Dear Noah...our local Pizza Hut restaurant is closing and they are opening a Carry-Out Pizza Hut down the street

You now LOVE Pizza Hut pizza. We have a very old sit-down Pizza Hut restaurant still here in town...one of the few remaining around. We do enjoy going to sit inside the restaurant to eat pizza from time to time..but after over 50 years...I think...around that..they are going to close it and tear down the building. This makes us sad...we will miss it. They will be opening a smaller, carry-out/delivery Pizza Hut closer to us right down the street...so it is bittersweet.

Last night when we decided to go pick up some pizzas for you for your supper you wanted to snap a few pics...saying in 20 or 30 years you would really enjoy looking back at the pics.

Here is one of you standing outside before we left. Anyway...I love you. School will be starting before we know it. I hope and pray it goes very well for us both again this year! I LOVE YOU!

Mom
XOXOXOX

Dear Noah....your school supplies are rolling in!

I cannot believe July is almost half over and it seems we only started it! All the Christmas in July events are taking place this weekend and next week and weekend. Your school supplies have been coming in via UPS...and I know before we realize it...school will be starting back up again for us! WOW...I am a bit shocked and apprehensive. I always have things I want to accomplish during the summer while you are out of school and I am off from teaching you...but so far have not yet even really begun those projects. I am not physically all that agile lately so the process would be slow to begin with...and I am hoping and praying I can get the major things I always want to accomplish actually FINISHED this year before schoolwork resumes.

I also wanted to work on special projects with you over the summer...teach you some things I never have time to during the regular school year..but you are all about being stuck in your room planted in front of your PC lately till all hours...playing Mine Craft or watching old videos of The Price is Right and Supermarket Sweep! Sometimes you forget to eat...take breaks..etc. So I am still trying to get a handle on that and control it a bit better.

Meanwhile we stopped up at the local Hallmark yesterday for the Keepsake Ornament Premiere. That is a family tradition and we enjoyed it.

We seem to be in a drought...no rain for a long time..lots of sun..and no rain in sight.

I should have put up a pool for you this year..maybe that would get you outside moving around more.

Regardless I love you. You said you are happier at Christmastime than other times of the year....and you are looking forward to the tree going up this year..etc.

More later..

I love you lots!
Forever...

Mom
XOXOXOXOX

Dear Noah..you are still super flexible!

You are still so flexible. I need to work on this. You can still put both feet/legs BEHIND  your head...here you are putting 1 behind your head...with your aunties trying to see if you can then walk or stand up...I think you could have stood up with help...but you did manage to crawl along on your hands a bit with your leg over  your head.

You are my silly boy...who is rapidly growing up to a young man.

I love you..cannot believe you are already 13-1/2 years old.

Mom
XOXOXOX

Dear Noah....another summer hair cut!

Noah getting his summer hair cut. He likes it short in the summer especially!

I personally cannot believe we will be heading into JULY already...where is the summer going? I always make all these plans...and unless I start to really get my butt in gear Mr. Noah...I won't be getting things accomplished again like I had wanted this summer....and we won't be doing some of the things I had wanted.

Today I want to work on a GRAND PLAN and write out all my/our goals...I sometimes even put that off...so hopefully it will help me actually get things done around here. Meanwhile you are all about MINE CRAFT and playing it or watching videos about it in your room every hour you are awake pretty much. Trying to get you out of your room to do anything can be difficult but you do it for me sometimes. Today is a nice day...hopefully you will come out and enjoy it some with me!

Love you lots...you are growing up so fast. One of the biggest things I think that is the most difficult for me to handle right now with you....is how I know you love me or other people in the family....but you are also pretty aloof to it all....and not very emotional about anything...not really "showing" how you feel. We talked about when people pass on for example...and you said while you might be sad or feel a little sad...you would not cry...and in fact...I know this to be true....and you just go about your day as usual. I know this is definitely part of your being autistic...and something I try to grasp...and I definitely know you love me...but also know you can do just fine WITHOUT me in your life. This is a good feeling but also a little sad for me...lol...I am not going to lie about it..but I am more thankful you will be FINE really than NOT.

I saw this best portrayed in the movie SNOWCAKE when Sigourney Weaver (sp?) plays an autistic person...and her daughter gets killed in a car accident...the man who had been driving her daughter and felt responsible for the accident goes to apologize to Sigourney the mother...and she answers the door..he tells her about him being the one who was driving....etc....and she just says "Oh okay" and shuts the door. He stands there not understanding why she does not seem more emotional than she does. He eventually gets inside her house and she ends up comforting him more than he comforting her and they become friends. She is very aloof and matter-of-fact about the accident and details and the fact that her daughter died...not showing any sadness or crying...etc. That is how you are when you are in situations where most would probably cry or show their sadness..etc. You just go on about your day as usual.

As you have gotten older...this has become much more pronounced. It is not just part of you becoming a typical teenager..as I know most kids do distance themselves from their parents and think their parents are idiots and know nothing...etc...or embarrass them. It is much more than that and has become more enhanced. I try to teach you what the normal responses are for most people...but we also talk about how that is probably never going to be a normal reaction or response for you..not instinctively and natural at least..and I certainly don't want you to "fake" anything...but I also want you to try to understand WHY people might be sad or cry over certain things that happen in life and why you should be considerate of their feelings and emotions and respect them.

