Just wanted to know how it went on Monday with Emmy Davis. She seemed extremely defensive and stand-offish to us on Monday morning. I imagine cause I made the call to you. I am not sure. I tried explaining some other things that bothered Noah or worked for him and she basically told us she could care less because she only said "he has to learn to do things the way we want him to"...."he cannot sit with the other kids or do things with them as he disrupts them too much"...etc. She stood the entire time with her arms crossed in front of her and her legs in combat type stance. She did the same thing when we picked Noah up and Keith approached her to talk about some things. For the first time she DID NOT sit down "alongside" us to discuss Noah. She stood cross armed and combat stance the entire time...ABOVE us and kept saying "well...we will see Noah tomorrow"...shooing us out the door. I left because I was already ticked off and felt if anything else needed to be said Keith could do it. He did not like the response or lack thereof either so he came out pretty quickly after I had left.
I had explained to Emmy that morning that Noah was extremely upset and crying this morning (MONDAY) and did not want to even go to school because he said there were TOO many STOP signs and WAIT signs and schedules all around him. He also mentioned he did not like always being by himself and not being able to play with the other kids or do things with them. I mean he is being overwhelmed with VISUAL cues to the point where every inch he turns there is a sign telling him what he can or cannot do. MORE things he canNOT do than can. As I had told you last week...he is not being allowed to even sit with the other kids as Emmy says he disrupts the class too much. I spoke with someone who runs another CAC program in Denver and they said when they had that problem they have their other kids put headphones on and stay in the room and continue with their work..etc. Not sure why that was not an option for Noah. In other words by Emmy removing the other kids from the room....Noah got super attention to the fact that he was having a fit when it should have been headphones placed on...him being redirected and then ignoring the tantrum. What happened instead only made him probably feel like "wow...look what I just made happen". He got everyone's attention! For most of these kids and especially we know with Noah anyway....a lot of his behaviors you just have to ignore....and prompt him to do something positive and ignore the bad behavior and go on. Drawing attention to it only reinforces the POWER of the bad behavior so it continues.
ANYWAY..I am tired of explaining things to teachers and school staff who do not understand or seem to care to understand as Noah being present poses a huge inconvenience for them and the rest of their class. Keith and I both still feel isolating Noah within the classroom is not right. He even has partitions up all around him......dividers..etc. We are not sure that is necessary. I guess it is a close call to make as there are times he prefers being to himself to accomplish things....but the whole idea of the CAC program was so he COULD interact with other kids in a regular SMALL classroom setting. This is NOT interacting in any fashion. He ONLY interacts with his para and sometimes teacher. ONCE per day he is allowed to do CHOICE time with ONE other student. This is only for MINUTES. Otherwise it is Noah and his para. While this is okay we suppose to some degree.....it seriously lacks in ways to provide Noah with appropriate social skills classes and behavior modification, peer observation, etc., which was the ONLY reason we had even considered placing him in another public school program. It also does not even afford an opportunity for that. Noah is presently NOT receiving any academics which we also have huge problems with. To date we are also not even aware he is receiving any speech therapy or occupational therapy let alone any special education services. His para is reading TO him rather than having HIM READ TO HER...he CAN READ. While we understand just becoming aclimated to the room and environment is a process and takes time..etc...we do not feel it should be a reason to withhold his therapies and/or academics.
Fostering the isolation in the corner of the room only makes Noah feel he needs to be off to himself in order to complete any work or project. This is NOT the goal we had all set in place for him from the start....so we don't understand why it is happening now. Emmy Davis will say it is because Noah is too disruptive to the rest of the class. While we understand that to a degree...we also know he has to be allowed to mix and mingle, to observe and to be allowed to SUCCESSFULLY DO SOME SOCIAL interaction each day.
I also tried to tell Emmy Davis this morning that Noah has to have something in his hands all the time...preferably a MICRO BEAD stretchy toy to hold, squeeze and stretch WHILE he works...not placing that aside and only allowing him to have scheduled SENSORY breaks. We are right back where we started at WEBER! We have even offered to BRING IN A MICRO BEAD stretchy toy as they only seem to give him KOOSH balls which he does not like that well and they have never worked well here for us at home. We have also told her that we had to start out with very small time increments to demand sitting and working on anything. Start with a scheduled amount of time...say 5 minutes....and then let him take a break. Then keep doing that and slowly increase the time he sits and works. Emmy acted like she could not believe or allow SO MANY BREAKS for Noah.
To be honest Keith and I are to the point where we are asking WHY we keep sending Noah back into the public school setting where everyone experiments with different things to try to find something that works. We already can make things work fine here at home with academics..etc. We are even beginning our own social skills classes since he is not yet receiving those anywhere else. He is able to effectively calm himself at home if he gets upset. He has made tremendous strides. He does well socially with other kids at playgrounds and play areas. SO....except to train him to eventually become another cookie cutter molded little person who sits and does everything in school the exact same way everyone else does..WHY ARE we continuing to send him back? The ONLY reason we did this time was so Noah could SUPPOSEDLY receive social skills training and behavior modification per his IEP. He does NOT have to ever enter a real classroom setting to complete school...or even college for that matter. And to date we are not happy with anything we have seen in the public school setting and had NO PLANS for allowing Noah to go to a public school long-term. Emmy Davis wants to refer Noah to an SIED program (or is it SEID?) as she said "they have more expertise with behavior modification than I have or ever will have". By her calling and scheduling an appointment with Barb Bailey prior to Keith or I even telling her what we would consider as a possible option (the SIED/SEID program).....that ticked me off considerably. Here the day before she had told me to go home and talk to Keith about it. I told her there was really nothing to discuss as we had already talked about the SIED program before and we all agreed that was not the proper placement for Noah. She said if we wanted to go see the program she would go along..to let her know..and she would call Barb Bailey about it. She would give Noah one additional week (now this week) to see how things went. Friday we go in (the day after this conversation) and she informs me she has already called Barb and has already scheduled an appointment for next Thursday the 17th at 3:00 p.m. to discuss WHERE we were going to PLACE NOAH AFTER SPRING BREAK!! Now what??? That told us right there she had thrown in the towel with Noah. What other message should we have gotten? There is no other message. It was loud and clear.
