Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dear Noah:


We have had a few struggles lately getting you ready for bed on time....wipe your butt all on your own (which you were doing very well prior to the plumbing issues). Now you have to wipe but we have to put wipes in baggies and it involves a lot more steps and you get more frustrated more quickly and then cry and want to give up. You were doing so well all BY YOURSELF if you could just wipe and toss it in the toilet. YOU are still wiping mostly by yourself because I have to push you and push you and it is hard and exhausting and I feel like such a mean mommy sometimes for all the constant what-seems-like-nagging.......and you end up crying a lot or wanting me to finish wiping you. It is all emotional drama all over again. Sometimes I just want to give in and wipe your butt and forget it but no....I don't. I know I cannot do this or you will never learn to do it...you will always depend on me to wipe your butt. I persist and make you get the things ready ahead of time you will need...the wipes...the baggies...it is like we live on a houseboat not being able to put things down the toilet. I told you, you would not want me still wiping your butt at 20 years of age! You said "yes I would!" all the while crying.

We got into it 2 nights ago about bedtime. Once again you were not ready on time. I got very upset about this. I felt bad because you cried....and drew a picture of a broken heart and sad smiley face on your Doodle Pad. I asked you if that were you or me....you said you...because I was angry at you and that made you sad and you had a broken heart.

This made me feel like total shit. I have been fighting feeling horrible ever since. I know it is all part of normal growing up but I never want you to feel sad or have a broken heart especially because of me saying something to you or being angry with you. You went to bed crying....another thing I NEVER want you to do.

I could still cry just thinking about it. It has all become very overwhelming. For you and me once again. We will be doing school year round this year....because of so many OFF days we have had. Just getting you (or me) motivated to stay on track this year has been tough.

I love you......I hope today your little heart is whole again.

mommy :X

2 comments:

Daddy said...

Noah and Melinda

I know that the past few weeks have been tough on you. Especially the plumbing issues. It takes time, my luttle man, to understand that when a routine changes it is sometimes for the best, or because we need to make sure that something, in this case the toilet, will be in good working order. Daddy knows how you struggle with bedtime. BUT mommy does know when it's best for you to head to bed. I know that you are sooooooo afraid that you will miss something that you feel is very important, but you know what? There will be just as many exciting things to see and view the next day.Try and remember that ...and maybe you can try and make taht a new part of your bedtime ritual.
Mommy and Daddy love you very much and we ask that you do certain things because of that love.
BIG hug and kiss for my smart cutie pututie! XXOOXXOO :)
Love Daddy

Abraham Lincoln said...

Well it is a struggle and hard for those of us not facing them to even imagine. I hope it all works out in the end, so to speak, and I am sure it will. Have a good day and have some popcorn.