Dear Noah.......crying over spilled milk......literally

When I went to pick you up from school you came out with the aide and you acted odd. She motioned for me to come up closer so I wondered if maybe you had gotten into trouble or something else had happened. She started out saying "I am sure your mom won't get mad about this" and then proceeded to tell me you had another great day....till the final 2 minutes....when you realized your leftover milk in your lunch bag had spilled out in the lunch bag and was spilling out all over. You started to cry.....and I guess really cry....big sad tears...so they rushed you and the bag to the bathroom to clean it all up as best they could. You started to cry again really hard when the aide was telling me this. I felt so bad for you. I told you that I was not mad and it was only a lunch bag and if it smelled too much like sour milk or we could not get it clean we could just get another one. You still cried hard.....and I kept assuring you it would all be fine......it was no big deal....to calm down....etc.

As we walked back to the truck I asked you why this was upsetting you so much.....and you said you remembered your lunch bag from last year and how it had milk spilled in it so many times it started to smell sour no matter how often we cleaned it and we had to throw it away....etc. I am not sure why that mattered to you.....you did not seem upset about any of that at the time.

BUT this sent you over the top with big sad tears....and reminded me how over the top you can react over what most would deem totally insignificant or not worthy of even a second thought. This is where a difference in how you process and feel about things is striking....and yet I totally understand it and get it. I no longer think it anything all that odd or abnormal..it is just part of you and how you are. You are very deep and emotional and rarely reveal all the thoughts going on inside your head. SO I may not really know all the things you were thinking about in connection with this NEW lunch bag and the freshly spilled milk.

I got you calmed down and we went home.

Tonight you wanted a sleepover in my room again.....even if I was not going to be in there....and I know right now you probably need it.....but Opie crawled up into your bed and wanted to sleep with you in your bed......and that seemed to also make you happy. I want to have the sleepover with you but also know at the same time I cannot turn this into a normal thing.....because it took so long to get you to where you finally can sleep on your own and self-soothe and I know you really do need to be in your own bed and all the reasons why. BUT there are times we still do and will have sleepovers. Maybe I will crawl into YOUR bed tonight and surprise you and have a sleepover in YOUR room!

Meanwhile.....I wish I could make it where you did not get so emotional about some things that happen in your life. That worries me a bit....and I am not sure how to make it seem less troublesome to you. I know after I say about a million times "it is okay" you do and will eventually believe it and will be able to say it to yourself...and all will be okay no matter what. BUT that can take months to years.....

so we will keep plugging along.....because everything will be okay. I promise!

I love you Noah......sweet dreams my little man!

Mommy
XOXOX