Dear Noah:

well 2 days ago you lost it. We were talking....well YOU were talking to me about wanting to go to Fazoli's for supper....this was Friday night and I said no......but you had been trying to explain something about driving there...I did not understand what you were saying. You got very upset very very quickly.......and all of a sudden lunged at me......growling with mouth open and hands raised......like you were going to try biting me on the forehead or nose. THE ONLY thing that stopped you from that moment of over-the-top rage and frustration was the fact that I reached up and grabbed your upper arms and held you away from me. Otherwise I think before you would have even realized what you had done you would have bit me. I was stunned......we went over this and over this........and you do not understand why you react that way sometimes....you just do.

I told you that you HAD to learn GOOD behavior and what was acceptable......or else you would get into some real trouble in life......and if things ever got to where I could not control you.....I would not know what might happen. I know the older you get this is an area of concern for me. That is why I am pushing for you to learn more socially acceptable skills now while young.

YOU normally do very well with calming down and not getting to that point like you did Friday night......but something in you snapped. This is a bit scary.

Anyway......since then....you do try to explain how your mind works which I find fascinating. Like when I tell you to do something or ask you WHY you do something....you will say "because my mind can't think about that ...it is too busy thinking about traffic lights" (which is your current big obsession). This does make sense because I have had adult autistics explain it that way......there is just too much going on in your brain to allow you to listen to me really well sometimes.

Sometimes I can tell you to go get something and you are so OUT OF TUNE with paying attention to the CURRENT moment and me......you go off like in a fog...wandering around aimlessly.....till I have to really talk firmly and give you step-by-step directions.

Anyway..........I try to set a good example for you by also not losing my temper or getting too mad in front of you. I have been able to count on one hand that number to date. However......I did lose my temper the other night....which I always feel horrible about..........so it bothers me immensely that the number of times I could count might possibly have to branch out to a second hand.

SO we will work through this together. You remind me to calm down and I remind you. You said we BOTH needed a calm down book. You could be right.

i love you

mommy :X