Dear Noah:

well...life is a bit in an upheaval lately for you and I am sorry for that. Problems between your mommy and daddy do not help. Having your daddy say bad things about your mommy also does not help. Wishing for a quick...easy solution is natural. Finding one however is another story altogether. If there is anything I need to teach you in your life, autism or not...it is about the importance of making choices. The choices you will make in your life all have consequences. Some will be good, some will be bad and some will only have to be cast aside as "learning experiences".

I guess that is where I am with your daddy now. I know from the start I made a wrong choice...however....if I had not made that choice I would not have you my precious little boy. For that I will always be grateful and moved and touched forever. I am so thankful for you.

However, I have continued to allow myself to be deceived by your father for 8 1/2 years. I cannot do it any longer. I am sorry only about this in regards to you and how it may affect your life and spirit. BUT I also know it is time to move forward, no matter how painful it might be.

While we have had many problems, you have NEVER been a problem for daddy and I. You never will be. None of this is your fault. It is my fault as I made poor choices...and your daddy's fault for making the choices he did, which in essence was to lie about his entire life and motives.

SO....without going into so much more than you or the world needs to know........just wanted you to know that there will be many changes coming up in your life. I am trying to make them all positive/good changes. I know it can be a better life for you. However, I also know just getting to that other side of BETTER is a long painful rocky road.

You should learn from us and always think about your choices in life. Think what the consequence might be for a choice you make in your life before you make that choice. Once put into motion you cannot go back in time to erase it or change things. Think about what you may lose by making a choice. Think about what you might gain. Think about what you may have to give up or gain. Think about whether it goes against all you believe in or supports it. Think about whether your spirit and soul are truly happy or feel like they are dying or already dead.

IF you can do this...you will save yourself much heartache and unnecessary trials and tribulations.

I love you so much Noah......to the moon and back again...forever and ever and ever and ever

Mommy