Dear Noah:

Well you have not wanted to go anywhere the past 2 days. You have not even wanted to get out of your PJs and/or brush your hair or teeth. In your words, "I'm not going anywhere today". I eventually either coax you to get dressed or at least brush your hair and teeth. What was just an occasional thing is now something you want to do every few days for a couple days at a time. Now today is Friday....EAT OUT day as you say...so I imagine you will WANT to get dressed so you can go out.

I wonder about these episodes and if there are fleeting or something new you are starting? I don't worry too much about them at least for now, as I personally don't care if there are days when you would prefer staying in your PJs all day. However, am I wrong for doing that?

I guess time will tell.

RAINING and so nice and great sleeping weather. Guess that is why you are still in bed!

I LOVE YOU my little sweetie pie!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

So...they all keep saying how you are all about MOVEMENT and cannot sit still and have to constantly move to be happy or just BE in the world. I have been noticing that occasionally. Last night we were reading some library books. That is already a bad time for you as you are getting tired and have been overloaded all day. We did not go anywhere that day however, not to a park, not to a store, not anywhere. You wanted to stay home. We did. SO on those days I have noticed sometimes you are even worse at night and require more movement than you would if you had gotten out that day to play.

Anyway, we were reading books on the sofa. Problem was you could not actually SIT to listen to the stories. I finally decided to not say anything and see what you would do. I sat and read and you proceeded to lay stomach first over the arm of the sofa, and fall down to the floor on the other side, get back up, throw yourself back on the sofa and do the same thing all over again. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I lost track of HOW MANY times you did this. I would finally tell you to "sit down or I won't read any more stories to you" and you would. For about 2 seconds....and then the entire process would start again. Now I KNOW if we give you a fidget toy to sit and hold or use while we read you CAN SIT. I wanted to see if it was possible for you to SIT and LISTEN without the fidget toy. NO. Plain and simple. NO. I threatened to quit reading to you altogether if you could not sit still. You were very upset about that prospect. YOU FINALLY got a video tape and box it came in and MADE THAT YOUR FIDGET toy. You were able to sit still on the sofa as long as you kept dumping the tape out and putting it back in its box over and over again.

So there are classic examples of repetitive movement you must do just to survive I guess. We have successfully found things to give you to fidget with or even just hold in your hands which do allow you to sit successfully pretty well and for longer periods of time. At church now you don't require much if anything at all to be able to sit through that 30 minute sermon. You don't mind the 30 minute worship portion as you really get into that! We take your backpack filled with all sorts of things you can do including math problems, reading, fidgets, etc. Rarely do you use any for long now however. Most times you can sit well without anything.

So....the experiment really did not teach me much I guess other than you do indeed require an intense amount of movement. It is extremely hard for you to sit still for "listening" to stories. You can sit and read stories yourself without any problems and for long periods of time. SOMETIMES you can even sit and I can read to you without many if any problems.

Anyway, we read a total of 30 BOOKS! That does not include the books you listened and read to on CD and our Bible stories then last night before bedtime! SO I guess that is a lot. Funny, it did not seem like that long of a time to read though.

SO now we can take the books back Friday and pick up some more. Should be fun. I also got you 7 new books on CD to keep here at home and take with us on vacations. Those are so nice to have and I am so glad you are really getting into books on tape and CD!

I need to go for now. I love you my little Noah Wesley!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

So...we were watching a Thomas the Tank Engine video yesterday and there was a part in there where the coaches were "being naughty". You always get a mischieveous grin on your face when you hear that word. I asked you if you knew what it meant. I explained it to you. I then asked you if YOU were ever naughty. You just grinned. I asked if I were ever naughty. You said "no...you are very good and a very good mommy". I asked you if Daddy were ever naughty and you said "yes" and I asked what he did to make him naughty. You said "he always says NO>>>>>>>NO>>>>>>>>>NO>>>>>>>>to me all the time". I said "yeah well he does tell you no a lot doesn't he?" Then you said "then you yell too mommy!" I said "yeah I yell at daddy for yelling at you!"

I guess none of us should be yelling about anything huh?

And with that being said I am signing off for now as I am exhausted!

LOVE YOU Noah!

Mommy

Wish I had recorded you earlier

I wish I had recorded your biking episode earlier Noah. I guess that is a classic example of what I was talking about when I said autistic kids playing at parks or with other kids can be different than just another kid playing with other kids. It would have really captured it and shown others what we meant. While I thought about it when the kid was coming around you on that corner and I had my camera with me, I also was hoping that this time you would do well and respond okay and remain aloof to his presence.