So....again I told her that date was not good for me to meet...and besides..if Sheridan Green did not work out for Noah...then we would officially withdraw him from public school settings until we completed his formal evaluation and heard where the professionals would say he should receive his therapies. She then made a comment about Noah not receiving any social skills....and I thought to myself....AND HE IS RECEIVING THEM AT SHERIDAN? NO he is NOT. He is isolated and only being allowed to interact with his para. So basically he is only being babysat while at Sheridan as far as we know as he is NOT receiving any therapies or academics or social skills training/behavior modification.
As you can tell I am extremely upset. SO upset we are not even sure about proceeding with Sheridan Green anymore even this week. Keith and I have talked and talked about this to no end. We are both so sick and tired of explaining things to deaf ears. OR trying to place Noah with so-called EXPERIENCED personnel and then they act like Noah does things they have never seen or worked with before. Meanwhile Noah goes through Hell. If he has not gotten a paranoid complex from all this yet in time he will. He is TOTALLY aware he is being sectioned off from others. The problem is he does not totally understand WHY. In fact I could say the same about us his parents. We are also not totally sure why.
So before we make a hasty decision we would like to know what you saw or felt was happening at Sheridan Green when you observed on Monday.
I purposefully did not call as I don't have the time or energy to discuss this further via voice. I hesitate also as I may say something I will regret. You however have been the only one to date who truly seems to understand and GET IT. For that we thank you very very much.
SO...please email us and let me know your thoughts. You can forward this email to anyone you feel would benefit from it...including Barb Bailey. Thanks so much!
Sincerely,
Melinda AND Keith
Monday, March 14, 2005
SIGNS SIGNS everywhere there are signs...
Signs signs everywhere there're (?) signs...do this don't do that everywhere there are signs...........
At what point do visual cues even GET TO autistic spectrum kids? I think Noah is about to that point. Cried today before school as he did not want to go. They have TOO many signs..TOO many STOP signs..TOO many WAIT signs...TOO many schedules he said....his little CORNER of the room is SURROUNDED BY SIGNS....telling him what he CAN do and what HE CANNOT DO....
I would be sick of it. I think he is at his limit. After all he cannot tune out all the stimulus in his environment like we all can. Must be extremely overwhelming. Course his teacher could care less. He needs to learn.....to FIT IN with the others.
SICKENING.............
At what point do visual cues even GET TO autistic spectrum kids? I think Noah is about to that point. Cried today before school as he did not want to go. They have TOO many signs..TOO many STOP signs..TOO many WAIT signs...TOO many schedules he said....his little CORNER of the room is SURROUNDED BY SIGNS....telling him what he CAN do and what HE CANNOT DO....
I just realized my last post reminded me of that song:
I would be sick of it. I think he is at his limit. After all he cannot tune out all the stimulus in his environment like we all can. Must be extremely overwhelming. Course his teacher could care less. He needs to learn.....to FIT IN with the others.
SICKENING.............
SURROUNDED BY STOP SIGNS-that is how Noah sees his world
SURROUNDED BY STOP SIGNS IN THE CLASSROOM...that is how Noah sees his world everyday. Do they help him?
well..it usually does with him I guess....he sees the sign and is very visual...so I guess they think it will help to reinforce the STOP and NOT going out the door. I am glad they have them but I think after awhile Noah is feeling boxed in literally. I dont know. I expressed concerns this morning to the teacher who was extremely defensive. I called her on the fact that last week after she told me to talk to Keith about what we might consider as options for Noah IF her program did not work out before she called the director to schedule a meeting...that she went ahead and had already SCHEDULED a freaking meeting with the director before I had even told her what Keith and I had discussed. I had told her that pretty much indicated to us she had already decided in her mind that HER program was NOT going to work for Noah as she told me Friday she had scheduled a meeting with the director to discuss WHERE they were going to place Noah AFTER spring break. She stood there mouth gaped open.....eyes funny...she KNEW I had caught her in a lie and she wrote it off as "well it had to be a misunderstanding"..."I told you I was going to call Barb"...blah blah blah. SHE NEVER was to CALL Barb until AFTER we had discussed what WE MIGHT consider as options....and there are NO other options from the DISTRICT so what was there to discuss anyway? She once again was referring to the program for emotionally disabled kids. Noah has already been proven to not be emotionally disabled. SO I would NEVER place him in a program like that. She said she was sorry but it was not sincere. When I told her how Noah started off his morning NOT wanting to go to school and why.....she basically stood there with her arms crossed super defensive and said "he has to learn to sit with others and not be distracting before he can do things with the other kids". HUM....and HOW ONCE AGAIN is THAT making him more socially acceptable?
