Dear Noah........hard to believe it has been 9 years since we moved back to Ohio

It still seems like last week and not 9 years ago. This is also the weekend 9 years ago we moved out from my grandma's house (your great-grandmother) to move into this house we currently live in. Grandma was the only one who offered us a place to stay when we moved here from Colorado....until we could get a place of our own. We came back in February and it took almost 4 months to finally find a place, and unfortunately during that time...I caught a lot of crap from family via phone calls and emails about us needing to move out and finding a place of our own to live in and move out away from grandma's house. Like what.....we were not trying? You kept all the house floor plans and real estate print outs of the houses we looked at to buy...there are hundreds! Some days we would look at 10 to 15 at a time. I finally gave up on "buying" a house and decided just to find something to "rent" as I was still getting phone calls from my mom and uncle and cousin and whoever telling me how we needed to move out. You were still having more issues back then than you do now and they were afraid you would trip grandma or who knows what.

Grandma gave us a room upstairs and we pretty much tried to always stay up there and not disrupt grandma's routines or life as much as possible. Grandma never complained. She was not telling us we needed to move out yet...but everyone else was. Funny....I don't think anyone emailed my uncle or called him up and gave him crap like they did me after he moved in with grandma and ended up staying there for 4 years and causing her lots of grief in the process. BUT whatever. Maybe everyone has learned something from all this. I know grandma was a very loving and compassionate person and always loved you more than she could say. She always sent you a card, which she did not always do so to her other great-grandkids and she would make a point to tell us not to tell anyone else about it lol.....and she always stuck money in the card for you. She called you "my little Noah"......and loved you dearly.

I am now apparently off on a tangent....was just originally thinking about how this is the weekend 9 years ago we finally moved out from grandma's house (one room upstairs that she had fixed up for us) and moved into this house. It is also the weekend we got ready for grandma's funeral 1 year ago after she died following a horrific accident that she was in, with that same uncle from above driving her car. He failed to stop at a stop sign at a busy intersection and pulled out and an oncoming car hit grandma's car on the passenger side where she was sitting. She suffered a broken neck, head injuries, broken rib, etc. My uncle was basically fine. The other people were thankfully also okay. Grandma though died 2 days later from her injuries. She would most likely still be alive and going strong if that had not happened as she was very healthy and still living independently at 91 years of age. She would often in the middle of a conversation look at me and ask, "Just how long do you think I am going to live?" lol....she, I think, was worried about her eyesight as she had lost sight in the 1 eye already...and she did not hear the best anymore...and she was worried about slowly losing the use of her legs.....she had neuropathy and could not always feel her feet...so had to finally stop driving.

You already know all this though Noah....as we would go visit with grandma at least once a week. You heard us talk during our conversations. You also worked word puzzles with grandma and showed her floor plans in your house books. I am sure she was bored out of her mind but she never let you know that. So this is a mixed weekend for me. You are now 16 years old....16-1/2...we just wrapped up school.....and I came across this photo and realized how much older you now are.....how much time has passed since this photo was taken at grandma's house while we were living there or maybe shortly after we moved out.......and then all that has happened in that time but especially even this past year.

 Today is a rainy day.....and I have a lot I can do here in the house and outside even.....but I am not sure how much I will accomplish. Sometimes it is good to just take some down time to reflect.

I love you my little man. You have grown up so much since this photo was taken.

Mom
XOXOX

Dear Noah.........wrapping up the school year

We are moving along. Hard to believe the end of the school year is right around the corner. Didn't January just start? It is already May 8th!

We went to see Paddington at the theater in Englewood and last weekend saw Avengers movie Age of Ultron...at the DRIVE-IN! It was really good..they both were actually. Nothing  like the drive-in though. Still love to go and thankful we have one to go to!

Love you lots!

Mom

XOXOX

Dear Noah....train stopped during railfanning....

Train stopped in Tipp City 

(you can click the title right above this to see the video) You and I went railfanning in Tipp City, Ohio yesterday and one of the longer Northbound CSX trains had to stop and wait on the tracks for a Northbound CSX train to get off the tracks so they could continue on. As you can see from the photo above, you took advantage of that opportunity to actually get out and TOUCH the train lol. You were thrilled. We were only there a couple of hours at most and saw 3 very long  CSX trains.