But it was not to be today at least. Now...I have to ask myself, "did you learn anything from today's experience?". I am not convinced. I think if the same scenario played out again you might still be bothered. But you might also now be more aware and think to yourself, "mommy said it is okay for other kids to ride their bikes and they can go around me". But you have this competitive edge about you even when there is no competition going on. SO it would probably still get to you that another kid was passing you up or riding faster than you were.

Anyway....I love you!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

SO.....today we took you to the park to ride your bike. You were all excited and happy. We got there and there were at least 3 huge lawnmower machines buzzing around mowing. Sometimes they scare you or over excite you but you did well. You rode up to where you were going to ride around. You saw 2 other kids and their mommies there already. One kid was probably a year or two older than you and also had a 2 wheeler. As soon as he saw you riding he decided he was going to ride too. You were in your own little world singing and making sounds as you rode around the circle path. Then this other boy asked me if you could race. I was about to tell him No...you were too little but he took off. He kept trying to catch up to you and ride around you, etc. You were oblivious to him...UNTIL..............he finally decided to come alongside you from behind. You had no idea he was even there. You were singing and smiling and happy and pedaling....and here came the other kid trying to pass you up. You came around the corner and the other boy buzzed on past you. You looked at him and stopped right where I was sitting and let out a blood curdling scream! I could see your hands tighten on the handlebars and you were crying and crying. I tried to calm you down and tell you the boy was not chasing you or trying to catch you or race you (when he really was I guess). You kept saying "he was going too fast, he was going too fast". You kept gripping the handlebars and I think if I had not been right there you would have thrown the bike across the sidewalk. But you stayed put on the bike and kept crying and crying. You calmed down and the other mother told her son to quit showing off. He got off his bike and quit riding. I told you that it was okay for other kids to ride their bikes at the park too and if they rode past you to let them get past you and not worry about it...to keep looking straight ahead to where you were going and not pay attention to the others. You took off riding. The others all left. You were once again alone at the park with mommy and daddy happily riding your bike.

This reminded me though of when you took part in the school Fun Run last fall. You always thought you had to be out front and not let anyone pass you. However, with your low muscle tone you did not have the strength to keep that pace up. You got so upset when other kids came too close to you or tried to pass you up. You stuck out your arm and tried to hold them back. Your little body finally gave in to the pressure and sensory overload and you dropped to your knees. Another boy's dad came by walking his son and you grabbed his hand and walked alongside them the rest of the time. I kept trying to tell the teacher and para that you could not handle a FUN RUN and run 20 laps. I guess because we did not have any official diagnoses back then they did not want to hear it? BUT you DID run 11 laps I think and you did them very well!

AND of course back when you went to public school....you felt you always had to BEAT EVERYONE in the front door. SO when we pulled up in the mornings heaven forbid if there were any other kids also walking up at the same time. You would shout "come on, hurry, faster faster, there are kids coming!" and off you would go running full speed ahead to the door. You still do that today when we are walking into the library or Target! We keep telling you it is not a race. To let the others walk past you. This is bothersome to you which I have since found out does bother some autistic people. Even grocery shopping there cannot be other people coming behind us down an aisle or you panic and have to "HURRY HURRY, there are people coming!" all over the place again.

SO you rode your bike for awhile but finally got off and played on the slides. However I noticed you limping. You cannot even ride your bike for long without it bothering your right knee. We have taken you to the doctor to have it checked and he thinks it is due to your low muscle tone. I think they should x-ray it to make sure though I highly doubt that would go well. Not after all the other specialist disasters lately. I would think you could handle it as it would require you just sitting still on a table. Maybe I could be in there with you. Anyway the doctor thinks it is just low muscle tone and a tight hamstring from that and that once you begin physical and occupational therapy it will improve. I worry of course and wonder as you cannot even walk after these episodes and ask to be carried. You did not walk in Target but rode in the cart. Daddy had to carry you to the cart and out of the cart to the car. YOU DID make it up our steps here at home though.

Anyway...you have a long way to go for strength and endurance!

I got you a new Thomas the Tank Engine video. You are watching it now. We came in and you smelled my chicken cooking and you said "mmmm...smells like heaven in here!" Tears welled up in my eyes. You are amazing to me!

I LOVE YOU MY LITTLE MAN!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

Well I am slowly making use of the many autistic groups I had joined on Yahoo. SO helpful! I am meeting new people Noah and some parents of autistic kids who are willing to meet and have play dates! So...eventually we will get all this worked out and have some dates and times set up and we can actually go meet new people and you can play with their kids, as they already understand all my worries and concerns as they have some of the same themselves! Makes it much easier for everyone.

