Dear Noah.....black people scare you???

You had an emotional day yesterday. At least when it came to the after school group you go to every Wednesday. I had a difficult time getting you motivated to get yourself ready to go. In fact....I probably should have taken that as a big hint to NOT have you go.

BUT you finally got ready and off we went. ALL seemed well....I went to pick you up. You were walking out the door and almost immediately started talking about wanting to go to THE ZONE, which is right next door to where you have your group....it is a place all the kids can go and play video games and pool....etc. BUT when I walked past it to get you I saw the sign said CLOSED and it looked like they might be having a special event inside. SO I told you they were closed on our walk back to the truck, before we even got to the sign to check.....but you would not let me finish what I was saying....instead breaking out in a very loud almost scream/cry about how it was OPEN and always open for you kids and on and on and on.....and you cried and cried. I stopped you IMMEDIATELY and calmly and quietly said "stop....do you know what you are doing wrong?" to which you sort of shook your head yes. I told you it was not appropriate to act like that especially in public places......and that kind of behavior would get you the opposite of what you ever wanted.....and you needed to calm down so I could finish telling you what I was trying to tell you. Meanwhile we started to walk again and I then finished telling you they were CLOSED and pointed out the sign to you. You calmed down. You stopped crying.

Until we got back to the truck.

Then we started talking about the group and what you did. I noticed you got a belated Valentine card from one of the helpers......a girl you have always really liked before. BUT when you showed me the card you started to cry big tears and said "yeah I got a card, but it's a little late!" and I told you that was okay...she was not there at your group meeting last week and I am sure she just wanted to make sure you got a card. Or maybe she forgot you last week if she was at the meeting. THEN you told me you did not like the card....and when I asked why......you opened it and said because a BLACK person was on the card! You said you hated black people......and that this one scared you because he had weird hair!

I KNOW my mouth dropped open. I KNOW I did not bring you up this way or to believe this or anything negative about black people. I KNOW you have been around black people before and you never seemed to have any problems. I KNOW you play very well with black children. SO this was not making any sense though I had heard you make a similar statement once before in the past.

You were crying and flipped open the card and I saw this:





You said his hair scared you. AND his black skin. You thought his suit and tie reminded you of what a clown would wear...same for his hair and you are scared of clowns. BUT it went further than just the black person on this Valentine Card.

You told me you only wanted to be around white people...or MOSTLY white people. I asked you if something had happened to you to make you feel this way or if anyone else had ever said anything to you to make you feel this way. You said no...but the last time we went to a place in Ohio that does have mostly black people....you were scared. AND it bothered you. AND I guess then you decided you preferred being around mostly WHITE people. I tried to explain about PREJUDICE...and how black people started out in our country as slaves...and all about SEGREGATION....etc.

You were bawling your eyes out.....and I mean really crying hard. I asked you what reaction you had when you opened the card in the group after the helper gave it to you. You said you were very sad, but that you did not say anything.

THEN you told me you hated something about your helper. She was always telling you to sit up and put your feet on the floor and not on the chair or table. I told you she was correct in doing so for at home while you could sit comfortably for you in just about any position...many places in public would require you to sit up in the chair with your feet on the floor.

HATE....I was surprised to also hear that. HATE is such a very strong word to use.

THESE are the times I wish I had a hidden camera in the truck with us....so it could have captured your EXTREME reactions to all the events of the group meeting. I mean they were OVER the top. NOT the normal reactions to have. YOU were so upset. Of course I did not have my video camera with me and if I did.....maybe you would not have reacted the same. I don't know. BUT I wish we could have recorded it so others could see just exactly what an over-the-top from the norm reaction is like.

EVERYTHING was upsetting you. We drove home. We talked about black people and white people and how God created ALL people and loved ALL people and that there were just as many SCARY WHITE people as scary black people.......on and on.....

We even read a story about a black girl slave, Phyllis Wheatley who wrote a famous poem to King George.

You seemed to feel better.....a bit. You told me you were bored during group and that the guest speaker had bored you. You wanted to do group "activities" with other kids. I can understand this and am busy trying to find something like that for you which is probably better suited for you than this other after school program is.

I asked you if you wanted the Valentine card....you said no. When I asked you why......you said you were afraid to say why. I told you to go ahead and tell me anyway......and you said it was because you did not like black people...or they scared you.

SO.....this will obviously be an ongoing issue to work on. I asked you what if someone in our family was involved with a black person. ...or married to one. I told you I had seen MANY attractive black men in my life and have known many very nice black people. I have been friends with black people. I told you my cousin also your relative has adopted black children and why. You pondered all this over.....you said being around one person like that or a couple would not bother you.....but it still did not change how you ultimately felt. You are scared of being around a lot of black people for some reason. It makes you very uneasy. I can understand a feeling of uneasiness in certain situations .....I have that happen even in certain groups of WHITE people. BUT all this still surprised me. Your gut reaction was so strong.

NOW I know there are several areas in Ohio that are pretty ROUGH places and the majority living there are black people....but I tried to explain to you that does not necessarily mean black people are bad people. I don't believe I made much progress with you.

We did not finish up as much school as I wanted to after you got home due to your emotional instability.

THEN you told me that group was sending someone around door-to-door to ask the parents how you kids from group were behaving and if they were behaving badly you would be taken away from me to some detention place to stay for a very long time. The topic you all discussed at group was child abuse and neglect and you had a guest speaker I guess.

I tried to explain to you that maybe you misunderstood her and you said no. In April during child abuse awareness they were going to come to all of your homes and if you had been bad they would take you away to juvenile detention. I will need to speak with the lady in charge of group as I know this cannot be correct. I also told you I rarely answer the door for anyone anyway unless I am expecting someone or know them. SO you had nothing to worry about. I tried to reassure you that no one would take you from your home away from me.

I totally understand you cannot always help yourself with your emotions and how you feel about things or that specific things bother you......like this kid on the Valentine card whom you said reminded you of Obama (whom you do NOT like)...but Obama with a bad wig. I almost laughed out loud when I looked again at the card because yes it did sort of look like that!

BUT I know you do not always sit in the chair correctly or things like that and you will not be removed from our home because of things you cannot control like that. THOUGH you do need to learn there are appropriate behaviors acceptable in society and you MUST learn those and do the best you can at all times. We do have laws you must obey like anyone else.

You said you were very stressed out. You said even school here at home via OHVA was stressing you out and you wished we would do home school like we did before......just with what I came up with and not what OHVA gives us to do. OR not a combination of both. When I asked you why you said because it was not so overwhelming.

sigh...........

As usual we have a lot of work ahead of us.....but we will keep moving forward! EVEN if we take baby steps.

Monday is a Learning/Science Fair for OHVA in our area and you can even enter something to display during the fair. We will probably try to attend so you can meet one of your teachers in person.

Anyway......we both slept well last night. From sheer emotional exhaustion I think.

I love you Noah......very much I do.......

Mommy
XOXOX