I love you!

Mom
XOXOXO

Dear Noah.......where has my little boy gone?

so.....you are growing up so very fast. Seems like only yesterday you were that little boy in the above photo from 2007 with your grandpa. Fast forward 8 years.....you are now 16-1/2 years old........and well on your way to becoming a young adult man.

It seems to have gone by way too quickly......

I love you my little man...

Mom
XOXOXO

Dear Noah........you still have to have some things a specific way.......always

It is funny...no matter what gets placed on your bed......even if I stack everything in one pile....you have to line everything up.....and put specific things in specific areas. That mini Frisbee has been on your bed like a year or two? I move it...even suggest putting it on a shelf. You want it on the bed..so I put it on the bed...but you MOVE it to the EXACT location shown above.

I can stack the books and papers and folders in 1 stack.....you take each one and lay them out in a single-file lineup.  Your Doctor Who scarf is always up by your pillow. I never actually paid attention to the specific locations until the other day......so I snapped this photo......and when we have changed your bedding the last few times..I watch where you put things on the bed...especially changing things if I put it all in 1 stack. It ends up like this. 

I asked you why you did it...and I am not sure you really gave me an answer.  I just asked you again...and you said you really don't know. I do know it is a pretty common trait with anyone with autism.....and you have lined things up since you were little.

Anyway........as you can see..Opie always finds a place to lay on your bed.

I love you Noah Wesley. I know you don't feel really well right now with some cold or allergies...you have a very runny nose, have been sneezing and coughing....I hope and pray you feel better soon!

Mom
XOXOXOX

Dear Noah...a visit to our new local Rural King

You loved the new store...and took your camera to film things you found interesting and take pictures. You thought their LED lights were most interesting. You also enjoyed hopping in this! We have had a good time lately going to some antique malls and field trips. I will try to post more on that later.

Meanwhile yesterday my PC shut down and would not power back up. Thank goodness you had the spare former PC you had used before we built your gaming PC...and you were the one who suggested I use that for an immediate solution. I have found recently that you are the first one to actually suggest a logical solution to most of our immediate problems. You also do it calmly and it is well thought out. Often when I am floundering around like a fish out of water wondering what I will do about something...you have already come up with a solution. This is GREAT and HUGE  progress! I am thankful. You are growing up....and quite the young man now already.

I love you  my little man. Yes...you will always be my little man.

your mom
XOXOXOX

Dear Noah...we have been doing some railfanning!

We had a great time the past few days watching trains....here are a few links to clips

Dear Noah....your big school project for the year....building your own gaming PC

Well...this year you were planning on me buying you a gaming PC or at least going in half for one. The problem was...it was hard to find one that you wanted for the price we wanted to spend. We talked about building on a few times....and checked parts...videos online about it..did a lot of research..and finally decided to just DO IT. We ordered all the parts...everything came...and we spent a Sunday putting everything together and hooking it up. Monday we spent tweaking things and adding software and updates...and finally .....you were ready to test it out. You were sooooo excited and it was actually pretty fun building this computer with you and it was MUCH cheaper than buying one already built. You were able to personalize it to suit you too. Enjoy it! I say you get an A for this project!

Dear Noah.....hum.......

You are growing up.....and you have made a few good friends online now that you talk with every day and play videogames with....and lo and behold...one I find out is a girl...and you two like each other.......a LOT! Not sure if I am ready for all that yet but I guess it does not really matter because that stage of life for you has already come to fruition!

I am filled with wonder when I think about your future...and what might come to pass and where you might end up or who you might be with one day or date or marry and what you will do for a career.....and how it will all come to pass.  You have come so far in your journey....you are like a totally different person now. I guess we all do that as we grow up and get older.

AND being your mother...I hope and pray the very best for you and that hopefully  you can avoid having your heart get broken at any point in your life.

Dear Noah.....you are now 16 years old..........

 Where has my little man gone?

Train coming through Union City, Indiana .........

You were very excited as tonight when we went to Union City, Indiana to Harter Park to see their 4 Million Christmas Light display...you also got to see 3 trains coming through town. Here is 1 of the videos you recorded

Dear Noah...where has my little man gone?