SO I told her look " I am tired of telling everyone what WE know works with Noah and no one seems to be listening. We are done with the crap. If this does not work out for Noah we will be officially withdrawing him from public schools as they obviously don't have a freaking ass clue what to do with kids like him. We would homeschool him....and keep the appointment for evaluation...and based on their recommendations decide what additional therapies he will need to LEARN social skills more than we teach him already at home...etc. She of course could secretly care less as if it had been left up to her last week would have been Noah's final week...no matter what she will tell someone to their face.
I told her isolation bothers him.....being surrounded by barriers bothers him...etc....and yet at times he seems to like that or prefer that. SO who knows. BUT he seems SAD about it all and is probably thinking "gee...what is wrong with me since I always have to sit by myself to work and go to school...etc." What kind of life is that for a 6 year old to have to try to deal with? Especially since he cannot quite grasp concepts to begin with? He does not get to do anything with any other child while at school except for a few minutes in the morning during so-called "CHOICE" time. Then a kid named Mark comes and plays with him. They play cars. That is it. So basically school right now is just playing a babysitter for Noah as they keep trying all these different things to conform and make my little angel boy square peg fit into their perfect little round holes!
My job is suffering as I cannot concentrate on anything but this. It slowly takes over everything in your life. I am so exhausted so I then cannot get up and do my work..which means I then have to try to do it during the day which is near impossible with everything else going on. I have already expressed my concerns to my boss. I told her even if I wanted a break in my position since no one can cover for me while gone I basically cannot take a break from work. BUT I may have to. I am getting a very bad attitude about everything in general and am so sick and tired of public school staff thinking they know what is best for your child when time and time again they prove to us they don't have a clue. Not when it comes to dealing with someone like Noah.
SO...........on that note I better get to the other PC and work. I have about 20 tapes sitting over there
well..it usually does with him I guess....he sees the sign and is very visual...so I guess they think it will help to reinforce the STOP and NOT going out the door. I am glad they have them but I think after awhile Noah is feeling boxed in literally. I dont know. I expressed concerns this morning to the teacher who was extremely defensive. I called her on the fact that last week after she told me to talk to Keith about what we might consider as options for Noah IF her program did not work out before she called the director to schedule a meeting...that she went ahead and had already SCHEDULED a freaking meeting with the director before I had even told her what Keith and I had discussed. I had told her that pretty much indicated to us she had already decided in her mind that HER program was NOT going to work for Noah as she told me Friday she had scheduled a meeting with the director to discuss WHERE they were going to place Noah AFTER spring break. She stood there mouth gaped open.....eyes funny...she KNEW I had caught her in a lie and she wrote it off as "well it had to be a misunderstanding"..."I told you I was going to call Barb"...blah blah blah. SHE NEVER was to CALL Barb until AFTER we had discussed what WE MIGHT consider as options....and there are NO other options from the DISTRICT so what was there to discuss anyway? She once again was referring to the program for emotionally disabled kids. Noah has already been proven to not be emotionally disabled. SO I would NEVER place him in a program like that. She said she was sorry but it was not sincere. When I told her how Noah started off his morning NOT wanting to go to school and why.....she basically stood there with her arms crossed super defensive and said "he has to learn to sit with others and not be distracting before he can do things with the other kids". HUM....and HOW ONCE AGAIN is THAT making him more socially acceptable?
SO I told her look " I am tired of telling everyone what WE know works with Noah and no one seems to be listening. We are done with the crap. If this does not work out for Noah we will be officially withdrawing him from public schools as they obviously don't have a freaking ass clue what to do with kids like him. We would homeschool him....and keep the appointment for evaluation...and based on their recommendations decide what additional therapies he will need to LEARN social skills more than we teach him already at home...etc. She of course could secretly care less as if it had been left up to her last week would have been Noah's final week...no matter what she will tell someone to their face.
I told her isolation bothers him.....being surrounded by barriers bothers him...etc....and yet at times he seems to like that or prefer that. SO who knows. BUT he seems SAD about it all and is probably thinking "gee...what is wrong with me since I always have to sit by myself to work and go to school...etc." What kind of life is that for a 6 year old to have to try to deal with? Especially since he cannot quite grasp concepts to begin with? He does not get to do anything with any other child while at school except for a few minutes in the morning during so-called "CHOICE" time. Then a kid named Mark comes and plays with him. They play cars. That is it. So basically school right now is just playing a babysitter for Noah as they keep trying all these different things to conform and make my little angel boy square peg fit into their perfect little round holes!
My job is suffering as I cannot concentrate on anything but this. It slowly takes over everything in your life. I am so exhausted so I then cannot get up and do my work..which means I then have to try to do it during the day which is near impossible with everything else going on. I have already expressed my concerns to my boss. I told her even if I wanted a break in my position since no one can cover for me while gone I basically cannot take a break from work. BUT I may have to. I am getting a very bad attitude about everything in general and am so sick and tired of public school staff thinking they know what is best for your child when time and time again they prove to us they don't have a clue. Not when it comes to dealing with someone like Noah.
