THE TOP....so you JUMPED UP AND DOWN and stomped on the floor really hard 5 times in a row and tossed a book down hard on the floor and then dropped to the floor in a fetal position as you usually do and you covered your head and face so I would not see you (even though I still really can). You took a few moments and I went about my usual business not placing too much attention on all this. I have found recently if I do not place too much attention on these temporary outbursts you get over them quicker. SO I said that everything was fine...and that you would need to pee before bed....and I picked a few things up in my room and went about my business......you then just came over and started to hug me and cry and cry....hugging me so tight. I imagine your world is extremely frustrating and confusing and over-emotional most days and nights.

I said it was OKAY that I could not hear you cause the door was shut and I was sorry I did not hear you but that everything was fine now.....you still had to come out of your room to pee....so it did not matter....no big deal.....and to always remember to CALM down first when you get angry or frustrated about something...and not to yell...but to TELL me things. You were very clingy but soon recovered...in fact this entire episode did not even last 5 minutes....far far less time than a few years ago when this could have gone on for a long long time...I mean hours...or you would rehash it all day long.

SO yes....you are growing up...becoming more mature....handling your feelings a bit better even though many things in our environment can still be triggers for you.

I love you my little man.....always have....always will.

mommy :X

3 comments:

kyra said...

wow! noah reminds me so much of fluffy. the same thing happens with him, his growing frustration and ANGER over me asking about something he's already done! his anger attacks are very similar! and also much better than they used to be. we work on this a lot. he has a mad place in his room to go to and we are working on deep breathing. he tells me, 'the anger comes with SO MUCH ENERGY mom. i dont' know how to get rid of it!' i love the sound of your book. i may try that!

Melinda said...

the book worked really well! HOPE it does for fluffy too!

Noah has said similar things.....how it is "just in my mind" or "I feel it everywhere in my body" .....

LynAnne said...

Good for Noah! Not that he had the meltdown, but that he recovered so well on his own! We need to come up with a calm down book also. We've used a choice board ("When I feel angry/frustrated/etc I can..." followed by 4 choices) but it didn't work very well.