Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Dear Noah........the yellow caution zone......

You were in it again today. Today you had a rough day. You had several things that happened, all during recess time.

Apparently during recess there was a girl that was moving her hands in some motion that really bothered you......so much so that you apparently went up and hit her to try to get her to stop. I don't know if you asked her to stop and she did not......if she continued to do it on purpose because she knew it would upset you or what. ALL I know is you hit her...and got into trouble for that.

You also tried to take a ball away from another little boy at school.....he had it....he had originally gotten permission to play with it.....it was his time with the ball...but somewhere along the way I guess you decided it was your turn and rather than use words (or maybe you did and he said no).....you decided to get him down on the ground and sit on top of him to try to get the ball. He was on his belly...holding the ball underneath him which I guess meant you were then on his back. No fighting...no crying.....you were just both wanting the ball but you went about it all very badly.

Then (also while still on the playground) when it came time to line up....you were in such a hurry to get to your spot in line first (a pre-assigned spot) that you were kicking other lunch bags and backpacks out of the way. (kids put them on their assigned spots to grab later on the way into the building).

Needless to say this short time on the playground (maybe 10 minutes or so) got you into trouble and now you will be serving THREE lunch time detentions.

You also talked about kids now starting to pick on you more or tease you more...and you are aware of it and it bothers you tremendously. You talked about some boy coming into the restroom while you were in a stall with the door locked and him trying to kick the door in with his feet and shake the lock with his hands. Of course when I asked if you used your words to tell him to "stop" or let him know someone was in there you said NO....but you said he knew you were in there because you had flushed a couple of times. Because of issues in the bathroom they have now made the rule only ONE boy goes to the restroom at a time. This is a good rule I think.

But this has caused me to think about a lot. I want the best for you. I want you to succeed. I want you to learn academically at school but also have someone there coaching you during these social outings so you will learn what is right and wrong and what to do and not to do when it is happening...to take advantage of those moments. It is what I would do here at home.

I sometimes don't know if putting you back into a public school setting is the best choice for you. I feel I am holding you back in many ways. I feel you are sort of stifled and put into a box with everyone else and you will only learn the bits and pieces of information the teachers toss into that box. No more .....no less. I feel you are not really having social issues addressed at school. Now they talk about putting you into a ROOM by yourself during recess? I think not. What is that going to teach you? We had to deal with isolation issues before with you at a school when you were in kindergarten. In fact that was the last straw for me at the time and I yanked you from the school and homeschooled you.

Again I want the best for you. I want you to learn all sorts of things with no limits and be excited about learning and anxious to learn. I want you to pick some things you want to learn about as well. I don't want to limit you. I want your needs better addressed. I want to provide for you and us to not have any worries. I really feel I am failing in that regard. While I don't let you on to the stress....it definitely exists and I have no safe buffer anymore if we need it. GOD will truly have to watch over us always now...and I have to stay healthy and strong forever....not just for me but more importantly for you.

SO at this point I am not sure what to do. I have a lot to think about already in our lives....and this will be one more thing. I ask for prayer....because God is the only one who can show us the direction we need to take.

I love you Noah...with God's blessing and guidance and provisions, we will get through all this.



Betsy said...

Oh dear...so sorry...sounds like the recess unravelled very quickly! :( I find that I must keep reminding teachers at school that they must teach what is socially appropriate during all those circumstances..it is part of their job..part of the IEP. Punish when appropriate but remember the big picture and that is to teach how he should act and react. We parents can't just say it once but over and over, unfortunately.

The school used to call me to come and get Alex if he had a meltdown or tantrum. I started refusing and saying that it would be a reward. He would quickly learn that he could tantrum and get to go home. They needed to teach him right in that moment how to better communicate what he was upset about and how to better handle the situation.

Hope today is better! Noah's entering that age where other kids can be so mean and they certainly know who to pick on...I hope it gets better and the school stays on top of it. Hope you can relax while he is at school, too....that's the hard part for me! I am anxious just waiting for the phone to ring!

Old Lady Lincoln said...

I left a comment earlier, but it said it didn't go and to go back a page, well I did but the comment was gone.

I had said, I was sorry to hear he's having some problems at the moment. I hope it's something that can get straightened out for both of you. I pray every night things will go smoothly for him and you each day. I know sometimes our prayers aren't answered the way we think they should be, but sometimes they are answered the best way possible. I will contnue to pray every night for the both of you. Love you both.

Anonymous said...

I read Pat's comment and we agree on it so no sense in me typing all that over again.

Hopefully it is a kink in time that will straighten out tomorrow.

Osh said...

Recess is such a tough time for our kids. In my experience it is also when the regular teacher's get their break as well, so the person in charge of monitoring process isn't familiar with the social skills lessons or how to go about teaching them, is that common for Noah's school? Instead of having Noah in a room by himself, maybe he can choose one or two kids to play a game with before recess starts...that way he will have a plan in place. Just an idea.

kristi said...

Have you spoken to them about having an Aide with him during recess??

Melinda said...

hey everyone! Thanks for the comments. Noah will not be put into some room by himself ...I will always make sure of that. The school does not think he needs his own PERSONAL aide so having one just for him on the playground is not an option. However......they did decide to WATCH him closer...but not sure how well that is going since today he came up missing again...... I do not like that