Over the years as I sit here looking back over how far you have come and all we have accomplished so far in your life and world..I am amazed...but also realize we have a ways to go...though the mechanics of it all have greatly changed.

So here's to summer and fun-filled days and memory making and learning and preparing you to be out on your own one day!

I love you Noah Wesley.....so much.

Mom XOXOXOXO

Dear Noah....pool fun with your cousin Miss Audrey

We went to your Aunt Angie's house on Saturday for her birthday party...and you kids got to go swimming in the afternoon. It was very crowded....mostly adults...and after a troubled start where you did not think you were going to end up getting to go swimming and had a minor meltdown...you all ended up going and had a great time.

This is a great photo collage Angela took...

Love you Noah..

Mom

Dear Noah.....what to do..what to do...

Noah...my little man....you are growing up for sure....you are getting taller and a mind of your own. You inform me you plan or wish to move out when you are 18. I can't say much...I was the same when I was growing up...and swore as SOON as I turned 18 I would be moving out...and I DID just that..but my life at home was TONS more stressful than what you have here at home. This does not "hurt" my feelings really as I believe this should be ALL parents' goals...to bring their children up in such as way that they cannot wait to get out and fly the nest with their wings spread way out wide and be independent...etc.

BUT (there is always a but isn't there?)....I am anxious about it all. I do hope and more importantly PRAY you will be MORE than able to be successful at whatever you desire in life ..and can move out when you want and be more than fine...but currently you are all about being on your computer basically during any waking hour...and not stopping and going to bed at a decent hour. I know you think you should pretty much decide for yourself even now...your own schedule and what you do...etc..and I pretty much do allow you to do that. I don't mind you staying up late most nights as then you are still sleeping in the daytime when I work and that just works out best for us both.

BUT...staying up till 4:30 a.m. or later is TOO late! It does not matter that you don't get up then till 2:00 a.m.! You miss so much more that life has to offer shut up in your room all the time ....not hardly ever coming out for anything other than eating (as I now make you eat at the table and NOT in your room)...so I see you then. There are also times I just say we ARE going to do this or that or go here or there and make you get ready and go too....and times you do want to go places.  You are legally old enough to be left at home alone but I do not feel comfortable doing that...you still have many emotionally immature thoughts...running parallel with those grown-up  moments and thoughts. What a mish-mash of emotions growing up can cause.

SO...now I have to give a consequence for you continuing to not listen or go to bed at a decent hour. I mean I let  you stay up now till 1:00 a.m. through the week and on weekends 2:00 or even 2:30 a.m. I think that is PLENTY late enough for a 13-year-old boy. I know you will soon be getting even older and then wanting to do more of whatever it is you want to do...but...I think you have to learn to be somewhat disciplined and set some limits. I have come up with the consequence you lose 1 hour of PC time for each hour you are up past a decent bedtime. I believe this will work as I have done this before and it worked.

Otherwise...this has all made me think about a lot of things. Like how I am already almost feeling like I live alone, and you  have already moved out...since you are in the house and here..but not really out here with me much doing anything anymore. I can hear you in the background making noises...and doing "your thing" in the bedroom on the computer...but I have to wonder if you are not also missing out on a lot more things....well, in fact you are...and then I am too I guess. I am going to be making some changes this summer to help you break out of this pattern you are in. You will still be allowed to do time in your room but...I will be pulling you out to go on field trips and work on projects here at home...and coming out more often from your room than you do now.

AND ..I have been wondering what life will be like for ME when  you do move out. I have devoted my life to you since you were born...especially once I found out you had autism and a lot of issues to deal with when you were little. AND I did this because I WANTED TO....do NOT misunderstand me. I WANTED to change my entire life around so I could be here for  you 100%! Nothing else was acceptable to me. AND so I did just that! You  have since overcome many of those challenges you had when you were little but still have a ways to go. While contemplating your being successful and being able to manage everything out on your own....I have to ask myself, "where will that leave me?" lol.  I mean I used to not have "any" free time...as ALL my time outside of my full-time job was spent with  you....teaching you things....prompting you..redirecting you....teaching you how to handle "changes"...etc. How to just "BE" in this world...as it was very difficult for you and chaotic for you. Now when I am done with work and school with you...I have TONS of free time. This is almost a foreign feeling to me....as I have gone basically 13 years without really spending much time on things I might have wanted to do.

I am slowly finding things to fill up my time..mostly doing artwork and being creative, BUT..child support only lasts so long....same with your SSI money...and I will need to find ways to compensate that income one day. I am not really worried there as we are not currently receiving SSI for you anyway...but the child support will be something..I will definitely need to be debt free by the time you turn 19 or so...in case child support stops. Your dad has always said he would continue paying child support as long as you needed extra help with income (and it is even in our divorce decree)..but...I am wishing to avoid depending or counting on that one day...and that would be YOUR money then anyway..not mine. You would need it to help YOU pay YOUR own bills then if you are out on your own. I work full time still from home and I love my job...but do not make a lot of money at it. So debt needs to decrease for me in the future or my income should increase or both actually. MY body is also not always cooperating with me these days...making even simple everyday things extremely difficult for me...so I have to wonder how long I can function doing things owning a home...etc.

