Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Dear Noah:

Well after an entire weekend went by without your daddy even bothering to pick up the phone to call you...after he supposedly keeps telling me and everyone else how he loves you so much and needs to be with you all the time and wanted to see you daily if possible prior to our moving to Ohio......I have realized that he will indeed follow his typical pattern yet once again.

This proved true yesterday. He called about 2 1/2 hours prior to when he would have to leave for work. Wanted to bring lunch over for you and him and play. I said fine. He asked if I wanted lunch too and I said NO. He came over and you two ate lunch...played a couple of games..but Daddy was all too antsy to get out of the house. He acted like it was a huge pain in his butt to sit and play with you for any length of time. I now know WHY he did not come over this weekend. Heaven forbid he would have to spend a few HOURS with you.

SO as usual right before he was going to go he got you to crying...about the game Trouble. You had won 1 game and he had won 1 game and you were trying to tell him you wanted 5 more minutes to play a tie breaker. Daddy never let you get those words out as he got mad and said if you were going to act like that he was going to leave. Once again finding ANY reason or excuse to not do something he did not really want to be doing to begin with.

SO he was going to leave and you were standing in the hallway crying and telling me you wanted to tell Daddy something. I screamed at him to LISTEN to you...and told him he could at least spare 10 more minutes to play a tie breaking game (and to let you win)!

So you went off to the bedroom to play. While there you had your trusty little camera recorder recording you and daddy playing Trouble. I have never seen daddy move so fast in his life! He was SO TRYING to rush the game and get it over with quickly. It was incredible and the camera does not lie there.

On his way out Daddy and I got into it. AND true to daddy he once again is now trying to put the blame on everything on my shoulders...and use that as an excuse to NOT come to Ohio to live....which is not too suprising. ONCE I informed him there was NO CHANCE IN HELL we would ever get back together he backed off. I think he MAY finally understand at least that. SO I told him if he wanted to come to Ohio FOR YOU that was one thing..but if he wanted to come to Ohio thinking a delusional thought that there would be some chance of reconciliation between us two he should reconsider the move..as that was never going to happen. AND I told him I could NOT promise I would live in Ohio forever. SO then what...was he planning on following me around forever? What if I moved to a different state where he could not get a transfer. SO...I think this has caused him to re-evaluate his situation.

Now he left crying that I was taking his son away and he would never get to be a father...blah blah blah...and I told him if he wanted to be your father he could do whatever it took to make sure he stayed involved in your life...etc. He accused me of talking bad about him to you or my family......and that he could never come to Ohio now as he would have NO ONE there......(Guess he forgot about you-the reason FOR his moving to Ohio). He could not imagine being in Ohio knowing all my family might think ill of him...etc.

Amazing how he assumed I would, could and SHOULD move and give up all to be with him here in Colorado 8 years ago.

Anyway.......he is just grasping for any excuse now to basically justify his obvious changing of his mind in regards to moving to Ohio. PERSONALLY I would prefer he NOT be in Ohio. NOT pester me or you. ONLY come for visits....and I imagine over time he will even lessen those. I imagine he will dive head first deeper into his work and eventually time will slip away and he may see very little of you.

He still tried to manipulate you and me yesterday. He still managed to upset you and have you screaming and crying. BUT you on the videotape clearly said this "thank you for stopping by"....daddy did not acknowledge you and you repeated "thank you for coming by today"...so sweetly and innocently.

I told you later nothing was your fault. Daddy was sick and sometimes said many things that were wrong and made mommy mad. BUT no matter what...we would always love you and this means even when we live in separate homes. You seemed to feel better. I erased the clip after I saved it...but it is very disturbing to listen to now. Things are so clear....the problems are huge...and you my son were sitting in the hallway capturing every second. NO ONE should have to experience this kind of crap.

SO without delving into it much further...suffice to say that I can already see your daddy pulling back. Using other people and things as excuses to justify his staying here in Colorado. Only time will tell I suppose what will truly happen. So we will see.

Meanwhile we pack....and more quickly...as I feel the need to get out of Dodge even sooner than before.

I love you my little man...more than you could ever possibly know.


1 comment:

kyra said...

oh, melinda. i am rooting for you and noah SO MUCH. that must be very painful. i get so angry at your husband's obvious lack of maturity--don't know all the reasons but to hear little sweet noah say, thankyou for stopping by nearly broke my heart. you and noah will be leaving soon and making a new home for yourselves and i know you will both be feeling more peaceful soon. i send you gobs of support.