Monday, March 30, 2009

Dear Noah.....I think you have made the turn around the corner.....finally

This weekend you fever finally broke. It had lasted for 6 days. I still think I should have been concerned. I mean how would I know if bacteria had entered into your bloodstream and traveled to your heart to cause an infection around the heart or in that valve and do damage? I am still upset about that.

Your nose still sounds like it has a lot of stuff up inside it....though nothing can really be blown out. You cough a lot....and it sounds so junky ended up last night almost vomiting...but it allowed you to bring up a massive amount of mucus. This is good....and it was clear which is also good....but you coughed throughout the night. I am sure it exhausts you.

You felt much better Sunday though so you wanted to play some games with me. We played Monopoly and Scrabble. We took it easy for the day.

Today you woke up around 8:30 I think but came out and laid down on the love seat/sofa and fell asleep again till after 11:00 a.m. I know you are worn out. I hope to finally get you in the tub today and wash you up good and your pajamas and bedding.

We played Rummikub today and Scrabble again. That was about all you could muster energy for though...and it made you cough more the longer you were up. I have given you a water bottle filled with water to have at all anytime you get the urge to cough you will take a sip of water. This helps....and it helps break up that mucus.

I got a tip in a comment about putting Vicks also on your feet....I will try that tonight and see if it helps control your cough better. I had heard this once before, but had forgotten about trying it!

Anyway.......I think you are on the mend finally.....but you won't be able to do too much for this has zapped your energy level.

I love you...I am still hoping and praying you continue to get better very fast!


Saturday, March 28, 2009

Dear are still sick......

Friday I called the cardiologist to try to get HER opinion about whether or not I should ever worry when you get sick like this...that the infection could go to your heart. Now I know from online research that this is always a possibility...but I wanted her professional opinion about this and whether or not I should worry....and if so..or even if I would ever really know what types of infections I should worry about possibly traveling to your heart and causing endocarditis. I figured if she knew you had a fever for 5 days and was sick...she might think a bacterial infection and prescribe you an antibiotic.

NO such luck. Some nurse calls me back instead.....5-6 hours later.....and gives me HER opinion on everything based by your chart information....telling me you are not even required to have antibiotics before dental procedures...etc. I already knew this and still know this....I am asking about and worried about infections you long do we let it go before antibiotic treatment because of your heart valve issue.....NO commitment to a definite answer on anything. She sort of rudely referred me back to the family doctor and told me there would be NO physicians who would prescribe antibiotics for anyone with just a viral infection. Now I know this is not true as you Noah have been given antibiotics before with a viral infection.

Regardless I called the family doctor a nurse again...who said she would talk to the doctor and call me back. Now we were just there Thursday and this is Friday morning.....he said NO he will not give antibiotic either unless he SAW YOU we will drive 30-35 miles away again to see him and probably be sent home again with ZERO meds and no reassurances? NO...I told her at this point if you still were sick by Saturday morning I would take you to the local ER and let them prescribe an antibiotic as they have they have told me while it may not help you if you have only a also will NOT hurt you to have the antibiotic.

I am fed up with doctors and medical bureaucracy right now. I am tired of no one committing to anything...pushing us off to someone else over and over again.....getting ZERO answers unless we find them ourselves anyway online....and usually little to ZERO treatment. I am tired of some doctors (like our family doctor) who seem to take offense when you have done your own homework and know more about a subject or illness or condition than they do....and are still old school and believe we should accept anything they say with no questions asked. Sorry...I will never do that again. Has anyone been keeping up with the incompetency of the medical world recently??? A doctor only forms his or her OPINION of what they might believe is wrong with you in an office visit....based on your symptoms. Occasionally an actual TEST might be done to confirm something. BUT the usual office visit diagnoses are made solely on OPINIONs.....opinions are a dime a dozen and we live with our kids and know their bodies and how they function, respond, work, react to treatment and to no treatment. For all sorts of illnesses or conditions. It is time we find a doctor who will actually LISTEN to us and respect us like we should know what we are talking about because we DO LIVE it every day.

Yes....I have an attitude problem right now.

If I ever find out that by letting you go 5 PLUS days with a high fever and infection of some sort...whether it be viral or bacterial....has done any more damage to your heart.....I will be suing some of your doctors big time. There is no excuse for that. In fact...I will be sending a letter Monday to your family doctor and the cardiologist...expressing my displeasure as to how they handled the phone conversations with me.....asking a nurse to call me back instead of they themselves addressing my concerns first off....and then the manner itself with how my concerns were just tossed aside like I had no reason to be concerned.

I am going to be requesting our medical records from the family doctor's office as I will find a new doctor right here in town for us. I am done with this crap.

Meanwhile you went to bed again last night with a rising temperature. I hope and pray today you feel a lot better. You sure do sound like you have a lot of mucus in your chest now, but you don't like to cough or try to bring it up.

I don't understand why ..if I KNOW for a fact you need amoxicillin to get over this.....the doctors you normally see will not prescribe it to you so we can AVOID you getting worse like you are now...which last time led to your getting pneumonia and being treated then with what??????? AMOXICILLIN. Yeah...this is stupid.

The ER docs will prescribe it......unless there is some mass stockpiling suddenly for amoxicillin and they are all hoarding it....there is no explanation as to why the other docs will not just go ahead and give it to you so you will get better and not worse and get over it. Instead we drag this out until you get super sick....which we could avoid if you could just get treatment earlier.

AND it is not like you do not ever complete your course of antibiotics which then makes it less effective on this particular virus or bacteria you might have. YOU ALWAYS complete your course of antibiotics.

I am so mad even today I get ticked off typing this.

I will see how you are this morning when you wake up...if no better...we are going to go to the ER.

Love you so much Noah.


