Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Dear Noah:

Well we started VIRTUES in homeschool. Trying to teach you something a bit abstract may be difficult however. Not completely sure yet. We are starting on KINDNESS and SHARING.

Anyway, you had speech therapy today. I explained even before we left that you would have to "share" any toys in the waiting room with other kids that MIGHT come in. Or take turns. To be kind. To be careful around little kids.

Most times you do well. In the speech therapist's office and waiting area however you are a bit possessive. You don't want to share her with other people and you don't like sharing the beads with other kids. You want to play with the bead toys all by yourself.

SO you came out today after your speech therapy and saw other kids playing with "your beads". I have explained over and over that they are not just YOUR beads. However, you don't quite understand that. SO you go over and sit down and play WITH the other 2 little boys. All appears well. Till one takes a side of the beads you like to play with the best and turns the wheel and makes loud sounds. You then grabbed the beaded toy thing and swung it around to you so YOU and only you could do the same thing. The other 2 kids just looked at you in shock I think. AND then we tried to tell you to NOT be that way. Your father instead of using words always tries to "grab" you and pull you away from the problem....which I have told him over and over and over NEVER WORKS FOR YOU. I used to tell the teachers that all the time too. Never to GRAB you or try to pull you away from anything or any problem. Instead if you talk or even raise your voice and just POINT to a time out chair or spot you respond better.

So there was your daddy trying to PULL you by your arm out of the chair while the mother and 2 kids watched. You started having a fit. (I was busy talking to the speech therapist). FINALLY all I had to do was LOOK at you and tell you to get over to the chair for a time out and NOW! and you did it. No crying. No anything. You listen to me. You don't for your father. Not all the time anyway. AND it is because he is always trying to 1) LITERALLY PULL OR PUSH YOU to do what he wants, 2) or GIVING YOU THREATS he never keeps and 3) NEVER GIVING YOU A BETTER OPTION or choice to use in place of the bad behavior.

When you are having bad behavior, I always do NOT try grabbing you or pulling you. I talk to you and many times I DO have to raise my voice. NOT yell...just use a stern voice. You will close your ears to anyone who is yelling. I then never give you a threat and not keep it. IF I say to you that you will NOT get to do something if you don't listen I KEEP my word. However, I do not threaten you like that if I can avoid it. AND I ALWAYS direct you to a better option and substitute behavior for any bad behavior you have. I understand when you are stressed and overloaded and I avoid pushing you over the edge. I work around it. I can break things down into smaller more manageable portions for you to handle.

Maybe that is why we seem to get along so well together. I understand you. Your father still deals with the constant not understanding why you can't be just like every other kid when you are told to NOT do something. He still doesn't get that you cannot PULL you or GRAB you or be physical like that. AND that does not teach you anything anyway. HITTING you in any form even spanking would only teach you that you hit when you get mad. NOT a good thing to teach you. You have not been spanked often in your 6 1/2 years. Maybe twice? AND it was short and sweet and nothing dramatic or drawn out.

Most times now you do well but when you slip up you are starting to realize you goofed up and will come over and apologize right away. THAT is a GOOD thing to start to understand you are doing something or have done something inappropriate or wrong.

SO this entire rest of the day has been spent with you literally pulling hair out of your head. Making ALL KINDS OF SOUNDS and noises. We had school but you had a very hard time. We also played games in the bedroom and you calmed down more after that.

I know I sound LOUD many times. I don't like to sound loud. Sometimes I feel I have to talk LOUDLY as no one around me seems to be listening. Your daddy many times just does not listen to me. Says he does but he doesn't. This is extremely frustrating for your mommy! You listen but many times you just don't "get" what I am talking about. SO I guess I go around probably talking loud as I feel everyone around me listens to me! BUT I am changing. I am trying to talk quieter and softer and easier so everyone will have to listen better to hear me! Seems to be working better. I have a long way to go.

Here's to a great night of sleep as it is to cool off a lot tonight and be like fall for sure! We have NOT slept well the last couple of nights so maybe tonight we will both do better.

I love you!


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