SO...........on that note I better get to the other PC and work. I have about 20 tapes sitting over there
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Dear Noah
WHAT is the world coming to. I mean a gunman IN A GUARDED courtroom guns down and kills the jude, court stenographer, and others Friday. A man goes into a Saturday night church service and kills others and himself. I know they say the chances of those things happening in everyday lives is probably miniscule. But all those people affected in the past few days had miniscule chances too. EVER since 9/11 I have thought about things I never dreamed I would think of. I now PONDER possibilities I never could even imagine before.....just so I can be "more prepared"???? What kind of a concept is that? Can anyone ever be prepared to just LIVE in this world anymore? You never know who you will come across and what will happen. You don't know if even the policeman you seek out to help you will be straight and legit and okay. ALL these concerns and worries makes trying to teach you who to count on to be there and take care of you or HELP you when you need help so tough. Even for the average person who can understand "concepts" it is getting tough. For someone who does not it is near impossible now. Some of the people we would normally have sent our children to in the past for help are now not always the ones who will help our children but instead are the same ones who hurt. Devils in sheep's cloathing. AND IF I TOLD THAT TO YOU NOAH....YOU WOULD TAKE ME LITERALLY AND THINK "DEVIL IN SHEEP'S CLOATHING" and that is what you would be looking for. HOW IS it EVER possible to get you to understand. I DON'T EVEN understand times like this that we live in.
It is so hard to not become depressed and worry all the time wondering what kind of life you might have one day. I worry about a lot but in the back of my mind I know it will all work out and I really don't have any control over much anyway so I just need to give it all up to GOD. However....as a human being that is even hard to do sometimes as we want to always keep our "hands in the pot" (again...you will take this literally...sorry). We always want to try to handle everything ourselves. I can turn it over to God but I also will still worry to some point.
I WORRY about you even going out to recess as you have been trying sometimes to run away. The slightest thing that is different in your environment can set you off and make you run. NO ONE gets that.....I think YOU DO. You thought the person holding the school door open Friday was a "stranger". You remembered Mommy has told you to run, kick, scream, yell ...do ANYTHING to get AWAY from a stranger. YOU DID exactly what I told you. However...you have to make sure where you are running is safe. AND running away from your paraprofessional is not safe. We would not know where you were. You could get hurt. Mommy and Daddy would miss you and love you and would not know where you were. We might not ever get to even see you again. We could not imagine a life without you in it. THANKFULLY GOD AND HIS ANGELS were watching over you when we were not there and you stopped when your para said "STOP!!". You came back. I don't want to get a phone call one day however where they say you got away. AND....while your para may be great..she is overweight and out of shape and I HIGHLY doubt she could run and catch you. I could not run and catch you as I am out of shape. AND we all know CHASING you only makes you run more. SO that would not work anyway.
SO many things in my mind constantly racing around....worries....fears...stresses....trying to think positive all the time so we don't self fulfill all the crap in our heads we do worry about.
Then we wonder. WHY EXACTLY are we continuing to try to even send you back to a public school setting? MAKES NO sense to us. We don't even desire to send you to a public school. We have had great success homeschooling you here at home. Supposedly it was for therapies and to learn to handle a classroom setting. WHY SHOULD YOU EVER NEED TO LEARN THAT? YOU don't HAVE to go to a classroom setting to go to school. You can do school at home..you can even do college at home now. WHY NOT DO THAT INSTEAD? MAKES perfect sense to me. We know what is best for you. The teachers don't. I mean you are not even getting the social skills classes you need now. Once again they have isolated you into a corner of the room.....you are partitioned off from the others so as not to "disturb" them. How can you learn social skills if you are not allowed to be SOCIAL???? WOW PEOPLE....NEW concept there. I think we will just go ahead and withdraw you from school now. I know the head of all the IEP stuff is thinking you need 4-6 weeks to see if all these new things will work for you. However your teacher threw in the towel last week when she said she had already called the director and scheduled a meeting to "discuss WHERE you would go AFTER spring break". THAT tells me she has already made up her mind "you" in "her "room will NOT work. Meanwhile I wonder about that. Daddy and I both do. You are presently not getting ANY academics in school as they say they cannot get you to sit and stay on task long enough to complete anything. Funny.....at home we got you to complete and stay on task on about 5 different subjects Saturday. You completed all your work and actually learned things. You soaked things up like a sponge. Your behavior was better and we could control it. WHY should we continue to let you go to a school where they have admitted they do NOT know how to do those things but yet somehow supposedly know what is BEST for you and think anything they do will magically transform you? INTO WHAT we ask? A perfect cookie cutter molded little person who will do and learn things the way all the other little cookie cutter people do? WHAT FUN IS THAT?? AND WHY when your paint water at school became dirty and they would NOT let you get up and change it to keep you calm and on task.......WHY we would like to know did they just not let you change it? I would have done that at home. You have a full time para assigned to you. The bathroom sink is in the classroom for Pete's sake! Instead they tell you to USE DIRTY water which really set you off and you threw the chair across the room into the door. Now ALL that could have been avoided by allowing you to simply change the water.....and then sit back down and finish painting. They seemed so thrilled and proud they were finally able to get you calmed down enough that you sat and used dirty water to finish painting with. THAT would have bugged even me! That affects your painting when the water is dirty. Are we the only ones who understand that? I just sit here with my mouth hanging and shaking my head.