Friday, March 27, 2009


As I was sitting here working all of a sudden my right arm brushed up against something...and I turned and it was you standing there with all your pajamas and only in your underwear and socks...telling me you "soiled" (or so you thought)....your shirt and pajama bottoms. (You can talk so grown up sometimes-even I would probably not say SOILED but good for you and an adult-like vocabulary)

Anyway....I never did find anything wet anywhere and your underwear were dry so I think it was sweat from a fever if anything....your face was beet red....your temperature was way up to 103.......and I thought to myself, "here we go again."

You sound like you have a lot of crap in your chest now....and this is WHY I took you to the doctor he could prescribe an antibiotic so we could avoid this. I will probably now have to take you to the ER if this keeps up......and in fact I was going to.....but after giving you Motrin.....putting you back in fell back to sleep.

BUT.....any time you get this in the past you never get better without amoxicillin. Never. I guess I can always call the doctor and ask him to call some in. If he won't....I will take you to the ER. I know you well enough to know what you need to get better and you need that to get better. I don't want you to end up with pneumonia again or have an infection settle around your heart since you do have mild aortic valve stenosis and insufficiency....I think sometimes the doctor forgets about that.

So I will keep working for now and we will see how you feel once you get back up....and go from there.

I wish I had a magic button to flip on to make you feel better like NOW!

Dear have group A influenza..........

* Influenza Type A is the most common and also the scariest of the three influenzas, causing the most serious epidemics in history.

* Influenza Type B flu outbreaks also can cause epidemics, but the disease it produces generally is milder than that caused by type A.

* Influenza Type C flu viruses, on the other hand, have never been connected with a large epidemic, usually just causing mild respiratory infections similar to the common cold.

I took you to the doctor yesterday as you were still feeling awful. He diagnosed you with what I thought you had....the A. He said he had only had about 10 cases of that this entire flu season and he thought he was not going to see any more cases, but then you stopped into his office. Unfortunately, he did not give you anything for treatment...telling me to continue treating your symptoms as I had been doing. I was just wishing to avoid you getting pneumonia or anything worse by letting this settle in your chest or something like that. I was surprised he did not give you an antiviral of some sort. He did tell me to keep you away from anyone we you are highly contagious.

So back home we came.....really no better off than I had already diagnosed you correctly and was treating you appropriately.....and we got nothing more to help you feel better. BUT better safe than sorry. However...if you get worse....which I am afraid you might....I will take you down to the hospital and not back to the doctor.....and then we may just find another doctor as I am not all that keen on driving so far away just to get to the doctor.....and I am not always thrilled with the fact that he sends you home with no treatment because of an improper diagnosis only to have you get worse to the point you have to go to the ER anyway to be treated and get medicines.

Since you won't let me spray nasal saline up your nose to help your nasal symptoms.....your poor little nose looks pretty red on the end now. You are coughing some and your fever comes on every night like clockwork. Your voice sounds funny but thankfully your throat is not that sore this time round. You definitely have the upper respiratory symptoms though. You blow nothing out of your nose ...and are congested at least on one side more than not. I feel bad for you.

We have been spraying Lysol have been sucking on a lot of popsicles and not eating too much. Yesterday on the way home from the doctor you wanted Burger King but then cried when you said the fries were old and cold. SO I drove back to get fresh ones...and we got home.....and they were again not that fresh. I told you maybe it was your taste buds off since you were feeling badly. You told me "Mom, I did not enjoy this Burger King lunch very much at all," with big tears rolling down your cheeks.

I am hoping and praying you feel much better today, but the doctor said this usually takes about 7 days to clear. Today will be day #4.

I love you Noah.


Thursday, March 26, 2009

totally INAPPROPRIATE Family Guy episode......

I don't watch this cartoon and Noah does not.....though when flipping channels or waiting for another show to come on the same channel it has been on and we left it running in the background. Noah will usually flip it off as he does not like it as he says they say too many bad words (which the show does use too many bad words).

Well..they have totally crossed the line now....airing a sick episode.

On March 8, Fox network aired Family Guy, a perverted and sickening program, into the homes of millions of Americans. This episode was rated TV-14 DLSV by FOX, meaning that in the network's opinion it was appropriate for 14-year olds. It aired during prime-time.

In this perverted episode:

* Peter, the husband/father figure, turns gay after taking an experimental shot of the gay gene. He was paid $125 to take part of this experiment to prove that being gay is not a choice.
* Peter and his new lover make out in a restaurant.
* The lover tells Peter he has arranged an 11-way gay orgy.
* Peter helps his son with his math homework and turns the problem into an explicit conversation about “glory holes” and “circuit parties,” which are references to gay sex.
* Peter leaves his son Chris in charge of the family while he spends time with his gay partner. Upon his new role, Chris immediately passes gas in his sister’s face and knocks out his mother, Lois.
* Peter lies in bed with his rear exposed and moans in pleasure when a horse, which he assumes is his wife, licks his rear.
* Lois, wearing skimpy lingerie, is turned down by her now gay husband.
* Their child, Baby Stewie, eats cereal covered with horse sperm that resembled milk kept in the refrigerator

In one scene, husband Peter lies in bed, his naked rear exposed. A horse enters and licks Peter's rear, as Peter moans in pleasure. "Mmm, what made you come around, Lois? I love you so much. I love you so much, Lois," Peter groans. The FCC has the DUTY to enforce the law and fine Fox for this gross violation of broadcast decency standards.

Among other atrocities in the episode, Peter warns his family that "some of the milk in the fridge is not milk, it's horse sperm," whereupon Baby Stewie eats cereal covered with the "milk"; Peter's gay lover greets him with news that he has arranged a gay "eleven-way" orgy; and Peter helps his son Chris with math homework:

"One trick I used to use is turning things into a word problem. For example, if there are three glory holes in the bathroom at the club and 28 guys at the circuit party. How many rotations of guys will it take before everybody's had a turn? Nine, with a remainder of Brent�Brent can't fit in the glory hole, and that's why we all like Brent."