I know this is all part of growing up...you getting older....spreading those wings to fly....and taking off to being your own life somewhere...and I am already wondering about that empty nest...and would I really need such a big house or all this stuff anymore...etc. Probably not...or how would I even manage keeping it up..you know? After all, as YOU get older so will I. This can be almost depressing. lol

SO I have a lot on my mind right now...wondering what I will do or where I might end up or where you will be one day...what you will do for a living...if you will be safe...etc. Do moms though ever stop wondering about those things?

Hey..maybe you can design a cool house for yourself with a patch of land somewhere on your property to build me a tiny house....I would not be up in your business but yet close by if you needed me...or I needed something maybe from you. You have mentioned this to me before...about  me having like a garage apartment for YOU in my home....so you would have your own place...but still be close to me in case you needed things...probably like a meal other than eating out! lol.

You are NOT happy thinking about how one day you might have to HELP your mom do anything in life and have told me you wish to GET OUT before you had to do anything like that. I  have to admit that is pretty  hurtful...but you are 13 and have autism, and have never really cared or thought about what all you say and how it might make someone else feel. That was something we had to teach you and in fact, I still am teaching you.  I know you have said you could HIRE someone to help me if I needed it..so I guess that is all that is important. I have to wonder though if I would ever see you again once you moved out. I would certainly hope so..but you really seem pretty fine even now all on your own and even talk about moving to another state...even one where you have  no relatives.

Mixed emotions...mixed drama....everything is just a mix right now for you and me both...and you are only 13! In 5 years you will be 18...hard to believe....but we are going to start working on life skills this summer...so I can better prepare you for that big world of "reality" one day coming up sooner than I can even imagine.

I love you Noah....I know you love me too....and you certainly do NOT owe me anything...but I do hope one day you can be thankful for me and our time together...and hope you have some memories and are not filled with regret one day for all the things we could have done but did not.

Mom

xoxoxox

Dear Noah....you are now nearsighteded....and have Christopher Robbin's legs...

Well...you are the same age I was when I became nearsighted...and now you have glasses. You actually like them and we all think you look handsome in them. Even your dad liked them!

Meanwhile...back when you got new gym shoes last..you picked out some black ones...and it always reminded me...(when you wore shorts and the white socks)..of Christopher Robbin's legs from Winnie the Pooh...

so now each time you walk by..I hear a snippet of the Winnie the Pooh song play in my head but I substitute "Christopher Robbin legs"....and we laugh...I told you I loved you and your legs and their in-between stage right now...not quite young adult...not quite the child anymore...but still reminding me of Christopher Robbin. I am going to devote an entire spread in a photo album of you and your legs...and put in a tiny recorder with me singing that snippet of the song and my word substitutes! I love you...even if I tease you sometimes...but you know that! Mom XOXOXOX

Noah and cousin Audrey...growing up so fast

Noah and Pepper Jax....

Noah and Pepper Jax...my parents' dog....

Dear Noah....after TEN years you have finally finished speech therapy!

WOW...this day has been a LONG time coming. You have come so very far with your speech, speaking, reading, talking, expressing yourself, etc. You still have a ways to go. We often look back at old videos and are amazed at how far you have come in talking. Even you cannot understand some of your old videos where you were talking.

I think speech therapy would still be continuing on had I allowed them to continue with social skills questions and scenarios for you...because you never quite met those goals....according to them, but I felt that was not really speech therapy's job..it was my job...or your dad's job..to teach you about social scenarios and what is an appropriate response and how to react. I never agreed with allowing speech therapists to try to teach you those things, but for some reason all your former teachers and schools tried to always have it "included" as part of speech therapy's job. I know it was because of cost. They had NO social skills classes or teachers or instructors for social skills or anyone qualified, so they figured they could save time and money and let speech therapists handle it all. They actually told me this at your former school.

SORRY...I do not agree...because this then also takes "time away" from speech therapy, AND on most IEPs like yours...you only get so many minutes a MONTH for speech therapy...and if too much of that precious time is spent on social scenarios instead of speech...your therapy can go on forever.

NOT to mention the fact that you may always struggle with social scenarios. People tend to forget that autism is not something you will outgrow. YES you CAN LEARN and YES you CAN IMPROVE and YES you CAN practice responses and situations....until YOU learn a way to COPE better for you in those particular instances and situations and learn how to respond. Does this mean you are no longer autistic or have outgrown it? NO...because it is a neurological disorder...your brain processes things differently than others and likely always will. What comes as second nature to us.....you will likely still always have to search your brain for prior similar instances or scenarios for the appropriate response or reaction. It will not come as a knee-jerk reaction to you....but slightly delayed after a little thought. BUT those synapses in exposure to a situation to your response CAN get faster with time.

So...after I had speech therapy END the social skills aspect on your goals....as I felt socially you were fine and had nothing on their list left to accomplish....they focused more on the speech therapy part...and voila...you have finally MET your goals.

