Dear Noah-bathroom troubles

Since we have moved into our new house we are renting....you have been having problems with allowing yourself to have a complete full bowel movement in the toilet as you keep reminding me "it is only a 1.6 gallon flusher" so you are afraid if you allow yourself a full bowel movement that you will PLUG up the toilet and I will have to use a plunger to unstop it. I have told you over and over and over again, at least a thousand times in the month we have been living here...to just GO when you feel the urge to go and not try to hold it. However, you only let out tiny bits of your bowel movements at a time. AND half the time they will not fall off your bottom into the water....they are hanging and you then do not even want to try wiping yourself which is still an ongoing project for me with you even at 7 years of age. SIGH>>>>>>>>>>

SO........I think you tell me on a daily basis at least 10 times "Mommy come see this poopy and wipe my butt".....enough to exhaust me and yourself and I would think make your bottom sore. I know I am tired of it. About as tired of it all as I was with you still wearing pull ups at 5 1/2 years and still having bowel movements in those instead of the toilet.

You have come a long way but you MUST keep trying to wipe yourself. YOU MUST get over this not allowing yourself to fully have a bowel movement soon! You said to me the other night these exact words "Mommy I cannot use this toilet properly cause it only flushes 1.5 gallons of water and I might plug it up and you would have to use the plunger to unplug it".

I was amazed at the length of the sentence and the big words you used. SO that is an ongoing concern now besides the fact that your teeth look horrible. You now have 2 new front teeth coming in on top of the old front teeth that have not yet loosened enough to come out. They have turned dark and look reallybad.....the one new tooth has broken through the skin but because your mouth and teeth are sore brushing to keep them clean is near impossible. Same on the bottom. You finally lost the 2 front teeth and one side tooth but now have another loose side tooth so the new front teeth look pretty sad sometimes and nasty. You used to have such pretty WHITE teeth. I have told you we have to keep your teeth clean and healthy and strong and WHITE so you can avoid problems later. I cannot even begin to imagine the nightmare taking you to the dentist would be and you obviously need to go if for nothing else a very good cleaning! I am sure they would have to sedate you for that to happen. I have got to get ahold of a dentist who works with kids like you in our area if I can and we will see what happens. I am almost afraid to let it go too long. I don't want you to lose your good new teeth or have rotten teeth. All your others look great....just the front look bad and when I help you brush they look better. Right now you almost look like you have one buck tooth cause it has to stick out so far in order to be on top of the other one below/behind it.

AND today in the pool outside you got mad. I had told you to quit splashing so much water out of the pool and onto me while I was on the phone....and basically to just not be so rough in the water dropping hard toys to the bottom to splash as it could make the bottom tear. I said ONE MORE TIME and you would be out of the pool. AND of course you did it one more time. I said OUT...you got mad and pushed/hit me in the chest and said "paddle your butt I WILL!". Of course this marked the end of your pool time!

Trying to teach you appropriate behaviors and such...an ongoing process we will be doing a long time.

We did make it to the library in town and got a library card. We checked out some wonderful books including some on appropriate behaviors and social skills...and you made a friend whom you played with inside a tent in the library reading books together. A little girl who you invited to your house (yelling out the address) as she left.

I am tired. I mowed the back yard tonight. The front did not seem to need it yet. I have lots to do...and more paperwork for you to fill out and send in tomorrow. Looks like SSI has determined you are disabled...now I have to make sure resources are not TOO high so you can get some money. Turns out it will likely not be all that much but anything is better than nothing. I think it will likely only be around 325.00 or so per month. I don't understand how they could possibly think that is enough.

Okay...I am going to get us in our jammies. I did up the dishes and you have had supper. You should sleep well tonight.

I love you forever even though you informed me tonight that when you turned 39 you were moving away and NOT living with me anymore but you would get your own mommy (wife to you).....her name is Andie.....and you would build houses and live in the commercial site till you were done building houses......till you turned 39...at which time you would marry Andie...and have 2 children...2 boys whom you would name Isaac and Isaiah. (you only recently added you might also have 2 girls). I know you were mad at me.......but the fact that you are only 7 and already want to get away from me is good and bad. Good because I need to encourage more independence in you. Bad cause you are only 7 and I would hate to think you really understand how you feel. That is one saving grace. You are ALOOF to many of these issues and concerns. I don't think you really even understand LOVE or what it is or means. You seem to be happy around anyone who allows you to do what you want and fun things. If every person on our block did this they could all be the same as your mommy is in your eyes. You truly do not seem to NEED me or your daddy or anyone for that matter. I know this is part of your autism but it is a bit disheartening to say the least to think your 7 year old child could care less whether they are with you or not.

oh well..now I am thinking too much and making my head hurt.

I love you regardless...always have and always will!
Mommy XXOO