If you still are not convinced this was inappropriate you can click here to watch the sick crap: (AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE IS A LINK TO FILE THE FCC COMPLAINT)


and then go here to file a complaint with the FCC: (IF BUSY USE ABOVE LINK AT BOTTOM OF THAT PAGE)


As far as I am concerned...this show or episode has nothing to do with being FAMILY ORIENTED whatsoever or appropriate for our children to be watching. I don't care if they are 14 years old.

We have to quit being so apathetic and not giving a crap about anything in the world around us thinking someone else will take care of it. This goes beyond sitting back and just saying "well if you don't like it you don't have to watch it." I mean this is crap that they would not even be allowed to show in a movie with the same the same age audience. This should not be on the air to begin with.

AND top that off.....some guy subscribed to Noah's videos on You Tube....and at first I did not think too much about his comments.....but I always check out who subscribes to Noah's videos on You Tube...and one clip he filmed himself sunning his toes and soles of his feet.....which I think okay......he has a foot fetish too.....and was even going to let that slide.....but THAT video linked to apparently his alter ego.....another account with a different name but the SAME VIDEO of himself sunning his feet..........but this time there was also a video of himself jacking off while you could watch his feet during the process and what his feet did during him COMING..yeah you read that right.....MASTURBATING (you could not see this part of his body) but still. It shows him with only his underwear on...bottom half of his body......he moves the camera and it shows his feet.....and bottom of legs. It shows him removing his underwear.....and talking about his feet and how much he loves for someone to suck on his toes and crap......and then it shows him AND YOU CAN HEAR HIM....doing it....and his legs bouncing up and down on the bed and then him VOCALLY and everything else coming......and you see his feet contorting around in the process.

You see some sick people like that use ONE account to appear to be harmless ....and to attract children even.......and then they PLOP a FAVORITE video in the middle of others on their account......and then you go to that one in question as I did here....and it is the SAME person but using a different it is THEIR own video they are flagging as a Fav on their other account....and it promotes sick twisted crap. EVEN if he was not the same man...and it was only a favorite video of his that leads my a video from that same person that IS inappropriate....that is not acceptable and they should have checked out who they subscribed to better if they cared about what others might see connected to their account.

I blocked him from Noah.....and the alter ego account.....and filed a complaint.

There are some sick people in the world and we cannot continue to be lax and apathetic.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Dear have not felt ideal the last couple of days......

last night you felt pretty crappy....had been coughing off and on all day.....sneezing a few times.......and had a fever over 101 degrees. I gave you some Zyrtec and just got up a little bit ago to go to the bathroom and you felt cooler. I will recheck your Temp once you get up as I had you go back to bed.....way too early for you to get up at 4:45 a.m.

Hoping and praying you feel a lot better later on!

Love you Noah!


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Dear Noah.......Dentist appointment at Children's Hospital....

Well you were due for your dental visit on Monday (checkup and cleaning) at the Children's Medical Center. We stopped and picked you up some BK hash browns for your breakfast. On the way out way out of town we saw the sun coming up and it was a GIANT RED RUBBER BALL in the sky. I tried to snap a few pics but it rose fast and I could not get a clear shot.

Children's does such a great job with you and working with you to get you through the dentist visit, cleaning and exam. You do better each time. What has really helped is the fact that the dentist tries to have the same woman clean your teeth she knows all the special quirks needed to get you through it. The dentist always allows me back in the room with you are more relaxed. You did pretty well this time...even better than the last time. I told them to skip the x-rays as they was no reason for you to have them. I always avoid things when not necessary. I also always have them NOT do the fluoride treatment and sealants (I should post articles about that on here....the fluoride is a very dangerous thing to be putting in our bodies). ANYWAY...basically it was for a checkup and cleaning as I knew your teeth were okay...other than some loose ones and needing them cleaned.

The dentist looked at the blackish/brown stain stuff that usually develops on your front teeth uppers and lowers about 4 months after they have been cleaned. I told him I had done some research on it and other than esthetically looking "bad" was actually a "good" thing and kids with that usually never get cavities. He just turned to me and smiled really big and said I was CORRECT! He said some people will look at your kid's mouth and think they never brush or they have decayed teeth and it has nothing to do with that at all. In is the opposite. Your mouth just produces more of this helpful bacteria than some other mouths do. So I told him it does not bother me so much, and although I know it looks bad, if it also helps protect your teeth and is not there too long, I am not too worried about it. You usually only have them looking a bit rough about 1-2 months before they get cleaned again anyway.

SO we may take you for 1 extra cleaning per year...which would be out of pocket. We will see. We are going to continue brushing twice per day...once in the morning and again at night.

The dentist said you have 3-4 loose baby teeth that are about ready to come out. Your teeth were fine...NO cavities....and all coming in fine for the placement of your jaw.

After the dentist you went outside at the hospital to play for awhile. The air was a bit breezy. We donated grandma C's baby afghans and baby hats to the hospital. You had to stop and check the toilets..and the one family bathroom at the hospital of course had KID-sized toilets and sinks. We filmed that and took some photos.

Off to run a million errands after that. AND I MEAN A MILLION...Esther Price, the library, Walmart, Krogers, Staples to pick up your wireless connector, OT therapy, Dollar Tree, bank, cable company to get a different cable box which still did not totally fix the problem so now they have to come out anyway and my prior box was probably fine, signed you up for an Easter Egg hunt...(and other places/things I am probably forgetting).....and then back to do cookies and party mix here at home for the week for you for snacks. I got your school computer hooked up in the new classroom area and today you used it for the first time to talk to your teacher and work with her online for awhile. SO YEAH! That was a process. I had put that off way too long! I will take pics and post once I am completely done with the room, but it is really coming along.