I cannot believe in a couple of weeks you will turn 16. Where has the time gone? We have been through so much together...and when I look at you now..it is hard to believe you are the same "little" man you once were. You are growing into quite the young man now. I love you so much Noah.....and even though I see a very tall, young adult man standing in front of me now....I will never forget that little man you once were.

All my love.....always and forever.....to the moon and back again.....forever and ever and ever.

Mom
xoxoxox

Dear Noah....your new big Christmas tree for your room

Last year after Christmas we went to K-mart and you picked out a tree that was on sale...for like 25.00. It was prelit and 6-1/2 or 7 feet tall. This year we decided to put that tree in your room and you decorated the entire tree yourself. I think you did a fabulous job too!

I look at you in the photograph I took and realize how much older you  have gotten already. You are turning into quite the  young man now. I still cannot believe in a few weeks you will turn 16 years old already.

I love you!

Mom

Dear Noah......you could not go back to sleep after dreaming about elevators....

I woke up this morning off and on like I always do...for some reason woke up again about the time I normally would for work...around 3:30 a.m.....and I looked across the room and saw something...looked like white glowing legs....on the bottom near the floor but dark on top. Hum....I thought, "Should I open my eyes further and look better to see what MIGHT be there?" My mind still had not totally decided that was a good idea, but my eyes did not hesitate and they looked up...up my eyes went and tried to focus...and then I realized Noah was standing there leaning against the wall. I asked him how long he had been standing there. He said, "A half hour." I said, "A half hour? WHY? Why did you not say anything to me and just stand there? Why did you not even try to wake me up?"

Noah has done this off and on since he was very little. I know it has a lot to do with his autism and just not really either knowing what to do in that situation or not knowing how to "explain" it to me.....(and now I think he is afraid he will wake me up) so he will often just come to the side of my bed or wherever I am sleeping and just "stand there." No words...just stands there. He told me he had actually been out in the kitchen before standing there in the living room beside me sleeping on the sofa.

I guess he was having a very hard time sleeping. It sounds like he had a dream where he was going up and down in elevators and checking elevators out (which he LOVES) and his arms and legs were MOVING and it woke him up. Once awake...his mind obsessed on the elevators and he could not put those thoughts away for the night so he could sleep. ALSO a very common issue for people with autism....and many other people as well. Noah used to basically not sleep much at all....could not get his mind to be "quiet" so he could "sleep." I worked with him on many methods to get around this including but not limited to (lol), telling yourself it was "okay" to put all those thoughts away for the night in an imaginary box beside your bed where the next day you could open the box and take all those same thoughts BACK OUT and begin thinking about them again, but that your "mind" needed some quiet time to sleep and rest. This actually worked for him. He said now he can usually "quiet" his mind and free it up from thoughts so he can go to sleep...but after the elevator dream he could not. I guess he did not know what to do. So he came out and "stood."

He said he calls nights like this when he cannot sleep "hotel nights" ...because when we used to go to hotels during our travels back and forth from Colorado to Ohio on vacations we would spend time in hotels (which he loves doing to this day) and he was always so excited he would usually NOT be able to sleep and would get up and look out the hotel window off and on all night...and finally, eventually be able to go back to sleep. I guess there are times now when he will wake up in his bedroom....look out the window a few times...and finally he can fall asleep on his own.

The other night he got up...and I swore he was up...I was working...I called out to him...he never responded. I finally got up (within seconds) and went to check to see if he was up. I did not see him anywhere. I opened his bedroom door and he was sound asleep. I later found out that day he HAD gotten up...but somehow had gone to the bathroom and got back into bed and back to sleep before I got out of my chair and checked on him? This was like all less than a minute and a half. HE DID hear me call out to him but he never responded.

Anyway.....last night he brought his afghan out to the love seat and folded his long legs and body into a position to try to sleep out there beside me. We talked for a bit. He finally sounded like he was getting tired...and next thing I know he was once again sound asleep.

I cherish moments like these though. Even though I was going to lose some sleep on my one morning I could sleep in.....I was soaking it all up and trying to embed it in my brain as another memory.

One day I know our roles might be reversed...and I just hope he has as much patience and love for me during any difficult times I might have....as I try to always give him..haha..not sure he will....but he would probably HIRE someone else to "tend" to me that might hee hee.