I really believe we will be homeschooling you in some fashion......and you will be receiving additional therapies either here from home or we take you somewhere for them or both. We think that is what will work best. It is so funny when the teachers say "oh but he won't be getting any socialization" ....oh and yes I say...he is receiving SO MUCH in school where you keep him off to himself all the time. I would think if you were not paranoid before.....you would soon become paranoid. I would imagine you would start thinking something must be wrong with you. We have gone through this same thing before....over and over and over it keeps happening. WHY???? I would think that is not helping you to learn to be with others...only making you crave being alone and off to yourself even more.
AND then they talk about sticking you in an SIED program...that is for emotionally disturbed children. YOU have already been deemed NOT emotionally disabled. We will never place you in a program like that. There comes a time when we have to stand up and say "hey....we do know what is BEST for our son and the district obviously has no freakin clue". I am so thankful to GOD we have been able to change our work schedules around where Mommy and Daddy can be home with you during the day and at night so someone is always with you. We love being with you 24/7. We love teaching you things. We love seeing you change and grow. We are thankful we should be able to give you what you need.
So be tough my little Noah. My little angel boy. We truly believe you were sent down from God above for Mommy AND Daddy to love. And that is what we are doing!!
LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK ...again and again and again and again....
FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER!!
Mommy
It is so hard to not become depressed and worry all the time wondering what kind of life you might have one day. I worry about a lot but in the back of my mind I know it will all work out and I really don't have any control over much anyway so I just need to give it all up to GOD. However....as a human being that is even hard to do sometimes as we want to always keep our "hands in the pot" (again...you will take this literally...sorry). We always want to try to handle everything ourselves. I can turn it over to God but I also will still worry to some point.
I WORRY about you even going out to recess as you have been trying sometimes to run away. The slightest thing that is different in your environment can set you off and make you run. NO ONE gets that.....I think YOU DO. You thought the person holding the school door open Friday was a "stranger". You remembered Mommy has told you to run, kick, scream, yell ...do ANYTHING to get AWAY from a stranger. YOU DID exactly what I told you. However...you have to make sure where you are running is safe. AND running away from your paraprofessional is not safe. We would not know where you were. You could get hurt. Mommy and Daddy would miss you and love you and would not know where you were. We might not ever get to even see you again. We could not imagine a life without you in it. THANKFULLY GOD AND HIS ANGELS were watching over you when we were not there and you stopped when your para said "STOP!!". You came back. I don't want to get a phone call one day however where they say you got away. AND....while your para may be great..she is overweight and out of shape and I HIGHLY doubt she could run and catch you. I could not run and catch you as I am out of shape. AND we all know CHASING you only makes you run more. SO that would not work anyway.
SO many things in my mind constantly racing around....worries....fears...stresses....trying to think positive all the time so we don't self fulfill all the crap in our heads we do worry about.
Then we wonder. WHY EXACTLY are we continuing to try to even send you back to a public school setting? MAKES NO sense to us. We don't even desire to send you to a public school. We have had great success homeschooling you here at home. Supposedly it was for therapies and to learn to handle a classroom setting. WHY SHOULD YOU EVER NEED TO LEARN THAT? YOU don't HAVE to go to a classroom setting to go to school. You can do school at home..you can even do college at home now. WHY NOT DO THAT INSTEAD? MAKES perfect sense to me. We know what is best for you. The teachers don't. I mean you are not even getting the social skills classes you need now. Once again they have isolated you into a corner of the room.....you are partitioned off from the others so as not to "disturb" them. How can you learn social skills if you are not allowed to be SOCIAL???? WOW PEOPLE....NEW concept there. I think we will just go ahead and withdraw you from school now. I know the head of all the IEP stuff is thinking you need 4-6 weeks to see if all these new things will work for you. However your teacher threw in the towel last week when she said she had already called the director and scheduled a meeting to "discuss WHERE you would go AFTER spring break". THAT tells me she has already made up her mind "you" in "her "room will NOT work. Meanwhile I wonder about that. Daddy and I both do. You are presently not getting ANY academics in school as they say they cannot get you to sit and stay on task long enough to complete anything. Funny.....at home we got you to complete and stay on task on about 5 different subjects Saturday. You completed all your work and actually learned things. You soaked things up like a sponge. Your behavior was better and we could control it. WHY should we continue to let you go to a school where they have admitted they do NOT know how to do those things but yet somehow supposedly know what is BEST for you and think anything they do will magically transform you? INTO WHAT we ask? A perfect cookie cutter molded little person who will do and learn things the way all the other little cookie cutter people do? WHAT FUN IS THAT?? AND WHY when your paint water at school became dirty and they would NOT let you get up and change it to keep you calm and on task.......WHY we would like to know did they just not let you change it? I would have done that at home. You have a full time para assigned to you. The bathroom sink is in the classroom for Pete's sake! Instead they tell you to USE DIRTY water which really set you off and you threw the chair across the room into the door. Now ALL that could have been avoided by allowing you to simply change the water.....and then sit back down and finish painting. They seemed so thrilled and proud they were finally able to get you calmed down enough that you sat and used dirty water to finish painting with. THAT would have bugged even me! That affects your painting when the water is dirty. Are we the only ones who understand that? I just sit here with my mouth hanging and shaking my head.
I really believe we will be homeschooling you in some fashion......and you will be receiving additional therapies either here from home or we take you somewhere for them or both. We think that is what will work best. It is so funny when the teachers say "oh but he won't be getting any socialization" ....oh and yes I say...he is receiving SO MUCH in school where you keep him off to himself all the time. I would think if you were not paranoid before.....you would soon become paranoid. I would imagine you would start thinking something must be wrong with you. We have gone through this same thing before....over and over and over it keeps happening. WHY???? I would think that is not helping you to learn to be with others...only making you crave being alone and off to yourself even more.