I have to sign off and get a fast shower. You have speech therapy in about an hour.

Then back home to finish school! LOVE YOU NOAH!


Sunday, March 22, 2009

Dear Noah........Sunday afternoon......

(you dressed up like a doctor for a Halloween party in preschool)

and we have the windows open and I am still organizing the new office/schoolroom area. It is really going to be nice when we get it all done.

I found a box while going through with a folder of paperwork from your old kindergarten schools out in Colorado. some of that sure brought back anxious feelings......but.....also thankfulness that you have made such tremendous progress.

I am truly thankful you can do school from home now.

Next month at the end of the month will be 3 days of state mandated testing. I hope that goes well. Reading, math and writing on 3 different days.....all about 2-1/2 hours long. We have to drive over 45 miles to even get to the test site. I hope you will be able to focus and do well as it will be in a hotel and I am sure you will be wanting to check out the bathrooms and lobby..etc. I will have to take you before the test dates so you can explore and get that out of your system.

Hopefully later today we will finally make it back over to see grandma C. It sure is a nice day. Today I am busy putting more things away in your new classroom area in my office. It is coming along nicely but there are still many boxes of things to put away. Hard to believe all that was ever stored in this room!

Anyway....tomorrow is dentist day. I will be glad to get that over. We have to go to the Children's Hospital for that visit. Then we have many errands to we will be busy most of the day. I need to get as much done today as I can!

I need to cut this entry short. I love you Noah!


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Dear Noah.....your last group meeting for this quarter.....

was last night. Since it was the END of the group they usually do special things...change the normal I was already apprehensive about what was going to be planned and if you would handle it well.

We walked in and the room was all dark...lights out. The Zone leader was also there and I asked her what was planned with the Zone after group...and she said the Zone and the Group were flip-flopping locations and that the Zone kids were going to be watching a movie....and the group would be held over in the Zone building. But it was more confusing the way she said it because I misunderstood her to mean all the kids were going to be COMBINED into ONE BIG group and you were all going to be watching a movie together and then the ZONE would be closed after the movie...but you would all probably go outside.

I became a bit alarmed. "OUTSIDE?" I asked. Like WHERE? I mean this is downtown area..all parking lots and grassy areas. She said you would all take chalk outside and that there were buildings on 2 sides of the lot...and only one way in or out. BUT the one way in and out was also an alley where cars sometimes drive too quickly on to get to the other side! I asked her if they would make sure to WATCH you so you did not take off ....and 2 of the women said "oh it would be impossible for him to run off." to which I just told them nothing was impossible with you and you had taken off before in situations like this. NO ONE however actually committed to making sure to keep an eye on you 100%.....

SO I turned to you and asked you if you even wanted to stay as the group meeting was going to be different and there would be no regular ZONE time after the movie. You were thinking you would get to go outside so you wanted to stay.

I did not want to leave you. I had a bad nagging feeling about the whole thing. I just had a funny feeling you would not handle the changes very well. I drove home...really having to force myself to not turn around and go back and get you or check out the parking lots you would be playing in later. BUT I drove home.

My original plan was to sleep while you were gone since I get up at 3:45 every morning to start work by 4:00...and am sometimes tired later in the day. BUT there was NO WAY I knew I would be able to sleep as I was too anxious about you. I knew I would get a phone call....with either the message you were crying and upset and needed picked up or you had an accident of some kind. SO I paced around here at home and I said a lot of prayers! Your dad called while you were gone. I hung up pretty quick with him.

Then sure enough.....I saw that it was going to rain outside and I knew there would be NO WAY you kids were going to go outside to do anything. This made me feel better, but not completely relieved. I was afraid now that once you found out you would not get to go outside, you would take off......get upset......go away.....any number of things.

SURE enough..I get a phone call about 5:25 p.m......telling me you were crying....very upset. You did not want to see the movie with the Zone kids...and when you found out you would not be going did take off. The group leader thought you had gone outside....she had no clue where you were. You told me you had gone next door to the usual group meeting area where the Zone kids were watching the movie. She found you....and took you back to the Zone to be with her while she called me because you had already told her you did not want to see the movie. BUT you also did not really want me coming to pick you up.....etc. You were a mess by the time I got there.

THEN when I got there I realized I had misunderstood the entire day's events.....and the Zone time would actually be watching the rest of a movie (already an hour into the movie) with the other Zone who would want to do that anyway, missing half the movie or more? PLUS it was a movie I doubt I would have you watch or you would want to there are a few scary parts (Pirates of the Caribbean). I was a bit upset they had not let us all know about all this up front and again I do not feel 100% CONFIDENT that any time in the future they will really watch you and keep track of you....or even know how to comfort you. The leader still tries to comfort you in ways you would any other child...and that just does not work with you.


This summer your group sometimes walks to the library. I DO NOT feel confident about you walking anywhere with the group. I wish I did but I don't and I am going to have to trust my instincts and probably have you pass on those days they walk to the library. I will no doubt let you do the Zone instead as long as I can make sure you will be where you are supposed to be.

SO I had a very stress-filled afternoon early evening. I am thankful it passed quickly. AND we still had school to do when you got home. I wish I knew of one other person out there who GOT YOU and could do for you what I do so I could feel confident in leaving you with them so you could experience playing in other settings with other kids....etc. BUT right now I really don't. Your grandma C gets you I believe.....but she is older and I think she would have a very difficult time keeping up with you if you ever let's say "lost it." Otherwise.....maybe your dad....but he sometimes has no patience for you and he is in Colorado anyway.