Anyway....now I have to slowly get you out of this recent bad habit you have had of wanting to go to bed so late! Like 10:30 or 11:00 p.m.!! WAY TOO LATE for you my little stinker bubble. SO we will be working on getting you and me back into bed no later than 9:00 or 9:30 p.m. as was our normal routine for so many years! You need at least 10 hours of sleep each night to have a good day the next day. When you stay up till 10:00 or after on rare occasions you rarely sleep in long enough then to get 10 hours so you have more difficult/trying days the next day. NOT fun for anyone.

I still love you though and always will my angel boy!

Mommy

And another thing (yes there is always another thing)

For anyone who has not been around an autistic child, it is not as simple as just letting your child go play with other kids. I wish it were that simple many times but the truth is it is not. There is so many things you have to think about and worry about. You worry your child will run off or hurt another child. MOST times this never happens but occasionally it does. Other parents sometimes look at you like you are not disciplining your child at all. Little do they know. Our lives are nothing but "rules, rules rules". Poor Noah has so many "rules" he has to try to remember or recall to just do basic living things. Most kids naturally KNOW what to do and not to do in certain social situations and play times. Noah does not and has to be taught everything. Then he has to practice those things over and over and over. AND he still may not recall what the correct thing is to do the next time round. He has to try to learn to control his emotions....something he does not even understand. Many and most times he is very lovable and friendly and shares his toys. Other times he freaks at the sight of another child just walking too close to him. There are times he lashes out when another kid tries to play the same thing he is playing. He is getting better at handling these things but he still has many trying moments.

So it is not as simple as saying "yeah okay...Noah you can go play with so and so". "Have fun!". We have to pretty much be present to "monitor" everything at all times. I don't mind this and in fact am now used to it. BUT it can be trying and sometimes it is just simpler to go to a park where there are no other kids playing. BUT I think Noah needs some social interaction.

Anyway...I just wanted to clarify the social outings. It is not quite as simple as other kids have it I guess. We can try to pretend it is all we want but the truth is it is not and it probably never will be.

Always something to think about or worry about:

Okay....I live here Colorado but all my extended family is back in Ohio. Noah is autistic and of course we don't have a social life to speak of out here. My husband's extended family we only see maybe 1-2 times per year or so....it is not like we go to someone's house for dinner every week or every other week or to visit a relative. He is not close to his family and I am but mine are 1200 miles away. I worry about Noah. We are currently home schooling him as the public school setting did not work out for him in Kindergarten. So he is not getting any socialization there. We take him to parks and play areas all the time but you see different kids all the time at those places and lately he freaks out if he sees anyone else coming to the park and has been preferring to play alone with us or leave if other kids come to the park. We go to church every Sunday but we have been hesitant about letting him participate in Kid's Church or Sunday school because of the prior events that happened at the regular school. I guess as a mother I am afraid he will not do well and run away and out of the room and come up missing or push/shove another kid when something happens that might set him off. I imagine one of us would have to be present with him everywhere he goes which is what we have basically done his entire life so far. He is 6 years old now. We do everything together. I would never dream of letting him go anywhere yet by himself or with other kids. He is extremely naive about any social skills and strangers..etc. It is just simpler to keep him with us at all times. BUT I am starting to worry I am making him a social misfit. AM I? I need to protect him but also allow him the opportunity to meet and play with other kids on a regular basis where he can actually "make" a friend. While we go to places all the time he is not making any friends he will ever see again unless by chance we happen across them again at the park one day. I don't mind always having Noah with us. I am used to it and prefer it and love it. My husband I know would like to be able to just go out sometimes just the two of us. We have never let Noah alone with a babysitter. We have never done anything without Noah. Not in his entire life. I cannot even fathom that idea right now. Not with his history of running away at school or around strangers, etc.

Does anyone have any advice to offer to a mother of a 6 year old austic boy as far as what I can do to help him make some friends or play with friends on a regular basis? I did hear about a social group that might get together for the summer for the area we live in. It sounds nice and I guess we could try that. But I would be interested in hearing about anything else any of you have done in the past for yourself or for someone else with autism? I just worry I am not doing nearly enough for Noah. I worry I am not providing him with all he needs. He will be restarting physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy soon. I guess he will make some friends there. But I think that is different. And I don't know how much he will get to do with other kids or just the therapists. I also don't like to make Noah attend social situations he does not want to attend. Many argue with me on this point. They say he "needs it". That "it is the only way he will learn to be more social and like social outings etc". I think that is a load of crap. I don't care how many social outings I have taken him on his entire life he has not changed in that regard. He likes to have outings and do social things most of the time. But there are times he does not want anything to do with them and I don't make him. I cannot see how forcing him to do so would make him learn anything. In fact I think it would have just the opposite effect.

