Friday, April 18, 2008

Dear Noah......school dance......




Back in March the week we had the blizzard your school had scheduled a 3rd grade dance for a Friday night but because of the blizzard....the dance was canceled and they rescheduled it for TONIGHT.

You have mentioned a few times about the dance coming up..but never told me you might want to go to it. In fact I wondered what you would do if you did go because I did not think you would want to dance......I did not know if you could be OKAY on your own by yourself at a dance.....so many unknowns. I guess I forget to think you are at that age where doing things like that ...hanging with your friends even if you don't dance.....might appeal to you. I am sure you heard the kids talking about it at school today.

Somehow I found myself slipping back into the old ways of thinking when we always tried to avoid social settings such as those because your behavior was too unpredictable and you could lose it at the drop of a hat ...if someone looked at your wrong......or said something you did not like.....ANY number of things could set you off.....so it was easier to just not expose you to many social situations and added stress.

I found out today when I picked you up from school however when your parapro told me you apparently had wanted to go to the dance. I guess at lunch time you were looking really sad and depressed and was really bummed out so she asked you what was wrong. You told her "I don't have a date for the dance tonight!" And your parapro told you you did not have to have a date...you could come by yourself......but it was a pre-sale dance and the tickets had to be bought in advance and since you never told ME I never sent any money and hence you ended up with NO ticket. (The tickets came with a glow stick.......so at first we thought you might have wanted to go to the dance just to get the glow stick ticket. BUT it was not the glow stick you were interested in. You had wanted to go to the dance).

SO you got very upset to realize you were not even going to get to go to the dance.

I then found out you had a girl already in mind to ASK to the dance.....the one you have seen on the playground carrying HER Sonic plushie doll around. You zoomed in on her the first time you noticed her out on the playground with the Sonic toy (also your favorite). SO I guess you told your parapro you had wanted to ask her to go to the dance with you.....and when I asked what you were going to do there you said "DANCE!" I asked what kind of dances.....and you said "there are no set dances to dance......I would do whatever I felt like......all custom dances!"

I feel horrible. Horrible because you will miss out on this experience which is a HUGE milestone for you.....to even want to go! I know there will be other dances...and I doubt you will ever have any problems asking a girl to go with you.

BUT then I worry and wonder. Would she say yes? Would you dance silly and like a child much younger than your stated age (sort of like the kids on Romper Room) and other kids make fun of you? You are so carefree and oblivious to these things so I doubt even if they did mock you....that it would bother you or you would even be aware of it. But that is upsetting in a way too for me. I never want you to be afraid to just relax and be who you are. I am not wanting you to try to be someone you are not or like everyone else. It is good to be different! BUT I also know other kids can be cruel....and you are rapidly approaching the age where your differences will likely start becoming a lot more noticeable.....and some kids might try to torment you. That is something I wish to avoid for your sake.

You must tell me ahead of time when you want to do something like this....so I can contact the school and make sure someone will be there to help monitor you through this SOCIAL setting....because that is an area where you need the most help. I cannot just drop you off to fend for yourself.....someone would have to monitor you and this was kids only (with a few teacher/chaperones).

In the end the parapro and your teacher made special arrangements for your resource room class to have a BIG DANCE/PARTY after all the state testing is completed next week. This you are excited about now. It will give you a chance to be with the other kids in a dance-like setting monitored by your parapro and teacher. So that is good. However, you have already mentioned you want that little girl to also be there but I told you she probably would not because she was not in your class and this was just for your class. So you are disappointed all over again.

I then asked you if you had ever spoken to her on the playground. You said no. SO I told you one day next week to go up to her at recess and say "Hello, my name is Noah and I see you have a Sonic plushie! I love Sonic the Hedgehog too and I also have a lot of the plushies!" AND from there to just get to know her and play in a general way with her IF she wants to. You are wanting to play with her SONIC toy but I told you she may not want to share it and if not.....that WAS OKAY! AND to NOT grab it from her and take off with it. SO many things to go over. I hope you can make this new friend. I know most of the girls seem to love you and you them.....so hopefully it will go well.

I know you have made some friends this year in school and I am happy for you about that. I love you very much Noah.....I am sorry you missed this dance.

Mommy
XOXOX

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Awww...poor guy sounds like he really wants to be friends with her. I hope he works up the courage to say hello.

Isn't 3rd grade a little young for a dance? Geesh...maybe not, I guess they start these things younger and younger nowadays. Listen to me, I sound like I'm 90 years old.

Love you Melinda....

Old Lady Lincoln said...

I would say third grade was a little young. I don't think any of you kids had a dance until about middle school. He'll probably not remember this little incident. But then you never know. Yes, I hope he doesn't grab the toy from her, that would probably scare her and make her mad at the same time. Nothing worse than having a girl mad at you. Hope he has fun at the dance his class will be having. Hope there are enough girls to dance with, but then I guess they don't really need a partner, just get out there and dance around. LOL Love you both.