So it is me and you Noah.......

I love you!


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Dear have been busy.......

Let's see.....last Wednesday after group was the day you all went to the YMCA to play kickball and dodge ball which you really enjoyed. Before I left you were already chit chatting with some other kids about the pool you could all view from the lobby. When I picked you up your face was beet red (but so was everyone else's) had a great time. You forgot your coat though and started to cry when you realized it. I could tell the leader of the group was not thrilled about having to walk all the way back to get your coat with you. I would have immediately told you "it's okay...we will go back and get it" so you would KNOW everything would be fine and you would be able to go get your jacket. Instead...she chose to remind you of what she had told you and the other kids before you left the NOT forget anything. Her reminding you of this only set you off further and made you think you were not going to be allowed to go back and get your coat. FINALLY she said to you that you both would walk back and get your coat.

You could barely walk by the time we left for the parking lot (your new orthotics finally came 2 days ago and you are doing much better now) and had to limp to the car complaining of your feet and upper legs really bothering you. It got so bad you could not even walk at home. I had to carry stuff to you. We will see how this cheaper version of orthotics does for you.....bought online. I know you probably need another pair of custom a different company I think as the first one I was not thrilled with the end results. BUT we will see how this version I just got you does. So far you say it makes your feet feel pretty good and they do not bother your feet. AND you do walk much better and your stance appears corrected better than with the custom made orthotics. Time will tell. It amazes me how bad you can get going without the orthotics though....especially if you try to run or walk a lot.

Sunday we ran over and picked up Grandma C and took her with us to Long John Silver's for supper. Then we headed over to Wal*Mart as she wanted to pick up some new kitchen rugs. We had a very nice time and visit.

We ran errands yesterday and once trip was to the post office. We happened to see your former school helper there. I was wondering if she would even speak to you. No choice was given to her as you ran up to her and hugged her and told her you missed her and asked her if she ever got your letter you sent last year at the end of your time there. She may have been fibbing but she said she never got your letter or picture you sent to her. AND you may not have. The prior school staff has been less than friendly since I withdrew you and probably once they saw who it was from...they either tossed it or the principal justified opening it and reading it and then decided to keep it....who knows. I explained to her that you had sent her a letter telling her you loved her and thanking her for all she had done for you at that school. I also thanked her for all she had done. Anyway....

Today is the last meeting for group for this quarter but the Zone will still be open and running in between. In fact you will do the zone again today after group if all goes as planned.

I am finally finishing the room here in my office area....I have set up your school computer and work station in my office...and I put up the 5 shelf units I bought. Now I get to start putting away all the school supplies and my arts/crafts stuff and office stuff onto all the shelves. The house is a bit messy as once again there are boxes of stuff lining up the hallway.....but it will get done. AND sooner than later as now as I can actually SEE the room....I am motivated to finish it quick! I have held off on unpacking a lot of things thinking we would find a house to buy. Now regardless of whether or not we do.....we need to make this house more usable and functional for our needs now.

We made Easter gingerbread cookies last night.

I love you....wish I could go back to bed this morning......


Friday, March 13, 2009

Dear had a nightmare....

here you came at 4:45 a.m. this morning....crying....telling me you had a bad nightmare. I asked you to tell me about refused for about 15 minutes. Finally when I did not look at you started to talk about it. You got through it all once.....and I tried to get you to realize it was only a dream.....even though it was very scary ....and then we laughed a I asked you to tell me about it again so I could record it as I was afraid I would never remember all of it to write it down here.

So here you are......retelling me your dream:

Monday, March 09, 2009

Dear Noah........Sunday was a stressful day for you......

We went to a birthday party for your cousin and aunt....a combined party as their birthdays are very close together....and we took along grandma C to grandma and grandpa L's the rest of the family was also going to be there.

BUT....things were a bit too stressful for you and you were overloaded quite a few times.

This makes big get togethers almost not worth the end result anymore...especially if some family members purposefully try to set you off and then laugh about it thinking it is somehow "funny" or continue to grill you and me both afterward with a million questions ... "WHY does this bother you so much Noah ?"... when you don't know why some things truly bother you. The fact that it DOES should be enough and everyone should respect that and the purposeful crap should stop rather than continue with you lying in a fetal position on the sofa with your hands over your ears or you standing with your hands over your ears or having to run into another room almost screaming and crying to get someone to stop something that is bothering you..probably hurting your ears more than anything. Rather than RESPECT that and treat you like a human continues with more laughing intermittently throughout the day. The only reason I did not just up and leave was because we also took grandma C with us and I did not want to do that with her there or stick her in the middle. BUT even she is not blind to what goes on.

For some reason people don't understand that some sounds or sights or smells or circumstances are just too much for you....they can physiologically be "painful" to you. Others think you are a spoiled brat and need to be spanked or told "no" and that will somehow magically FIX you and you will never act out again. Most would just prefer being in a more controlled "quiet" environment where you perhaps do not shriek suddenly because something upset you or because you cry again suddenly when something else has changed yet again in the setting to bother you and their fun day can be more relaxing and enjoyable.

They don't seem to understand that if there are going to be sudden changes in the circumstances during a family get together you need to be prepared for those. Just getting together with a lot of people for a birthday party can be overwhelming enough....ANY sudden changes and MULTIPLE sudden changes to that plan and that is like you being a puppet dangling from strings all attached to your emotional psyche puts you through hell. You are HAPPY AND FINE one minute.....upset and crying the next.......happy again.......upset again minutes later......too many changes in your environment and circumstances and plans for the day.....a day I had already worked with you a week on to get you prepared for.......sends you into overload.

I ended up taking you to the park awhile yesterday to swing for awhile as that calms you down. We talked about the day and how you need to learn to handle sudden changes in your world better than you still do....though you have made tremendous progress from how you used to be.