So Noah, after 10 years...you have finished your speech therapy! CONGRATULATIONS!

I love you!

Mom
XOXOXOX

Dear Noah...you still have a unique way to sit on chairs to eat

you sit perched like a bird. I remember when you were smaller..you always sat on the toilet like this...and to this day...you sit like this to eat whenever you can....it seems difficult for you to sit and eat fully seated....at least here at home. You have to sit perched or stand up. Sitting perched in your room in front of your computer...you always stretch out your T-shirt to fit OVER your perched legs...so many of your shirts have holes ripped under the armpits now....we will have to buy larger sizes to avoid that if you keep sitting like this and stretching the shirts out over your legs.

You are growing up fast...getting tall and skinny! Very lean....your mustache is showing up more all the time...and you are officially taller than I am now I think. Last night you slept on the loveseat since I was on the sofa...and when I looked over this morning...you were on your back but had your legs up around your chest crossed over in Indian style fashion...you do that a lot. Not sure how you can sleep like that..but you do.



This is how you were sleeping if you imagine you lying on your back and eyes shut..but in this position with your legs up on your chest!



Here you were also reading..



See that T-shirt stretched out over your legs?


I love you....more later!

mom
xoxox

have a "GOOD" day...being grateful

Dear Noah - opening a belated gift from a good friend!

We got a package from a very good friend of ours in Florida the other week and you opened it and found this inside...a very cool monster truck toy..which you loved playing with. In fact..you actually TURNED OFF your computer to play with this ...and I even played it with you. We had fun...I must admit it is fun to play with.

Hard to believe January is almost over. We have been very fortunate thus far as far as winter goes...with very little snow. A dusting here and there....more unseasonably mild temps than normal....some rain. We even had THUNDER during some storms this month. I do not think I have ever heard thunder in January before! I think the most we have gotten so far has been about 4-6 inches ....and otherwise it is nice dustings and then they blow or melt away...it sure does look pretty to see it snow though. (and this is the year I bought you actual snow boots!) lol.

Speech therapy is back on....I have revamped it now so you are only receiving actual SPEECH THERAPY and no more social scenarios they were trying to keep interjecting in your speech therapy time. You are doing fine socially and I have no worries there...they need to spend more time on the speech therapy part. So that is finally happening and maybe you will be able to make some faster progress this way. After all, it has been like 10 years that you have been in speech therapy now!

School is going well...you are really making heads and tails out of your math which excites both you and me. It is like the lightbulb finally went off in your brain and you just GET IT. I get the luxury of refresher courses on the way in all subjects as I teach you..or I even learn things I never knew before. MANY times you know an answer when I DO NOT! However, getting you to break away from your computer to do school remains a huge challenge. In fact...getting you away from it for much of anything is a challenge. BUT you have been that way for years. You do not seem to need anyone as far as much of anything...and I realize that is the autistic parts of you....and I too am very much okay being by myself a lot of the time...but I did remind you that you will have to be around people some of the time...and asked you if you could or even wanted to do anything with people...you said ONLINE..I asked about real life..you said "with a girl." haha...so I guess in the end you will be fine.

I saw this sign the other day posted online on Facebook and I was telling you about it. You just smiled...but when I got to the part about being 50 years you immediately stopped me cold and said, "well I don't have to worry about that stage because YOU WILL BE DEAD by then!" I proceeded to tell you that would only be less than 40 years away and I COULD VERY WELL still be VERY MUCH ALIVE thank you very much!



Well...I need to get your school time in for today..the day is fading fast and I have house cleaning to finish as well.

OH..you have been staying up like WAY TOO LATE...and that has to change!

Love you lots,

mom
x0x0x0x

Dear Noah....your visit over Christmas with your dad...

I just realized I forgot to upload photos here about your visit with your dad over Christmas break. He flew in from Colorado to spend a few days with us...and you had a great time visiting with him. This was the first time in 3 years since you had seen him last. You 2 played videogames together and trains...we opened presents...went out to eat....and just had a very nice visit. I know you have missed him a lot since he went back to Colorado. I still sometimes think maybe we should be living closer together so you could see him more often, especially as you are entering those teen years!

Here is a picture of the 2 of you I took at the Asian Buffet restaurant.

I love you Noah. Hard to believe you are now 13 years old! I think I forgot to post pics and anything about that too..your birthday on December 29th! See I was on vacation from work for over 2 weeks and I did not keep up online with posts I guess.

You are officially a teenager now....wow. So hard to believe. I will include just a couple of pics from your BD now too. We made up a Shutterfly photo book for your dad as a gift and 1 for us to keep with pics from his trip and the holidays. It turned out nice and he loved it.

I love you lots....

Mommy...mom.....
XOXOXOX

Happy New Year blessings to you and yours!

Noah and I are wishing you all a very blessed and happy, healthy, prosperous, abundant, joyful, and peaceful new year!

Entertrainment Junction - Noah and I took a trip!

We went to Entertrainment Junction...an amazing train place...so much to see and do! So many model RR displays....it is an awesome place if you love trains! Here are a few pics and video clips from our trip!