AND then they talk about sticking you in an SIED program...that is for emotionally disturbed children. YOU have already been deemed NOT emotionally disabled. We will never place you in a program like that. There comes a time when we have to stand up and say "hey....we do know what is BEST for our son and the district obviously has no freakin clue". I am so thankful to GOD we have been able to change our work schedules around where Mommy and Daddy can be home with you during the day and at night so someone is always with you. We love being with you 24/7. We love teaching you things. We love seeing you change and grow. We are thankful we should be able to give you what you need.
So be tough my little Noah. My little angel boy. We truly believe you were sent down from God above for Mommy AND Daddy to love. And that is what we are doing!!
LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK ...again and again and again and again....
FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER!!
Mommy
Friday, March 11, 2005
Dear Noah
Lying here beside you, listening to your breathing
Watching as you snuggle close, wondering what you’re dreaming
Treasuring every second in time, the clock has ticked away
Now I find I’m looking back and wishing we could stay
In this special moment, forever two as one
In this special bond, between a mother and her son
Wondering where the time has went and admiring how you’ve grown
Wondering if my memories will fill me up till I have known
A thousand lifetimes on this earth all filled with memories of you
A thousand moments caught in time all thoughts of me with you
Will I be able to recall sounds of your laughter and your tears
your joys and your sorrows, your dreams and your fears
Will I be able to see your face in my feeble senseless mind
I can only pray for this, but time will tell if it is kind
So meanwhile I savor every moment, every second I have with you
Every breath that we take together, every moment, just us two.
Melinda A. Napoletano (c) copyright 2005
Watching as you snuggle close, wondering what you’re dreaming
Treasuring every second in time, the clock has ticked away
Now I find I’m looking back and wishing we could stay
In this special moment, forever two as one
In this special bond, between a mother and her son
Wondering where the time has went and admiring how you’ve grown
Wondering if my memories will fill me up till I have known
A thousand lifetimes on this earth all filled with memories of you
A thousand moments caught in time all thoughts of me with you
Will I be able to recall sounds of your laughter and your tears
your joys and your sorrows, your dreams and your fears
Will I be able to see your face in my feeble senseless mind
I can only pray for this, but time will tell if it is kind
So meanwhile I savor every moment, every second I have with you
Every breath that we take together, every moment, just us two.
Melinda A. Napoletano (c) copyright 2005
Figures
Figures. I am trying to lighten up my blog (color-wise) and am having trouble. I guess eventually the changes will take place. I have 2 blogs and find it hard to keep up with both sometimes...so I know sometimes they overlap! OH WELL..that is life.
So....mammograms. SO much freakin fun. Not so bad really....but....then you get a tech whose goal in life is to smash your breasts as flat as she can and make you cry! They almost seem to delight in it and want to laugh. Seems weird to me. AND...what are they supposedly tracking that requires a second view? Weird too..first I have heard of it. My doctor said she would have the head of Radiology call me and tell me if there is anything to be concerned about. She had not heard of anything being tracked either.
Noah had an "okay" day today. We are already given the impression this teacher has given up on him too or just does not want the "inconvenience" of trying to make things work in her small protective classroom setting. I don't know. I don't really care. I know ONE week is not enough time to tell if things will or won't work in that setting. We are going to do another week...but even that is not long enough. Noah has so many issues and we can deal with them pretty effectively at home. I sometimes wonder why the so-called "professionals" cannot. Seems odd. You mean after all their extensive training and knowledge and education they still don't always know best? WOW.....what a concept. Meanwhile Noah I am sure is frustrated. He has to be. When he goes out to recess with his paraprofessional they normally prop open the door to get back in with a trash can. Today it was another kid holding the door open. Noah thought it was a stranger and did not like the looks of the kid or something. He took off. Got clear over to where the bike racks are. FINALLY his para was able to stop him and have him come back. WHAT IF SHE CANNOT DO THAT ONE DAY? WHY is it I am constantly bombarded with the feeling that my son is never safe unless he is with me 24/7?? Why is it that no one else seems to be able to handle him or figure out how to work with him in a successful manner? DOES ANYONE EVER LISTEN to what I try to tell them??? I honestly think I would be better off talking to myself and just having Noah with me 24/7. I do not have any faith at all in any public school setting. WHY is it everyone thinks your kid needs to be in school? Noah does so much better at home and responds so much better at home. He is SAFE here...as secure as he can be. WE ACTUALLY WATCH HIM........keep him safe. NEW CONCEPT I guess.
I just don't even have the energy today to go on and on and on about this. I put in a call to the director of the district's IEP crap....and told her there was no reason to have another meeting next week to decided WHERE Noah shall go after spring break. IF this school does not work out we will NOT be placing him in yet another school or program to see IF it will work. We will keep him home....keep him safe and have his formal evaluation completed on April 14th at Children's Hospital and go from there. But you worry...you wonder.....what kind of future is anyone going to have let alone someone like Noah?
Stress level is high but weird...I guess I am getting numb to it to some point. I have work to do. Maybe I can concentrate on that for a bit.