But I have to be honest here. I know my some of my family reads this blog but I don't really care anymore if you get YOUR feelings hurt for a change or YOU become upset. Noah is not like Audrey. Noah will never be like Audrey. Noah is not the average standard little boy that you have all known in your life or expect him to be like....he is different. He requires special care and handling just to cope with living in our world. Everyone needs to respect that and do what you can to make things run more smoothly for all concerned at a get together rather than try to sabotage the day or send Noah into overload.

If the situations were turned around...and you knew your child had any special needs of any kind and someone came in and basically abused that information to the point of sending your child into overload and then laughed about it...I know you would be pissed off and not think it funny.

Noah was almost ready to vomit on the way home......he talked about how he felt some family members were "against him" or "on the other side" (as he perceives it in his mind)he said "almost like they are committing a crime" and I just about cried in the car when he said that.

We are talking about a 10-year-old boy with autism......sensory integration disorder....generalized anxiety disorder....and he does not need to be made to feel like that. We have enough issues in our everyday world and life than to have to deal with more crap like that especially from family?

Give me a break. One reason I moved back to Ohio was to be closer to family. For the "support" and social outings for Noah.....for some "understanding." I don't call what happened the last few times I have been around the entire family with Noah support or understanding. AND while Noah has issues...he is not stupid or blind. He is totally aware of how he is treated or not treated in comparison with others in the same room. He may not be able to express how those situations make him feel in the same terms as we would describe them...but they affect him regardless.

And for anyone out there in my blogger reading world who would like to read more about "autism" and really educate themselves on autism and Asperger's syndrome and the characteristics....coping mechanisms.....etc....this next link is a very worthwhile read if you actually take the time to read it. It is a guide actually drawn up to help with teachers dealing with autistic/Asperger's children in their provides huge education about the autistic/Asperger's child (for lack of better wording)..and is helpful for just the everyday average person who might happen to know someone with autism.....which would hopefully help you to interact and co-exist in the same room with them.


AND try not to be afraid to actually talk to someone with autism.....or a child with autism. Noah would love for someone to even FAKE interest in something he likes or is interested ask him questions about act like they want to do something with him or be with him.

Now I'm logging off so I can deal with this continuing migraine that I was blessed with yesterday that is still hanging on today. I am also in the same pool as with most autistic moms and dads......who will also continue to pray that we remain healthy and strong and live "forever" we will always be here for our kids...cause otherwise.....who do we know out there that would really take care of our kids? Would anyone even want to (minus the biological parents)? AND some of those don't really want the "burden."'s just easier for us to continue on as usual.....teaching our kids how to do it all themselves so hopefully one day they CAN totally make it on their own and be successful in anything they choose to they won't have to depend on anyone else for anything.

An ideal world.....or circumstance......a dream? I don't even care anymore.....I just need to do the best I can for you you have the same chance as anyone else to make it in the world. I don't consider you a bother or a burden. You are a blessing.

I love you lots my little man!


Thursday, March 05, 2009

Dear did very well at the group meeting last night and the ZONE afterwards!

I am thankful. When I went to pick you up after group in the Zone I peeked through the front windows and saw you playing pool with a girl about the same age as you! You were having so much fun. Instead of letting you stay just 30 minutes....I let you stay the entire time. I also visited with the girl and boy who played pool with you....and I also played with you for awhile. It was a lot of fun and the kids seemed very nice and polite. The ZONE has so many things to do. You can play pool, video games, watch movies, do crafts, ping much.

I will be letting you do this again for sure now that we have given it a try and feel comfortable with it!

Here is a snippet of you doing what you do best.....filming a toilet.....

I love you!


Live Avian flu virus mixed with vaccines sent to 18 countries........and how 2-3 CT scans bombard your body with radiation level same as atomic blast

rather than post the entire article can go to my other blog to read it or to the source itself...scary stuff happening in our world today. Do not just go along with blinders on and take anything handed to you..even from a doctor who tries to tell you something is perfectly "safe".....



A new report released by the National Council on Radiation Protection and Measurement reveals that Americans' exposure to radiation has increased more than 600 percent over the last three decades. Most of that increase has come from patients' exposure to radiation through medical imaging procedures such as CT scans and mammograms.

Alarmingly, radiation levels caused by CT scans are so high that receiving just two or three CT scans bombards your body with as much radiation as surviving an atomic bomb blast (no kidding).

Read this shocking story to learn the truth about the incredible harm being caused by CT scans, mammograms and cancer radiation "therapy" (if you can call it that):

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Kyle Lograsso, inspirational story of a little boy and his love for playing golf.......

Dear Noah....trying to decide about the after school group program....

and whether it is right for you. The best fit. I don't think so. You seem to get more upset by it than are happy about it. You continue to go every week holding out faith that maybe this will be the week you will be allowed to do something "fun" as you say...rather than just mostly sitting at the table and listening to a discussion about things.....(feelings, problems, child abuse, anger management...etc.). ALL those things are important...but you are craving actual SOCIAL time meaning hands-on fun with other kids. You said so far this quarter you have only gotten to do that one time in group...the time you all worked together to make some sort of food in the meeting.

I said maybe you should not go there any more but we should try to find you another place to go instead. You cried because you said you would then be leaving all your friends. This was news to me. I asked you if you had friends there? and you said yes.....and that there was one girl who had been there before but was gone for a long time...but came back last week. You especially like her and also told me she is a lot younger than you. You seem to think she is around 4 or 5 years old....which I doubt as I think most of the kids in your group are all around your age.......8, 9, 10.

I talked about just having you go to THE ZONE next door instead of the meetings....but again you wanted to be with your friends in the meeting.

