Monday, June 05, 2006

Dear Noah: mommy is a bit concerned

I let you on my computer the other check out Lowes and furnaces and water heaters and houses and anything to do with building stuff and houses.

I only ran downstairs for a minute. I came back up and you had a site online that had a listing of all these porn sites and stuff. I checked the subject said something about "my peepee in your poopy".

I asked how you came across this and you would not tell me. Over and over again you would not tell me anything. You said "I don't know" a lot!

FINALLY you said you typed in the word "poopy" in Google's search bar. I asked why and you did not really know....other than to see what came up.

I understand kids can become curious about your age...I THINK anyway. BUT I found this odd.

So.........last night. We come back from the new house.....and the neighbor boy is outside. You want to go play "TAG" with him. I said okay while I was I proceeded to move things around in the truck...and you and the boy played tag. I went into the house for a second or two....with you both in my view with the outside light on....and then I heard him saying "come here for just a minute" and you squealing "NO, NO....." and "just a minute" or come here....weird stuff. I wondered what was going I opened the back door...and here you came walking up to the door with your PANTS DOWN past your underwear....trying to pull them up and zip/snap them!!!!!!!

I told you to come inside the house NOW! The neighbor boy took off fast! I asked you what you were doing outside with your pants down!???

You said "I don't know". This went on for at least 15 minutes or more...."I don't know".

FINALLY after I told you I would not get mad but just wanted to know what you were doing and WHY you said "we were looking at each other's penises and butts". I was stunned. I asked "penises and butts???" You said "yeah". I asked all the typical worried mother questions like " did he touch you?", "did you touch him?", "did he ask you to do this?", "did you ask him?", "WHY if you were playing tag would you want to check out each other's penises and butts?"

ON and on...finally you told me that this had happened before...a few always looked at each other's penises and butts. You "pretended to be peeing and pooping!" Outside. Grandma and I talked about this. Not sure WHEN it could have happened at all as I am always there with you or in for a brief few seconds only. SEE what can happen in only a brief few seconds???

FLASHBACK to you coming home from a weekend in a motel with your daddy when we were separated in Colorado. You were on the toilet peeing and complaining about daddy always having to "touch your penis every time he wiped your butt" after a bowel movement. You told me you told him to NOT do it and every time he did it anyway and you said you did not know. "I tell him to stop doing it and every time he still has to do it and I don't know why", with a very concerned look on your face...while you were sitting on the toilet. SO hearing this and knowing the former background of the man convicted of an attempted sexual offense on a minor...made me concerned to say the least!

SO NOW I am not sure if this is just purely child curiosity? Or has this kid put ideas into your head or you into your own? I don't let you watch things on tv that are sexually oriented at all! You have been a bit curious to say the least lately about boobies and butt you have always been infatuated with. I am now making sure to not be naked around you any obviously that is no longer appropriate. I just don't get not sure at all what to think. Am worried about you being with other kids for sure......knowing you have to be supervised and monitored all the time! I MEAN ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! Wondering what you might do...or worse...what someone else might try doing to you as they could obviously take advantage of you and your situation very quickly!

I have a migraine today. It is no wonder. I need to get you some help on social skills immediately!


Loving Liam said...

I would be concerned too. It could be perfectly normal too. I would watch him closely and keep up the communication. Kids are naturally curious, but I would be extra careful with the other boy and even say something about it to his parents. You can never be too careful.
I really enjoy your blog. Good job handling this situation, I am not looking forward to these types of things.

K.C.'sMommy said...

Hi there to you and Noah,
I agree, kiddos are very curious:) I am not sure how I would handle the situation but knowing that Noah is a great reader perhaps a book would help a little. This book may help Noah,
You are a wonderful mother, I am sure I will be facing the same issues when the time comes as well. Congrats on the house you two! It sure is beautiful!
Hugs to you and Noah! Wish you two were our new neighbors!

LynAnne said...

It sounds perfectly normal. I’m actually surprised that my son hasn’t gotten onto Google yet. A friend of mine caught her first grade son typing “boob” into Google and he got an eyeful. My oldest son went through a potty-talk stage in first and second grade where he got the giggles over everything related to pee, poop and private parts. Actually, he still does that but not as much (maybe because his younger brother is going through that stage now?)

"Why" is such a hard question for an autistic child to answer. I usually try: “I see you were curious about such-and-such – tell me about what you found.” Then explain that there is lots of stuff on the internet that is not meant for children and that next time it would be better if he comes to you first. Also that you will do your best to help him find information about the topic he is interested in. If he gets too graphic, there is no shame in admitting that it makes you uncomfortable. It’s important that a child not feel like they did something wrong or they may not come to you next time they have questions.

Though I would continue to be vigilant (especially if the friend is quite a bit older). I’d especially be cautious about the ex - as I'm sure you know, the repeat offense rate for child sex offenders is extremely high. The touching while wiping might just be a sensory issue but you can never be too careful.

Good luck! This is a tough issue - our children are so vulnerable. No wonder you got a migraine!

Melinda said...

thanks right now for us is so extremely busy and just a bit chaotic.....just even thinking about trying to unpack and settle in is enough to be overwhelming let alone everything else I am trying to work on and settle. BUT I do appreciate your comments and helpful advice and thanks for continuing to come by and offer your support. That means the world to me!