Dear Noah:

lately it has been extremely difficult. You are going through a mood lately where you just want to be alone in your room all the time. I can briefly get you to come out at various times during the day. Most of the time you just tell me "I want privacy" as you are shutting your door.

This makes it really tough to have any meals.........and most of those times you complain about how my food smells bad and it gags you making it nearly impossible for you to stay there with me while we try to eat together.

OR you just come out and tell me to NOT look at you or to GO AWAY so you again can have your PRIVACY while you eat.

I realize these are just moments in time......phases that usually do not last too long......but I worry they will continue and never go away. The longest time you were like this was about 8 months. Six months for sure. It was very difficult. I could barely get your dressed every day let alone out of the house ever for anything....even doing things you enjoyed doing.

I do not take any of this personally other than the fact that I feel like a total failure sometimes as a mom. I am also your school teacher here at home and I feel like I am really slacking on that lately. Of course your mood lately really puts a damper on getting you to want to participate in anything we HAVE to do. I know it will all get done......and you are learning.....so I don't fret much over this anymore.

BUT I often wonder if I should allow you to stay there in your room.....or at your computer for as long as you want to sometimes......though I have to admit those times I do try to take advantage and just sometimes give myself a break. I feel so guilty when I just LET you go with YOUR flow to give ME a break.

anyway.................hopefully we can start doing more fun things together again real soon. I am living with you but there are times I feel like I live totally alone....or at the very best I am just watching a tv show called Noah's World.

i love you lots......

mommy :X