I asked you what you did not think was "fun" during the meeting time and you said that the staff was more rude and mean than the school you were in last. I asked you in what way and you said any time you tried to talk about something "off topic" they immediately told you to be quiet they did not want to hear about it now...but would later.....and then you said but later never happens as they did not want to hear about it later either.

That broke my you crave someone to LISTEN to your interests and things you would like to share. AND at this so-called social group meeting every are never given the chance to do this.

NOT sure what I can do about this.....but I will try. I could email the leader and ask if she could give you at least a few minutes at the end of the meeting to talk about something that interests you. I really just want to yank you from the program and find something else....but want you to continue at the same time. I am hopeful you and the little girl can go next door together AFTER your meeting on Wednesdays.....and you two can play video games or something together. That would be a good thing. I will email the leader and ask her if she can make sure to go over with you today after group.

Your OHVA learning/science fair was fun to attend on Monday afternoon. You got to meet up with some other kids who do homeschooling via OHVA. You also got to meet one of your teachers which is great!

Meanwhile you had a very moody attitude day yesterday and did not want to do much of anything as far as school did not want to go to speech therapy. YOU did not want to do anything, but stay in your room with the computer. This time I pretty much told you we were doing speech therapy regardless.....and to deal with it....that unless you were really sick.....even school was something you would have to do. You keep saying you are bored.....and yet a lot of the work in school you act like you are having problems with. It was super difficult yesterday to get you to sit still and focus on anything. I told you that you had mentioned to me you would like to be an "inspector" of elevators or escalators or toilets/plumbing....etc one day......along with a few other things. SO I told you in order to one day get a good job and be out on your own you needed to have an education. You would need to be good in math and science and other subjects.

You did slightly better after that. NOT great...but lately everything seems to overwhelm you. I mean you cry at the drop of a hat.....big crocodile tears.


I love you Noah.....we will figure out something.

XOXOXO were making one of your hundreds of action figure movies in the other room when I was in the kitchen and I heard you shout out "I am going to rape you! I am going to rape you!" and I went in the room and asked you what you said. You repeated it.....but more slowly as you finally realized you must be saying something inappropriate. I asked you if you knew what that meant and you of course said NO. I asked you where you heard it and guess where??? On YOU TUBE on a SONIC cartoon some sick adult put sound bites over.....

I told you this was why I monitor what you watch on You Tube and to always ASK what something meant before you just assumed it was meant something else. I then had to explain to you....not the average 10-year-old boy..what RAPE meant and why it was totally inappropriate to ever say you were going to rape anyone to anyone.....and to never do it and what happens to people who do!

YOU TUBE unfortunately has many young adults and adults alike who take common kid's shows and cartoons and transform them into perversion. Then our kids have no clue (AND neither do we until we catch it)...that something they might click on will be anything but the cartoon or show they click on. Noah is so naive about all this stuff.....and has no clue what all these words or terms mean.

Technology can be good......but as usual..there is always someone out there who will trash it with perversion.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Vaccine form you can present to your physician if you do not wish for your child to receive vaccines......Check the ingredient list!

NOT that any would ever sign such a thing....but this is a very important educational tool for all involved. Watch any physician's reaction. Because as Dr. Mercola has said, "Because the truth is, your pediatrician is not taking responsibility for any adverse reactions or damage that happens to your child, and neither are the pharmaceutical companies that manufacture the vaccines that injure countless children each year. Vaccine companies have long ago used political manipulation through their strong lobbying efforts to created legislation that essentially immunizes them against any law suit damages or awards.

The Homeland Security bill also contains a provision that protects manufacturers of vaccines that contain thimerosal from liability in vaccine-related lawsuits. Pro-vaccine-safety educators have long been saying that vaccines can over-stimulate your child’s immune system, sometimes causing the very disease it’s designed to protect against, or worse. And, when several vaccines are administered together, or in close succession, their interaction may completely overwhelm your child’s developing immune system."

If you read the form below, you will see a long list of potentially toxic chemicals – fillers and adjuvants -- that are included in various vaccines given to newborns and children.

If your child is vaccinated according to the CDC's recommended schedule, by the time your child starts kindergarten he or she will have received 48 doses of 14 vaccines. Of these, 36 doses will be given during the first 18 months of life.

Public health officials have NEVER proven that it is indeed safe to inject this number and volume of vaccines into infants. What's more, they cannot explain why, concurrent with an increasing number of vaccinations, there has been an explosion of neurological and immune system disorders in American children.

Something to think about....we all have to be proactive in our own health and the health of our children. I am not necessarily against vaccinations...but I believe vaccines have a long way to go before they are really "safe" to give to animals let alone adults or children.

We can no longer continue to have the mentality that health officials always know best and whatever they say goes. They do not always know best...some do not want to keep current on new medical methods or even really give a crap anymore about some issues. They too get caught up in their own business and requirements thereof. EVEN the FDA is not keeping us safe. BIG PHARMA is not.

For years we have all just thrust the arms of our kids out blindly to the physician or nurse to inject with a shot.....vaccination.....tests....when it may not really have been that safe to just ASSUME it was safe to do so. We did not even bother to question or ask. I know my grandmother is of the generation that would NEVER question anything her physician tells her to do. She does it usually regardless. It is our health and future lives hanging in the threshold now as well as our kids. We cannot afford to be so gullible or blind any longer. We have to do our own research and make our own decisions and not be afraid to stand up for our choices.