So....mammograms. SO much freakin fun. Not so bad really....but....then you get a tech whose goal in life is to smash your breasts as flat as she can and make you cry! They almost seem to delight in it and want to laugh. Seems weird to me. AND...what are they supposedly tracking that requires a second view? Weird too..first I have heard of it. My doctor said she would have the head of Radiology call me and tell me if there is anything to be concerned about. She had not heard of anything being tracked either.
Noah had an "okay" day today. We are already given the impression this teacher has given up on him too or just does not want the "inconvenience" of trying to make things work in her small protective classroom setting. I don't know. I don't really care. I know ONE week is not enough time to tell if things will or won't work in that setting. We are going to do another week...but even that is not long enough. Noah has so many issues and we can deal with them pretty effectively at home. I sometimes wonder why the so-called "professionals" cannot. Seems odd. You mean after all their extensive training and knowledge and education they still don't always know best? WOW.....what a concept. Meanwhile Noah I am sure is frustrated. He has to be. When he goes out to recess with his paraprofessional they normally prop open the door to get back in with a trash can. Today it was another kid holding the door open. Noah thought it was a stranger and did not like the looks of the kid or something. He took off. Got clear over to where the bike racks are. FINALLY his para was able to stop him and have him come back. WHAT IF SHE CANNOT DO THAT ONE DAY? WHY is it I am constantly bombarded with the feeling that my son is never safe unless he is with me 24/7?? Why is it that no one else seems to be able to handle him or figure out how to work with him in a successful manner? DOES ANYONE EVER LISTEN to what I try to tell them??? I honestly think I would be better off talking to myself and just having Noah with me 24/7. I do not have any faith at all in any public school setting. WHY is it everyone thinks your kid needs to be in school? Noah does so much better at home and responds so much better at home. He is SAFE here...as secure as he can be. WE ACTUALLY WATCH HIM........keep him safe. NEW CONCEPT I guess.
I just don't even have the energy today to go on and on and on about this. I put in a call to the director of the district's IEP crap....and told her there was no reason to have another meeting next week to decided WHERE Noah shall go after spring break. IF this school does not work out we will NOT be placing him in yet another school or program to see IF it will work. We will keep him home....keep him safe and have his formal evaluation completed on April 14th at Children's Hospital and go from there. But you worry...you wonder.....what kind of future is anyone going to have let alone someone like Noah?
Stress level is high but weird...I guess I am getting numb to it to some point. I have work to do. Maybe I can concentrate on that for a bit.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Noah had a trying day again today. The teacher finally realizes I was right when I told her he could NOT be mainstreamed or perhaps even handle her small class. She gets that now she said. She said he has "extreme behavioral issues/lack of social skills". HELLO>?????? We have been trying to tell them that...but I guess they either did not believe us or did not get it. While she gets it now...I don't think she understands exactly where it is all coming from or how to deal with it. She is not really trained for that and that was my fear up front...even though I was assured this school could handle it. I know it will take a specialized program geared at someone like Noah and intense training...no school will be able to provide that. SO who knows where things might end up in the long run. I imagine he will try this for another week...and we will probably have to stop as he can be too disruptive even for her small class. He has made some progress but cannot be consistent. AND this teacher I think does not GET the fact that behavioral problems can be due to autistic problems...as she seems to already be trying to find ANOTHER reason why he has behavioral/social issues. MORE of the same old crappo! I feel like we are wasting valuable time. Rather than try him in some other program to complete this year we will most likely homeschool him ourselves and meanwhile check out possible other options and therapies. I don't know. I will also be better able to tell what we might do after Noah has his formal evaluation.
She said she felt MANY things were going on with Noah...not just one...ANOTHER BIG DUH!!!!!!!!!!! YES...he has many issues...sensory integration...autistic tendencies....etc. I am not sure what else but she kept emphasizing the behavioral problems. Again....there are different reasons why kids have behavioral problems and I don't think this teacher is thinking it is stemming from any autistic portion. I think she is feeling it is something else. She once again referred to an SIED program which is NOT where Noah should be placed. That is for "emotionally disabled kids" and Noah is NOT emotionally disabled. I imagine the treatment and therapies used for those kids would be different than those for autistic kids....and perhaps she is forgetting that.
So...anyway
She said she felt MANY things were going on with Noah...not just one...ANOTHER BIG DUH!!!!!!!!!!! YES...he has many issues...sensory integration...autistic tendencies....etc. I am not sure what else but she kept emphasizing the behavioral problems. Again....there are different reasons why kids have behavioral problems and I don't think this teacher is thinking it is stemming from any autistic portion. I think she is feeling it is something else. She once again referred to an SIED program which is NOT where Noah should be placed. That is for "emotionally disabled kids" and Noah is NOT emotionally disabled. I imagine the treatment and therapies used for those kids would be different than those for autistic kids....and perhaps she is forgetting that.
So...anyway
Noah had a trying day again today. The teacher finally realizes I was right when I told her he could NOT be mainstreamed or perhaps even handle her small class. She gets that now she said. She said he has "extreme behavioral issues/lack of social skills". HELLO>?????? We have been trying to tell them that...but I guess they either did not believe us or did not get it. While she gets it now...I don't think she understands exactly where it is all coming from or how to deal with it. She is not really trained for that and that was my fear up front...even though I was assured this school could handle it. I know it will take a specialized program geared at someone like Noah and intense training...no school will be able to provide that. SO who knows where things might end up in the long run. I imagine he will try this for another week...and we will probably have to stop as he can be too disruptive even for her small class. He has made some progress but cannot be consistent. AND this teacher I think does not GET the fact that behavioral problems can be due to autistic problems...as she seems to already be trying to find ANOTHER reason why he has behavioral/social issues. MORE of the same old crappo! I feel like we are wasting valuable time. Rather than try him in some other program to complete this year we will most likely homeschool him ourselves and meanwhile check out possible other options and therapies. I don't know. I will also be better able to tell what we might do after Noah has his formal evaluation.
