Friday, August 14, 2009
So Mr. Noah.........
I have been really tired a lot lately at night. You have caught on to that....and if I fall asleep on the sofa you let me sleep......why? Because if you let me sleep...you stay up late playing on your computer!
You took things a step further last night. I came through the hallway last night about 10:50 and said it was time for bed. I went on to bed.....thinking you would come into my room and either get in my bed for a sleepover or at least tell me you were ready for me to tuck you in.
You DID come in....saw I was asleep...you said you DID think about getting in my bed but I was taking up my entire bed and there was no room for you and you did not want to wake me to make me move over.....so you quietly went right back into your room...where you proceeded to stay up until 1:30 a.m.!!! (the other night you LEFT my room from another sleepover to move to the loveseat to finish sleeping...saying I was snoring too loud for you to stay in my room!)
This morning I suddenly woke up around 3:00 a.m........or sometime before that.....and realized I should check on you......not believing I had fallen asleep and you were not in my bed......and I had somehow slept through all this. I found you not on the sofa or loveseat....but IN YOUR OWN bed in YOUR room. You had crawled into bed all by yourself.......cleaning the bed off first......covered yourself up and even plugged in your fan all by yourself. AND you were sound asleep! Sleeping really good.
I was a mixed bag of emotions. I was suddenly taken aback with the fact that you are growing up and all these little things I do for you (tucking you in....plugging in your fan.....turning out the light....saying your prayers with you..etc)....well...you will one day be able to do them all by yourself and you will no longer need me to do them for you or even with you. You may not even want me to share those things with you one day. All these things I might even sometimes wish you could do on your own now..but I still do them for you because you can't or just because I am your mom and love you. You still prefer me to cover you up and do most of these things for you....but I encourage you to do them....so you know you can. AND see.....you can!....you DID! You went to bed on your own. Well after I said it was time for bed but still.....
I realized standing there in your doorway looking at you sound asleep.....that you can do it ....you will be able to do it.....and all entirely on your own one day.
I may end up with more free time than I ever realized one day...and that day might be a lot closer than I ever thought possible.
My job as a mom is to raise you to become independent one day. I guess we are headed down the right track.
Today you told me what you learned online about Mars and the moons around it and the other planets. You get online a lot to just do research and learn so many things that way.
Now if we can get you to STOP whatever you are doing long enough to go the bathroom when you need to have a bowel movement so you can actually HAVE one instead of trying to hold it and having to only wipe your butt instead about 40 times per day with maybe 1 or 2 real bowel movements in the middle.....if that. No kidding ...yesterday I think you brought out at least 25 bags of dirty wipes you had used (we no longer flush them down the toilet but instead put them in disposable diaper bags and toss them). You still cannot tie the bags shut so you bring these presents to me so I can do that final step.
We are going to work on you learning to tie off these bags so you can do this entire process all by yourself! AND I am prompting you to go when you have to go and not wait!!!!
Meanwhile we will keep moving along.......and I know you are growing up. It is bittersweet....I hope and pray I am doing a decent job as your mom because I think I could be doing so much more for you than I am.
I do love you Noah. To the Mars Moons and back again.....forever and ever I will.