Physician's Warranty of Vaccine Safety

I (Physician's name, degree)_________________________, _____ am a physician licensed to practice medicine in the State of ________________. My State license number is _______________ , and my DEA number is _______________. My medical specialty is ________________________

I have a thorough understanding of the risks and benefits of all the medications that I prescribe for or administer to my patients. In the case of (Patient's name) ___________________________ , age _________ , whom I have examined, I find that certain risk factors exist that justify the recommended vaccinations. The following is a list of said risk factors and the vaccinations that will protect against them:

Risk Factor ____________________________________________

Vaccination ___________________________________________

Risk Factor ____________________________________________

Vaccination ___________________________________________

Risk Factor ____________________________________________

Vaccination ___________________________________________

Risk Factor ____________________________________________

Vaccination ___________________________________________

Risk Factor ____________________________________________

Vaccination ___________________________________________

Risk Factor ____________________________________________

Vaccination ___________________________________________

I am aware that vaccines typically contain many of the following fillers:

* aluminum hydroxide

* aluminum phosphate

* ammonium sulfate

* amphotericin B

* animal tissues: pig blood, horse blood, rabbit brain,

* dog kidney, monkey kidney,

* chick embryo, chicken egg, duck egg

* calf (bovine) serum

* betapropiolactone

* fetal bovine serum

* formaldehyde

* formalin

* gelatin

* glycerol

* human diploid cells (originating from human aborted fetal tissue)

* hydrolized gelatin

* mercury thimerosol (thimerosal, Merthiolate(r))

* monosodium glutamate (MSG)

* neomycin

* neomycin sulfate

* phenol red indicator

* phenoxyethanol (antifreeze)

* potassium diphosphate

* potassium monophosphate

* polymyxin B

* polysorbate 20

* polysorbate 80

* porcine (pig) pancreatic hydrolysate of casein

* residual MRC5 proteins

* sorbitol

* tri(n)butylphosphate,

* VERO cells, a continuous line of monkey kidney cells, and

* washed sheep red blood

and, hereby, warrant that these ingredients are safe for injection into the body of my patient. I have researched reports to the contrary, such as reports that mercury thimerosol causes severe neurological and immunological damage, and find that they are not credible.

I am aware that some vaccines have been found to have been contaminated with Simian Virus 40 (SV 40) and that SV 40 is causally linked by some researchers to non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and mesotheliomas in humans as well as in experimental animals. I hereby warrant that the vaccines I employ in my practice do not contain SV 40 or any other live viruses. (Alternately, I hereby warrant that said SV-40 virus or other viruses pose no substantive risk to my patient.)

I hereby warrant that the vaccines I am recommending for the care of (Patient's name) _______________ _______________________ do not contain any tissue from aborted human babies (also known as "fetuses").

In order to protect my patient's well being, I have taken the following steps to guarantee that the vaccines I will use will contain no damaging contaminants.

STEPS TAKEN: ______________________________________________________




I have personally investigated the reports made to the VAERS (Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System) and state that it is my professional opinion that the vaccines I am recommending are safe for administration to a child under the age of 5 years.

The bases for my opinion are itemized on Exhibit A , attached hereto, -- "Physician's Bases for Professional Opinion of Vaccine Safety." (Please itemize each recommended vaccine separately along with the bases for arriving at the conclusion that the vaccine is safe for administration to a child under the age of 5 years.)

The professional journal articles I have relied upon in the issuance of this Physician's Warranty of Vaccine Safety are itemized on Exhibit B , attached hereto, -- "Scientific Articles in Support of Physician's Warranty of Vaccine Safety."

The professional journal articles that I have read which contain opinions adverse to my opinion are itemized on Exhibit C , attached hereto, -- "Scientific Articles Contrary to Physician's Opinion of Vaccine Safety."

The reasons for my determining that the articles in Exhibit C were invalid are delineated in Attachment D , attached hereto, -- "Physician's Reasons for Determining the Invalidity of Adverse Scientific Opinions."

Hepatitis B

I understand that 60 percent of patients who are vaccinated for Hepatitis B will lose detectable antibodies to Hepatitis B within 12 years. I understand that in 1996 only 54 cases of Hepatitis B were reported to the CDC in the 0-1 year age group. I understand that in the VAERS, there were 1,080 total reports of adverse reactions from Hepatitis B vaccine in 1996 in the 0-1 year age group, with 47 deaths reported.

I understand that 50 percent of patients who contract Hepatitis B develop no symptoms after exposure. I understand that 30 percent will develop only flu-like symptoms and will have lifetime immunity. I understand that 20 percent will develop the symptoms of the disease, but that 95 percent will fully recover and have lifetime immunity.

I understand that 5 percent of the patients who are exposed to Hepatitis B will become chronic carriers of the disease. I understand that 75 percent of the chronic carriers will live with an asymptomatic infection and that only 25 percent of the chronic carriers will develop chronic liver disease or liver cancer, 10-30 years after the acute infection.

The following scientific studies have been performed to demonstrate the safety of the Hepatitis B vaccine in children under the age of 5 years.




In addition to the recommended vaccinations as protections against the above cited risk factors, I have recommended other non-vaccine measures to protect the health of my patient and have enumerated said non-vaccine measures on Exhibit D , attached hereto, "Non-vaccine Measures to Protect Against Risk Factors."

I am issuing this Physician's Warranty of Vaccine Safety in my professional capacity as the attending physician to (Patient's name) ________________________________.

Regardless of the legal entity under which I normally practice medicine, I am issuing this statement in both my business and individual capacities and hereby waive any statutory, Common Law, Constitutional, UCC, international treaty, and any other legal immunities from liability lawsuits in the instant case.

I issue this document of my own free will after consultation with competent legal counsel whose name is _____________________________, an attorney admitted to the Bar in the State of __________________ .

__________________________________ (Name of Attending Physician)

__________________________________ L.S. (Signature of Attending Physician)

Signed on this _______ day of ______________ A.D. ________

Witness: _______________________________ Date: ______________________

Notary Public: ___________________________ Date: ______________________