Monday, June 25, 2012
Dear Noah....another summer hair cut!
Noah getting his summer hair cut. He likes it short in the summer especially!
I personally cannot believe we will be heading into JULY already...where is the summer going? I always make all these plans...and unless I start to really get my butt in gear Mr. Noah...I won't be getting things accomplished again like I had wanted this summer....and we won't be doing some of the things I had wanted.
Today I want to work on a GRAND PLAN and write out all my/our goals...I sometimes even put that off...so hopefully it will help me actually get things done around here. Meanwhile you are all about MINE CRAFT and playing it or watching videos about it in your room every hour you are awake pretty much. Trying to get you out of your room to do anything can be difficult but you do it for me sometimes. Today is a nice day...hopefully you will come out and enjoy it some with me!
Love you lots...you are growing up so fast. One of the biggest things I think that is the most difficult for me to handle right now with you....is how I know you love me or other people in the family....but you are also pretty aloof to it all....and not very emotional about anything...not really "showing" how you feel. We talked about when people pass on for example...and you said while you might be sad or feel a little sad...you would not cry...and in fact...I know this to be true....and you just go about your day as usual. I know this is definitely part of your being autistic...and something I try to grasp...and I definitely know you love me...but also know you can do just fine WITHOUT me in your life. This is a good feeling but also a little sad for me...lol...I am not going to lie about it..but I am more thankful you will be FINE really than NOT.
I saw this best portrayed in the movie SNOWCAKE when Sigourney Weaver (sp?) plays an autistic person...and her daughter gets killed in a car accident...the man who had been driving her daughter and felt responsible for the accident goes to apologize to Sigourney the mother...and she answers the door..he tells her about him being the one who was driving....etc....and she just says "Oh okay" and shuts the door. He stands there not understanding why she does not seem more emotional than she does. He eventually gets inside her house and she ends up comforting him more than he comforting her and they become friends. She is very aloof and matter-of-fact about the accident and details and the fact that her daughter died...not showing any sadness or crying...etc. That is how you are when you are in situations where most would probably cry or show their sadness..etc. You just go on about your day as usual.
As you have gotten older...this has become much more pronounced. It is not just part of you becoming a typical teenager..as I know most kids do distance themselves from their parents and think their parents are idiots and know nothing...etc...or embarrass them. It is much more than that and has become more enhanced. I try to teach you what the normal responses are for most people...but we also talk about how that is probably never going to be a normal reaction or response for you..not instinctively and natural at least..and I certainly don't want you to "fake" anything...but I also want you to try to understand WHY people might be sad or cry over certain things that happen in life and why you should be considerate of their feelings and emotions and respect them.
Over the years as I sit here looking back over how far you have come and all we have accomplished so far in your life and world..I am amazed...but also realize we have a ways to go...though the mechanics of it all have greatly changed.
So here's to summer and fun-filled days and memory making and learning and preparing you to be out on your own one day!
I love you Noah Wesley.....so much.