Dear Noah...you are growing up so fast!

The other day my knee came out of joint again or whatever it tends to do...(holding off on a knee replacement as long as I can)...and I could barely walk. When it came time for bed...you had to help me get my leg into bed as I still had not been able to pop it back into place...wow did it smart!

Anyway..you had a sleepover in my room...and we got to talking. It became a very deep/long conversation. In fact I ended up only getting about 1-1/2 hours of sleep before I had to get up at 3:50 a.m. for work.

It was worth being sleep deprived though as I know these conversations are a once-in-a-lifetime type of deal and only come along every so often. I truly do try to LIVE IN THE MOMENT and appreciate even disruptions like this in my sleep time because you never know when they may be your last time to soak it all up.

So you began talking about growing up...and wanting to be an architect. You wondered if that was a field that would be in demand by the time you grew up since the market now for new building has slowed down tremendously due to the economy. I told you, you could always design unique homes for richer people or go into commercial building architecture which was actually something you had wanted to do as well. You seemed pretty pleased with that and felt reassured you could have a job doing something you enjoyed one day...you talked about some of the houses you have designed recently and even ONE you said I COULD LIVE IN....but it has some quirks that needed to be worked out yet. I guess part of you is afraid I will end up in some retirement home because of my health issues...and I explained to you that was usually reserved for MUCH OLDER people and only when even they could AFFORD TO actually retire and live on whatever money was going to be coming into them from any outside sources besides any they have put aside for themself. I also reassured you I had no plans of going to any retirement center and was not planning on ever leaving you high and dry so to speak..and you said you knew this.

You talked about also wanting to be a "writer" and create stories for your favorite Sonic comics...which I think is also a great idea. In fact...you said your heart "became so lightened" by this idea you were super excited to get started and the next night you wrote an amazing storyline idea several pages long. You used some pretty big words and I happened to notice one in particular we had just learned this past week in vocabulary, "retort" and you used it correctly! I asked you if you purposefully thought about using any of those words or if that word just came to you..and you said it just came to you! WOW..this means not only are you learning the words but you are RETAINING the words! I was impressed.

The way you "write/type" for something you are interested in compared to assignments for school, however, is the difference between night and day. WOW...almost looks like it is written by two different people. You write much better for something you are interested in and much more advanced...expressing yourself pretty well. It is like pulling teeth to try to get you to compile anything making much sense for school. So we will be working on that. I think you just need to have more confidence in yourself really.

You then said you were going to start trying some new foods....and wanted to learn to cook and use a cookbook to make new dishes to try. You said that was something maybe we could even do together. I thought it was a great idea. You wanted me to teach you to do laundry. I told you that yes...I had plans to teach you all these life skills.

You confided your fears that you thought you would do poorly when it came to money. I tried to reassure you I felt you would do fine as long as you avoided credit cards and paid yourself a little first and then your bills. I said we would get you a checking account or savings account and start teaching you about money.

I asked you why the sudden/rush of interest to learn all these things that I had said to you often ybefore that you would need to learn so you could be out on your own one day? You said because you wanted to start getting ready to be out on your own one day.

Let's see...you will be 13 in December...I think you have a little time...but then again...it is never too early to learn life skills and start using them.

What impressed me even more than anything...was the ending of the conversation. You said after all of this you wanted me to teach you how to "have a simple life." I love that. I try very hard to keep our life simple now...and I am pretty sure that is what you meant...keeping your life simple so you can avoid the stress and situations that used to just send you over the edge. Not getting so hung up in all the things a lot of others do....etc.

Suddenly without any warning you said, "Okay that is enough talking, it is time to go to sleep now!" and that was it! Conversation over...finished...done.

I am so amazed at how far you have come and continue to go. We both looked back over videos of you from a long time ago...and back then I thought I could understand your language you used pretty well as you really did not talk so much as make sounds and added a few intelligible words here and there. BOTH of us could barely understand what you were saying looking back now. You have improved so much with your speech and talking and using words.

Another thing I noticed was how you are finally able to actually SIT and be still and more focused now for school....and other things. You are MUCH MORE relaxed and not literally bouncing off the walls or chair. IN prior videoclips it shows you not even being able to sit for school...here at home or in the public school...you had to stand and move constantly..holding something in your hands all the time to fidget with it...moving your head around and making sounds...eyes all over the place....just on overload all the time.

You have come a long way and I know you still have a long way to go but I feel really blessed at the progress you have made and continue to make each day. I thank God for you Noah as you have been the biggest blessing to my life.

I will love you forever....

Mom
XOXOXOXOX

Oh..you told me the other day while patting my hair on the top of my head you sort of like my GRAY hair now. Yes I have not been putting any henna rinses on it for a while and the hairs around my face and top of my head are getting gray. Before you had told me I was not allowed to let any gray hair show ever till I was at least 65 years old! BUT you patted it and said now you sort of liked it. You said I sorta matched your dad's hair now...and we would make a good pair...(no we are not getting back together for any family reading this)...but it was cute the gestures you used and the comments you made.

AlSO we have been watching WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY together at night...your sense of humor has just developed leaps and bounds! You laugh hysterically now at things that are really funny and UNDERSTAND what they mean...whereas before you did not have a clue. So we are really enjoying that time together.

I have my work cut out for me. I need to make sure you are successful in your education and schoolwork...and in life...and get myself prepared to be on my own probably one day without you living right here with me each day and minute which is a lifestyle I have known now for 12-1/2 years..and reduced income one day as no more child support or benefits for you will be coming in. That is fine and I know all that will more than work out ...I am more focused on getting you where you need to be one day.

It will exciting to see all the doors that will surely open for you one day in the future Noah.

ALL MY LOVE!
Mom
XOXOX