Make your own slideshow

Dear Noah: Robin Spielberg piano concert

When you were little...I introduced you to piano music played by Robin Spielberg. You fell in love with her music just like I did...and listened to it a lot. During our trips from Colorado to Ohio it was a popular choice of CDs to listen to during the long drive...especially if we wanted you to relax and go to sleep. When you were little and riding in the car you seldom slept...I guess afraid you would miss seeing something. You were the best little traveler I have ever known though...and loved going for drives and trips in the car. You STILL DO! You never tire of it. But Robin's music became something you really enjoyed. Here is a clip of you when you first began listening to her music...this song was one of your favorites....it is called "BUTTERFLY" from Robin's "IN THE ARMS OF THE WIND" CD




Well..Robin Spielberg came to our city of Greenville, Ohio to play at our local Memorial Hall and I bought us tickets to go see her...you were SOOOOO excited to find this out and to go see her in concert. I only took a couple of pics and they did not turn out great.



Arriving for the show....Memorial Hall in Greenville is beautiful!



When we got there...there were a lot of very "formally" dressed people...and a lot of older people. You made remarks about this several times. You said, "Wow there are a lot of elders here tonight." Pretty soon you leaned over the balcony railing where we sat in the front row and said, "Wow there are even MORE elderlies down there!" and "I think I am the youngest person here tonight!" followed by "I think the entire retirement home is here tonight!!"

There were a lot of "elderlies" there as I am sure they like Robin's music too. It is sooo peaceful and relaxing. If you ever cannot sleep her CD is a good way to relax and wind down. Robin even talked about that herself during the concert...about how if we noticed a person sitting beside us nodding off to just gently nudge them awake again.


This is pretty poor quality because while ROBIN said it was okay to take pics or movie clips the "elderlies" around us seemed very irritated when I got my camera out, even though I did not use a flash but I wiggled my hand and the pic turned out crappy. Next time I won't care what they think and do a good job!

You almost dozed off twice and I was tired myself. We have been busy reorganizing and cleaning the house. Your dad is coming in from Colorado for a visit and that finally lit a fire under me to get things in order around here.

I asked if you would be able to sit through the second half of the show after intermission but you started to think maybe you could not. You were tired and hungry. So we left a little early. I asked if you wanted to meet Robin in person but you said, "NOOOOOOO!" to that idea and out the door you went.

I know when she first came on stage you looked at me and told me,"I am going to use the hood of my coat and hide my smile on my face when she comes out" because you were certainly grinning.....A LOT! A BIG, HUGE grin!

Well...after the concert we went to pizza hut and I treated you to pizza...then home to crash.

You have been staying up way too late again at night....and sleeping in then very late to make up for it. While this works out well, as I can work during the time you sleep...it really is not a great habit for you to get into.

Today you had to do a benchmark test to see if you have improved in math and reading to prepare you for the Ohio State Achievement testing in late spring. You got a perfect score last time in Reading and a good enough score to pass the test in math as well. This time I hoped you would continue to show improvement in math and you did! You beat your first score by almost an additional 50 points and scored perfect on the algebra section. And you think you don't like algebra!

We are getting ready for Christmas. We have totally redone your room and wow it is looking great! I will have to post pics on another post.

I love you Noah. You sure are growing up so fast!

Mommy
XOXOXOX

Dear Noah...you are growing up so fast!

The other day my knee came out of joint again or whatever it tends to do...(holding off on a knee replacement as long as I can)...and I could barely walk. When it came time for bed...you had to help me get my leg into bed as I still had not been able to pop it back into place...wow did it smart!

Anyway..you had a sleepover in my room...and we got to talking. It became a very deep/long conversation. In fact I ended up only getting about 1-1/2 hours of sleep before I had to get up at 3:50 a.m. for work.

It was worth being sleep deprived though as I know these conversations are a once-in-a-lifetime type of deal and only come along every so often. I truly do try to LIVE IN THE MOMENT and appreciate even disruptions like this in my sleep time because you never know when they may be your last time to soak it all up.

So you began talking about growing up...and wanting to be an architect. You wondered if that was a field that would be in demand by the time you grew up since the market now for new building has slowed down tremendously due to the economy. I told you, you could always design unique homes for richer people or go into commercial building architecture which was actually something you had wanted to do as well. You seemed pretty pleased with that and felt reassured you could have a job doing something you enjoyed one day...you talked about some of the houses you have designed recently and even ONE you said I COULD LIVE IN....but it has some quirks that needed to be worked out yet. I guess part of you is afraid I will end up in some retirement home because of my health issues...and I explained to you that was usually reserved for MUCH OLDER people and only when even they could AFFORD TO actually retire and live on whatever money was going to be coming into them from any outside sources besides any they have put aside for themself. I also reassured you I had no plans of going to any retirement center and was not planning on ever leaving you high and dry so to speak..and you said you knew this.

You talked about also wanting to be a "writer" and create stories for your favorite Sonic comics...which I think is also a great idea. In fact...you said your heart "became so lightened" by this idea you were super excited to get started and the next night you wrote an amazing storyline idea several pages long. You used some pretty big words and I happened to notice one in particular we had just learned this past week in vocabulary, "retort" and you used it correctly! I asked you if you purposefully thought about using any of those words or if that word just came to you..and you said it just came to you! WOW..this means not only are you learning the words but you are RETAINING the words! I was impressed.