Anyway...I my ears are open...

Dear Noah:

Well....we are having a hard time getting motivated today! Some days you don't even want to get out of your PJs. When asked "why not?" you reply "cause I'm not going anywhere today." Guess that makes sense. I sometimes don't get out of my PJs either...especially on Saturdays lately it seems we don't. I wonder if that is bad or wrong? I don't think so but some people probably would...haha. We usually don't go out much on Saturdays and to be honest we do so much running through the week that by Sat. I think we are all so exhausted I LOOK FORWARD to staying home and resting up!

My neck is stiff and sore today. I think I fell asleep in the car wrong yesterday after church on our way to look at houses. Brother...that is pretty sad Noah when your mommy cannot even stay awake and wakes herself up SNORING! I know chronic sleep deprivation can catch up with you but this is ridiculous!

Anyway.....warm today. I am tired already and I did not even stay up last night/this morning to work...I went back to sleep on the sofa. SO I have MORE work to do and am tired on top of it all.

Sorry Noah. Mommy is doing nothing but complaining it sounds like.

You are busy recording video clips. YOU LOVE recording video and sound clips right now. I am thankful I got that digital camera/recorder before Christmas last year. It has come in handy.

I better go. Lots to do and I think I need a nap before I can do any of them!

LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK AGAIN NOAH!!!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

Well Noah today we are going to look at new homes after church. We have not done it for some time and we decided to get serious about it again. I mean we need to seriously think about selling this condo so we can get a little bit bigger home and an actual HOUSE and not a condo or townhome. It is time. It is past time. We have no space for a classroom for you or a craft room or even a room to combine those 2 things. Everything is piled on top of each other it feels like. We have no garage here. While we like living here it is also older...and time will eventually mean requiring more things to be fixed. Today we found a leak in a hose (thank goodness only the hose) under the one bathroom sink. THANK goodness we had tons of toilet paper under the sink to absorb the water. A hose can be easily replaced but while we are at it we may replace the faucets and get someone to come out and give us an estimate on replacing the floor. We can paint any rooms needing it. BUT some things we will have to hire out. The bathroom has old lineoleum on it now that you cannot pull up so we will hire someone to come out and put new flooring over it I guess. Is not a big space so it should not cost too much.

I am hopeful if we paint a few things and replace a few more things and get all the clutter out of here like the Designed to Sell people say to do....we can sell this place pretty easily. So far however things listed around here don't seem to be selling all that fast. I really don't want to rent it out...but maybe it will come down to that. Others have said it is a wise investment to KEEP the property and rent it out. IF we did that it would make some things a bit easier now...providing we got a rental company to handle everything as they can screen people really well and we would get some good tenants in here! We could refinance to an interest only loan and charge enough rent to easily make that payment and then give us the ability to DOUBLE our payments and pay down the loan faster! Meanwhile this would build up equity in our home super fast and in a few years if the market is better we could sell it or keep it as investment property I guess if that seems a better fit for us in our life. SO I guess that is possible. In order to get a new home now though I think we have to have this place rented or at least a lease signed for like 1 year. The two rentals below us finally rented out. Pretty fast too. SO it is possible I guess.

Well..I need to get ready for church and you ready and then off to house hunt.

LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

We took some "screamer balloons" to the library park yesterday to test out. They were SO MUCH FUN!!! I will have to film some clips and post some here. They were not loud or irritating like in the past. They make a funny sound now and really FLEW HIGH AND FAR and all around before deflating and falling to the ground. It was so much fun and so funny! You had a ball and we even did some in the house when we got home. Fun there too but they could not fly as far or get around as much.

