Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Dear Noah:

Wondering how in the world we will manage things if I end up with no job or income at all. Trying to think of things I could do to make money if I need to. SO many things to think about...on TOP of all the things we already have to think about.

I do believe God will provide as He always does Noah. However, my human side still has a hard time butting out of God's business and waiting on HIS perfect timing. Since I cannot see the whole picture and end result and since I am human, this means your mommy tends to worry sometimes. Not worry like I used to cause in the back of my mind I DO know things will be okay somehow. BUT...I have a hard time blocking things from my mind and not thinking about them sometimes!

Otherwise, you have had some trying times the past few days to week. The littlest thing can make you cry in frustation. Thank goodness it does not last too long....but some of the things you get upset about most would not understand. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding! BUT I think I "get you" pretty well now and I can understand where you are coming from in most cases.

The other night you decided to try sleeping in your own bed. While I know eventually that HAS to happen, I sure did miss you in my bed snuggling up with me! I also worried about you in your room and wondered if you were okay or if you would sneak out or what if someone came in and I did not hear them and tried taking you away and then of course all the MOMMY WORRIES started. I tried to think of you as a regular kid who would most likely some day LOVE to have a room to themselves and be alone in it! However, so far you have not really been that type and you seem to really enjoy being with me and Daddy which we love!

I have continued to let you sleep in our bed when you want as it is usually just me in it anyway when I go to bed as you daddy is not going to bed at that time. AND it is easier to KNOW exactly where you are at all times and not worry about you or wonder if you are out of your room or out the door or into something in another room or out on the balcony. Just easier to know you are right there safe beside me. Once Daddy comes to bed I then have to get up anyway....so it just seems okay to not push you out of the bed yet as you are so insecure about things. I suppose I am not helping that along (though I NEVER tell you things I worry about!)

We went to Super Target today and you wore your orthotics in your shoes. Then surprised me by saying you had to go play at the park after shopping. Course we had no time and it was too hot then and by the time we were done shopping your feet and legs were starting to hurt a bit. Not quite completely used to the orthotics! BUT while shopping in Target you cried a bit because I told you we would probably NOT have time to go play at the park and it would be too hot then.

You soon got over it. You found a new toy shopping cart to buy and have been playing with it since!

Warm again today. AND now windy....it may storm later which will be great if it does!



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