The way you "write/type" for something you are interested in compared to assignments for school, however, is the difference between night and day. WOW...almost looks like it is written by two different people. You write much better for something you are interested in and much more advanced...expressing yourself pretty well. It is like pulling teeth to try to get you to compile anything making much sense for school. So we will be working on that. I think you just need to have more confidence in yourself really.

You then said you were going to start trying some new foods....and wanted to learn to cook and use a cookbook to make new dishes to try. You said that was something maybe we could even do together. I thought it was a great idea. You wanted me to teach you to do laundry. I told you that yes...I had plans to teach you all these life skills.

You confided your fears that you thought you would do poorly when it came to money. I tried to reassure you I felt you would do fine as long as you avoided credit cards and paid yourself a little first and then your bills. I said we would get you a checking account or savings account and start teaching you about money.

I asked you why the sudden/rush of interest to learn all these things that I had said to you often ybefore that you would need to learn so you could be out on your own one day? You said because you wanted to start getting ready to be out on your own one day.

Let's see...you will be 13 in December...I think you have a little time...but then again...it is never too early to learn life skills and start using them.

What impressed me even more than anything...was the ending of the conversation. You said after all of this you wanted me to teach you how to "have a simple life." I love that. I try very hard to keep our life simple now...and I am pretty sure that is what you meant...keeping your life simple so you can avoid the stress and situations that used to just send you over the edge. Not getting so hung up in all the things a lot of others do....etc.

Suddenly without any warning you said, "Okay that is enough talking, it is time to go to sleep now!" and that was it! Conversation over...finished...done.

I am so amazed at how far you have come and continue to go. We both looked back over videos of you from a long time ago...and back then I thought I could understand your language you used pretty well as you really did not talk so much as make sounds and added a few intelligible words here and there. BOTH of us could barely understand what you were saying looking back now. You have improved so much with your speech and talking and using words.

Another thing I noticed was how you are finally able to actually SIT and be still and more focused now for school....and other things. You are MUCH MORE relaxed and not literally bouncing off the walls or chair. IN prior videoclips it shows you not even being able to sit for school...here at home or in the public school...you had to stand and move constantly..holding something in your hands all the time to fidget with it...moving your head around and making sounds...eyes all over the place....just on overload all the time.

You have come a long way and I know you still have a long way to go but I feel really blessed at the progress you have made and continue to make each day. I thank God for you Noah as you have been the biggest blessing to my life.

I will love you forever....

Mom
XOXOXOXOX

Oh..you told me the other day while patting my hair on the top of my head you sort of like my GRAY hair now. Yes I have not been putting any henna rinses on it for a while and the hairs around my face and top of my head are getting gray. Before you had told me I was not allowed to let any gray hair show ever till I was at least 65 years old! BUT you patted it and said now you sort of liked it. You said I sorta matched your dad's hair now...and we would make a good pair...(no we are not getting back together for any family reading this)...but it was cute the gestures you used and the comments you made.

AlSO we have been watching WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY together at night...your sense of humor has just developed leaps and bounds! You laugh hysterically now at things that are really funny and UNDERSTAND what they mean...whereas before you did not have a clue. So we are really enjoying that time together.

I have my work cut out for me. I need to make sure you are successful in your education and schoolwork...and in life...and get myself prepared to be on my own probably one day without you living right here with me each day and minute which is a lifestyle I have known now for 12-1/2 years..and reduced income one day as no more child support or benefits for you will be coming in. That is fine and I know all that will more than work out ...I am more focused on getting you where you need to be one day.

It will exciting to see all the doors that will surely open for you one day in the future Noah.

ALL MY LOVE!
Mom
XOXOX

Asperger's Syndrome - Clay Marzo: Just Add Water

This explains so much in such a short time and so very well.....

Dear Noah.......

I've made mistakes being a Mom, sometimes more than I'd like to admit. But I will always be there for you, to hear you, cheer for you, to laugh or cry with you, to protect you with my life and sometimes tell you things you don't want to hear. I will love you for eternity. No one (but God) will ever love you more than I do, because I am your Mom.

Dear Noah....we have had an easy, breezy summer so far....

and glancing at the calendar I realize how fast it is going and school will be starting soon! YIKES! Where has the time gone??

You are still in that period of natural transition....being 12 years old and almost a teenager....you are ready to go through all the stuff in your room to clean it up and move stuff out to make room for newer things...things you are interested in now.....so that will be a big project but I would certainly like to get it started and completed before school starts...same for my office/schoolroom area. SO I guess we will need to crack the whip!

We took grandma C. to the Chinese restaurant for lunch the other Sunday...she loves Chinese. You like fried rice....

when passing through my parents' town the other week you wanted me to stop and take a picture of all these vending machines lined up...I had never seen a PRINGLES vending machine before!

Of course you have spent some time with your cousin Audrey too this summer...and you always enjoy that.

Your grandma and grandpa Lincoln got a new dog but we have not made it over yet to see it....