While Noah has made huge strides over his lifetime so far..I know many areas he will need to work on...and that most still revolve around expressive language and learning to use his words to express easily what he is thinking or how he is feeling or what he needs or just what is going on in certain situations. This has never come easily to him and still does not. Sometimes he just does not talk at all because he says it is too hard for him to express what he is thinking. I know it can take him a long time to get something out verbally.

Anyway.....those 2 little white glowing legs were his......and I can say I am certainly thankful they were!

Dear Noah.......school is right around the corner!

I can't believe the summer is basically over and today it is Labor Day already! You will turn 16 years old in December. I can't believe that either! You could be driving a car now..but have decided you would rather wait until you are at least 16...can't believe that as well!

Where has the time gone? I have told you many times life is a series of blinks...the year goes by in blinks. Well...reaching Labor Day was a blink...and we  have a few basic blinks now till the end of this year!

Blink...and it will be fall....Blink and it will be Halloween...Blink...Thanksgiving...Blink...Christmas and your birthday...

Blink...another new year.

If you go by the major holidays or season changes as the basic blinks of life....there are only 12 or 13 on average per year. AND THEY GO BY SO QUICKLY!

So....guess what? BLINK....school will be starting up again....ready or not here we come!

I love you....my little man who is growing up and sometimes a grumpy little typical teenage man....who probably thinks his mama is not very smart and he knows everything...

but I still love you....oh where or where has my little man gone? (I know you are still in there somewhere!)

XOXOXOX

Dear Noah....you will be starting your sophomore year soon!

AND it is so hard to believe. Seems like only  yesterday you were sitting on the swing with grandpa L. and your cousin Audrey.

This December you will become 16 years old.

I guess your mama better get it together and quick! You are actually able to start driving with a learner's permit now...but have decided you would rather wait until you are at least 16  years old. I think that is a good idea lol.

I love you my little man..who is slowly yet quickly transforming into a young adult.

Mom
XOXOXOX

Dear Noah...you are growing up

Dear Noah....a gorgeous Saturday and A&W Root Beer

 We had a nice visit from grandma C and uncle Mike Saturday morning....after they left we got some lunch and took it to the park to eat. It was a gorgeous day weather-wise. Nice and sunny...only about 71 degrees outside. We then decided to drive to Union City, Indiana and go get a root beer at the A&W Root Beer stand.

LOVELY day for a drive. You love their root beer. I tried to get you to

smile..but as you can see you nearly spit it out as you took a big swig and then I said SMILE right afterwards. ANYWAY...we enjoyed the day. Next up was railfanning...watching a couple of long trains that came through Union City and then you taking pics of RR crossings. Back home and a nice evening there too.

I love you my little mustache man.

Mom
XOXOXOX

Happy Easter!

 When Noah was little, he did not enjoy coloring Easter eggs all that much...and most often when his aunties and I would get together to color the eggs (as we still enjoy doing it)..he would opt out. I think it had a lot to do with getting messy dye on his fingers.

Well this year he started out early asking if we were going to color Easter eggs this year. I finally told him we could..if he would actually do it.

SO I boiled a dozen eggs...and put 2 in that were brown shells just to see how

 they might look colored. They turned out more Army green and brown. BUT..here he is...and enjoying coloring the eggs. One broke after boiling so I ate that one. I decided to let him color all 11 eggs himself...oh...I guess I did end up coloring one to show him how it was done as he could not really remember. He did the other 10. He seemed to really enjoy it and did not mind all that much that some dye got on his fingers. Here are his finished results.
Happy Easter everyone!

Dear Noah...you are becoming a young man now...

This is how you come out most every morning now to greet me. You are wearing your 4th Doctor Who scarf you got for Christmas. You love it and I guess you want to make sure you get to wear it other than just outside in cold weather with your winter coat..so you have taken to wearing it in the house upon arising with your PJs's still on and even sitting in your room.

I look at you now and see how you and even your body is changing and you are turning into a young man before my eyes. I cannot believe you are already 15 years old and growing up so fast. It seems only yesterday you were a little toddler.

I love you my little man, well, my young man, and I will forever and ever!

Mom XOXOX