Dear Noah:

So I should have known. We finally got some furniture!!! YEAH for that. However...I had my queen-sized sleigh bed headboard still propped on the hallway wall till I set it up....but this was apparently partially blocking the nightlight in the hall. WHICH normally shines into your room partway which you like as your room is very dark and even though you have a dimmer nightlight in there...it is difficult to see enough I guess during the night to make you feel secure and comfortable. SO I had gone to bed and was talking to someone on the phone and I realized my bedroom door was now open and I knew I had closed it 45 minutes prior. I asked if you were in the room. I heard a faint "yes". You had apparently been standing outside my door......for some reason again not wanting to come over and say anything to me. Tap me on the arm...or just even announce you needed something.

This has been an ongoing problem for you. When you need something trying to get you to VERBALIZE you need something, especially in the early morning if I am still asleep or like last night......when I am in bed but talking on the phone. You will get up...but you never let anyone know you ARE up or that you need something. You have never been one to wake me up during the night if needed. I remember walking into my mom and dad's bedroom at night if I needed something and tapping my mom's arm.....and calling out "mom". You don't do that. You come into my room......and beside me in the bed...but you just stand there. Eventually I guess something in the environment for me changes and I wake up and there you stand. We are working on this.....trying to make you realize you have to OPEN up your mouth and TELL someone you are there and need something.

Last night the fact that your room was too dark bothered you. I should have known to just FIX that to begin with cause you were on your perpetual cycle of anxiety about it.....and could not get past it to fall asleep. I got up and moved the headboard out of the way......and you were happy again and soon fell asleep.

MOST people do not understand how obssessed you can become over things....let alone when something is NOT right in your environment or around you. They would all just be better off realizing that you are more sensitive to things than they are....and to just MAKE it right and you will be fine. No amount of convincing you the light is fine.....your room is fine....it is not too dark...etc. will change how you feel. You will still obssess about it till it is rectified.

For some reason I temporarily forgot that last night. I guess cause sometimes now I CAN successfully get you to accept some things as being "OKAY" when to you in the past they would never have been considered acceptable.

We are a work in progress.

i love you

mommy :X