It has been SUPER HOT these last couple of weeks...with the heat index ranging between 105 and 115 degrees! We have needless to say stayed indoors a lot. We did venture out to see the latest Harry Potter movie in 3D..that was fun and a good movie....and I loved the previews coming out for new movies....some of them look amazing.

Anyway...you got your test scores back for the state.....did okay there...but could have done better on the math I think...I think you freeze up on tests personally...you get so stressed out about them.

Well...off for now...lots to do today. It is noon and you are still asleep! You are going to have to start going to bed a little earlier!

I love you!

Mom
XOXOXO

Dear Noah....one of our best days ever!!

or at least I thought so! I only had to work half day on Saturday...and the weather was absolutely gorgeous. Only low 70s...lots of big fluffy clouds in the sky.....cool breeze blowing...my perfect kind of weather for summer! We decided to go to Idle Hour Ranch in Troy, Ohio for a visit. It was an awesome place....where you can get up close and personal with many animals.....even feed them. It was a wonderful outing...and I am sure we will go back again! YOUR favorite part was mining for gems....where you could play around in the water...in fact..you liked this so much...you want me to build one just like it in our backyard.




We saw elephants, kangaroos, parrots, horses, giraffe, camels, a yak, goats, llamas, pigs, coyote, cougar (forgot to snap a pic of him), elk, ostrich, tortoise, fish, owl, prairie dog, fox, dogs, just a lot of wonderful animals! You could feed them too if you wanted. They were giving elephant rides this weekend...the elephants were actually here for 3 weekends only visiting in between other shows they do somewhere else for another touring group.....soon some tigers will be stopping by the ranch for a visit...







here is a link to the ranch...

IDLE HOUR RANCH

After we left the ranch we went to CiCi's Pizza....you have been wanting to go there for a long time and a new one had opened in Huber Heights...it was fantastic food and wonderful restaurant. The pizza was excellent and they had some new kinds of pizza to try! I like the thin crust authentic Italian and macaroni and cheese ones the best! You liked sausage and sausage and ham pizzas the best. You were in heaven!







Then we drove down to hit up the Covered Wagon Farmer's Market in Union, Ohio.....wow...they had some amazing things there....anything from soaps, candles, candies, fresh homemade Amish baked goods and canned goods.....fresh vegetables...dried goods....etc....and flowers and plants outside.




While looking inside we saw a beautiful buttefly or moth that had gotten trapped down in a bin between some packages of crackers. I thought it was fake at first....looked almost like wood lying there...but you said no and touched it and he began to move around. I told him if he wanted to live he better get on my finger so I could take him outside..and HE DID! I had you open a side door inside the store and the moth/butterfly turned around and looked at me..and I said to "GO....GO...you can go you are free!" and it turned around the other direction and flew away towards the flowers. He looked like this...sort of....



I bought some peanut butter fudge, banana bread and pumpkin bread among other things...and even though I do not need another candle..they had some clearance hot buttered popcorn candles on sale and that is a discontinued scent and smells so yummy...I got one!

link to Covered Wagon Farm Market

Covered Wagon Farm Market

We saw my cousin and husband in the store while there and they invited us over to see their house down the road when we were done shopping...so next up was a drive over there....then we drove to Arcanum to see grandma C....had a wonderful visit with her as well....



you went outside to catch lightning bugs before we left....




The weather was gorgeous.....the night was just beginning...so we rolled all the windows down in the car/truck and drove around..the lightning bugs sparkled in the fields...it was almost like being in a convertible and you and I loved it! You want to do it again...and we will...cause I loved it too!

We had an awesome day...and it was even better for me cause I got to share all that with you! I have decided no matter how I may look or feel...this is our life NOW...and we better live it now while we can and not wait around until everything is just right to do something. I hope you had as much fun as I did! You have been busy working on Sonic chatroom movies to load onto You Tube. You have become very creative with your storyline and now have included and designed your own Sonic characters to have different mouths and eyes so they show EMOTION when you load still pics to your movie...it is great...cause when the movie still shots move in the slide show..it does make it look like the characters are MOVING and SHOWING EMOTION! ALL this is huge for you besides the creativity factor....because you really do understand emotions now and even how those emotions look on a face and in words. It is amazing.

We went a lot of places yesterday....ate at the park too...drove around our city.....went visiting....stopped at our local library...you got to play with my cousin's dog....we just had an awesome time. I cannot say that enough.

I love you Noah...thanks for the wonderful memories. Hope you will always remember today too!

Mommy
XOXOXOX

oh P.S....we went to see Cars 2 at our local theater on Friday...and it was also awesome! You loved it so much...laughed and giggled..said it was your favorite one ever....

Dear Noah.....a disagreement....

(Message reads..."Until you say you're sorry AND go to CiCi's pizza within 2 weeks, I'm not even going to talk to you till then. If the 2 weeks are up, I'm leaving...so goodbye mom...cause I know you won't go till then"

You have been in a very argumentative stage recently...probably due a lot to your tween years....you will be 13 in December. However...you seem to want to argue with your mother about a lot of things. Now sometimes you are correct....but regardless of who is right or wrong...I am trying to teach you...you don't argue with your mother...