I then tried those skinny balloons to make animals and stuff but I am not very good at that yet. I am a bit leary about twisting the balloons once blown up for fear they will POP! Not sure how the clowns and other people who normally do this DO IT!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

It is funny. I am sitting here watching you right now spin the wheels of your new Giant Monster truck that is sitting upside down. This suddenly reminds me of how OFTEN you have done things like that over the years. I mean this supposedly is a "classic" sign of autism but I guess one we overlooked and wrote off for whatever reason. When you used to have a stroller we used to have to bring it out into the living room for you and turn it upside down where you would then sit for HOURS spinning those wheels and watching them spin around. Now the difference for you is that you always seemed to know what a toy was supposed to be used for and the proper way to play with a truck as a truck for example. You knew how to move it along and make truck sounds etc. You did not just sit and spin their wheels. However...turning things upside down so you COULD spin the wheels of many different things you would do periodically and sometimes during the playing with trucks or cars. Weird how we missed that connection all that time or we were not aware of it before perhaps. I do know you have always loved PINWHEELS and CEILING FANS and anything like that that spins around. You would lie in bed with your pinwheel in hand watching our ceiling fan over our bed spin around and you would also spin your pinwheel at the same time. Again we never really made that connection either which again are "classic" signs of autism? HUM....all seems strange to me now looking back I guess. I guess we have become more aware of the signs and symptoms of autism and people on the spectrum over time. SO many of these things I have even failed to let your pediatrician know about...which in turn could have probably been used to diagnose you sooner. Not that that really changes anything in the end but you probably could have been better UNDERSTOOD in school sooner and by others sooner and could have started some therapies sooner.

Anyway....I just had to sign back in to write this all down before I forgot it.

I love you Noah!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

We got some super storms last night all night and in fact it is still raining! We had flash floods all over Denver and cars and buses floating down the streets! It was an eventful night weather wise is all I can say. Noah you as usual enjoyed keeping up to the minute on the weather and once the lightening had cleared in our area you had me get back online so you could sign onto the local weather broadcasts and SATELLITE pictures to keep updated yourself on the weather conditions.

Speaking of which, you are now WAITING for me to get you back online to do the same thing this morning.

SO I will sign off now to do just that.

Later Gator!

Mommy

Dear Noah:

I tried to watch the old movie Rain Man last night but it was on so late (when I should be sleeping) and I needed to get some sleep so I could try to get up early to work...(which failed as I overslept and am now behind!). Anyway...the parts of the movie I STAYED AWAKE for were interesting. NOT that you are like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man Noah but...there were many things he did that you indeed do as well as I am sure many people with autism to any degree do. For example, the part right before I dozed off was when they were in the car going across the bridge and Dustin Hoffman was fascinated with watching the bars and road passing by the car ...and then he started humming and making a sound EXACTLY LIKE YOU DO whenever YOU are in OUR car and we are on the road somewhere. YOU DO THAT SAME THING EVERY TIME we are in the car. Especially when we go over overpasses or bridges. It is like you have tuned into the sound the tires make on the highway and you simimulate that same sound yourself via your hums and the sounds you make. Whenever we go across an overpass with like a wall alongside it you will follow that wall and any break in the wall which changes the sound our tires make on the road you also change the sounds you make to compensate for those breaks. AND if WE listen closely the tires and sounds the car makes when it travels across the roads DO make different sounds over bridges and overpasses and when there is a wall alongside it and not...etc. SO we have kind of I guess learned to tune you out when you make those sounds when we drive along unless you get too loud (which you usually don't). BUT this movie last night was so funny in a way as it immediately reminded me of you and the sounds you make when we are in the car traveling down the road! AND many times when Dustin Hoffman would "freak out" about things not being the "same"....that also reminded me of you although you have improved in this area tremendously. Him also not understanding simple concepts (usually social ones) also reminded me of you but again you have made tremendous progress. Now Dustin Hoffman could not understand money and the "value" of it but you seem to do that well as with any math.

Anyway...I just found some things interesting about the movie and YOU.

Just makes YOU that much more special to me if that were even possible Noah!

Love you so much!

Mommy

Noah in his room making sounds and "scoping" (to calm down)

Dear Noah

Today is Daddy's birthday. We picked out some shorts, a shirt and a new CD/stereo for him. You also made sure to stick a dollar in his birthday card which I thought was too cute!

Anyway....cake and frozen yogurt for everyone later! Daddy still does not yet know about his stereo...it is in my truck!

LOVE YOU SWEETIE PIE!!

Mommy

Noah getting over excited on mowing day-this is a good example of how he can get when he gets a sensory overload!

Noah recorded the last 2 clips himself

Yes...Noah you recorded the last 2 clips yourself where you were calling out to your Daddy to come and play with you. You are amazing at lining up your face in the digital video camera. But anyway...these clips are good examples of how relentless you can be!

BUT I STILL LOVE YOU REGARDLESS!

Mommy ;)

After Keith telling him to stop here is Noah doing the same thing but very quietly!

Here is Noah calling "daddy play with me!"