Today we had thought about going to CiCi's pizza as a treat .....but before leaving you and I got into a disagreement....you started arguing with me again...and I said that was it....forget it...we would not go to CiCi's pizza. I was sick and tired of your attitude...thinking you knew everything and was always right about everything and this was clearly something I was right about...as it pertained to a setting on our computers....long story..but basically you got very upset.....you did apologize and start to cry..but I told you it would not matter anyway. You still did not deserve to go to CiCi's pizza today. I did not raise you to be disrespectful to me your mom...or your dad...or any of your elder relatives...etc. I told you your behavior would never get you anywhere in life with a parent, grandparent, future boss or girlfriend/wife. DEMANDING things and being argumentative was never a positive and usually you ended up with zip. AND the biggest lesson..there are always consequences for your actions and choices. Your consequence for being so disrespectful to me and then sending me this ultimatum message was not going to CiCi's pizza.

You tried to squeeze in how I am the WORLD'S BEST MOM...but, "YOU HAVE REALLY CRAPPY LECTURES!!" and you apparently hate them....and you started crying all over again. I am thankful you handle getting upset SOOOO much better than you used to. You have learned over time to keep yourself and emotions in pretty good check...to control any physicality and to USE YOUR WORDS to express how you are feeling and what your needs are. I praised you for that. I told you...you did the right thing by keeping it in check..and going to your computer to type out your anger to me in words....but....how your ultimatum and threats were not a good choice...and again how all this was just so disrespectful to me.

I know notes like this will come ...hopefully not often...but they are always hurtful..even from you at 12 years of age or maybe if you are 50. Wait..if you would be 50 I would be 90 and I doubt I would give a crap then..lol...NO ..I still would if I have my sanity intact. Words can be a positive or negative to anyone....we are to use our words to BUILD EACH OTHER UP...not tear each other down. I grew up in a verbally abusive ( and sometimes even physically abusive) time and I do my best to never subject you to a life like that.

BUT...after reading the note where you say you will leave.. I try to tell you a kid just up and leaving or trying to run away would be the worst thing you could ever do....there are perverts all over the world just waiting to get their hands on kids like you....to do all sorts of horrific things to...if not ending up and even murdering you. You say you would go to your dad. I ask you HOW...you said he would come pick you up. I then tell you we will call your dad...because your dad would have not only said the same things I did...he would have done the same thing.

We did call...your dad did say he would do the same thing...and that you had to learn there are consequences for your actions..and when you are being disrespectful, etc....you did not deserve a "treat"...

So all in all we talked more...oh sorry...LECTURED some more.....no we actually talked....I asked you if you understood everything and how you felt about things....and I wanted to hear your feelings and how you felt....and we went over everything again. AND finally got it all worked out...and no...we did not today....go to CiCi's pizza. That will be another day.....

I still love you...even if I have crappy lectures.

Mom
XOXOXO

Dear Noah.....your mom singing to songs she JAMMED to in high school...

yeah...that song came on the car radio....and it took me back...I wanted to go CRUISING....with the windows down...and sing along with the song.

You just wanted to turn it off...and get out of the car as fast as you could...

love you anyway...

cause...

you're some kind of wonderful!

mommy
xoxoxox

Dear Noah.....saving your words...

You have been really emotional lately..not wanting to go anywhere....just holing up in your bedroom...your sanctuary....watching videos on your computer or reading online comics....drawing comics in PAINT on your computer....

Last night when you went to bed we got to talking. You started crying...you have been crying at the drop of a hat this week. Anyway...you started to tell me you had a NEW SONIC character you had come up with to make a new movie but you were having trouble DRAWING her in PAINT on your computer. You have drawn characters before and I have always thought you did a good job considering you only have a mouse to use with your Paint program. That is hard to draw anything using a mouse.

Anyway...you wanted to draw this girl character....but you could only do the front. You said you could not do the sides..and you became so frustrated in the room...you finally gave up. You let me know that your art program this year in school did not show you how to do such things or show you how to SHADE characters you did draw.

I told you ...you had never told me these things before...and I asked you why you never tell me things? I mean I will never know what is bothering you or what you might need unless you tell me. You said you were kind of following what you heard the average man does....only speaking about 2000 to 4000 words per day.

I about busted a gut on that one. I asked you, "WHAT???" and you proceeded to explain to me how you had read somewhere back in 2008 online that a man usually only speaks about 2000 to 4000 words per day and you were apparently trying to make sure to only do that...or thought you had to do that in order to be a man?

I told you most women yes speak MANY more words than you guys ever would..BUT..we also would LOVE it if you guys would open up your mouths more and let us know more about what you are thinking and how you are feeling and that in the future your future girlfriend would appreciate that from you too.

So I informed you..you do come from a family of artists and creative people and if you wanted to learn to draw better it should be easy to do...and I could help teach you over the summer how to draw your comic characters better or even your grandpa or uncle...etc. We have many artists in the family and some taught art.

You are going to show me your special character tonight and we are going to start working on drawing her.

Saving your words.....what will you tell me next?

I love you....wordless or not.

Mom
XOXOXOXO