She said she felt MANY things were going on with Noah...not just one...ANOTHER BIG DUH!!!!!!!!!!! YES...he has many issues...sensory integration...autistic tendencies....etc. I am not sure what else but she kept emphasizing the behavioral problems. Again....there are different reasons why kids have behavioral problems and I don't think this teacher is thinking it is stemming from any autistic portion. I think she is feeling it is something else. She once again referred to an SIED program which is NOT where Noah should be placed. That is for "emotionally disabled kids" and Noah is NOT emotionally disabled. I imagine the treatment and therapies used for those kids would be different than those for autistic kids....and perhaps she is forgetting that.
So...anyway....
She said she felt MANY things were going on with Noah...not just one...ANOTHER BIG DUH!!!!!!!!!!! YES...he has many issues...sensory integration...autistic tendencies....etc. I am not sure what else but she kept emphasizing the behavioral problems. Again....there are different reasons why kids have behavioral problems and I don't think this teacher is thinking it is stemming from any autistic portion. I think she is feeling it is something else. She once again referred to an SIED program which is NOT where Noah should be placed. That is for "emotionally disabled kids" and Noah is NOT emotionally disabled. I imagine the treatment and therapies used for those kids would be different than those for autistic kids....and perhaps she is forgetting that.
So...anyway....
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Testing out contacts this next week. SO far I like them...although I notice I am getting blurry eyed periodically...maybe they are drying out. I have a really bad problem with dry eyes anyway. He said something about PLUGGING my eyes.....which sounds horrific but is painless I guess and lasts 2-5 years. We will see. I did my test and exam today and got some lenses to try for a week. So I feel like I am all blurry up close.....and have a hard time. Eventually I can focus...but it is almost like I have something in my eyes or covering the lenses a bit. To walk around and drive and all that it is great!! YES...I have bifocals in my glasses...not sure how that works with contacts...I also have some astigmatism. Anyway..so far I am loving it except for up close...which makes no sense....I mean supposedly I had bifocals to use for reading and computer work...I never or rarely ever used them for that. I usually found I could see better with them off. SO go figure. I guess it will take some adjusting...but like I said..for driving...TV.....long distance stuff and walking...they are great. For just running around.....I may have to take them out to type.
Noah had another trying day at school. They say sometimes behavior worsens before it improves...especially given all the changes he has undergone. MANY times he wanted things to go HIS way or NO way....I guess he had 2 major meltdowns where they had to remove the other kids from the class even and just let him cry and get over things. I guess he wanted to call his mommy and daddy about 4000 times the teacher said..hahah. That is a first. I guess he did not want anything to do with academics...so we will still be doing that here at home while they solely work on trying to improve his behavior and just adjusting to a classroom environment and teaching him how to behave in a classroom environment. I am not sure why he has such a hard time. He even hit his paraprofessional or pushed her...she did hold down his shoulder/arms and tell him "no...we don't do any hitting in here"...and he then said he was sorry and hugged her. SO..........I imagine they will give this a good trial...but if he disturbs the other kids too much I know eventually even this scenario won't work out and we will be homeschooling him anyway and just going to get his therapies somewhere or have them come into our home or something. He also apparently climbed on top of a bookshelf to try to leave the room....tried to knock over a barrier to the door to leave...he tried many times to get out of the room....but thankfully they stopped him and worked with him and he was safe.
Otherwise....it was cold and cloudy this morning...warmed up...came out from my eye exam and it was snowing. Now is sunny and warmer again. SO MUCH like COLORADO weather!!
Anyway...more frustrations.....should be getting used to it soon I would think...but the drama continues and it seems you never get used to it. I do hope Noah can be taught how to control himself in a setting like the classroom and they can teach him how to respond...the older he gets the harder it will be and then you sometimes cannot control them as they are just too big and strong physically.
So...more later. Much to do on this end now.
Noah had another trying day at school. They say sometimes behavior worsens before it improves...especially given all the changes he has undergone. MANY times he wanted things to go HIS way or NO way....I guess he had 2 major meltdowns where they had to remove the other kids from the class even and just let him cry and get over things. I guess he wanted to call his mommy and daddy about 4000 times the teacher said..hahah. That is a first. I guess he did not want anything to do with academics...so we will still be doing that here at home while they solely work on trying to improve his behavior and just adjusting to a classroom environment and teaching him how to behave in a classroom environment. I am not sure why he has such a hard time. He even hit his paraprofessional or pushed her...she did hold down his shoulder/arms and tell him "no...we don't do any hitting in here"...and he then said he was sorry and hugged her. SO..........I imagine they will give this a good trial...but if he disturbs the other kids too much I know eventually even this scenario won't work out and we will be homeschooling him anyway and just going to get his therapies somewhere or have them come into our home or something. He also apparently climbed on top of a bookshelf to try to leave the room....tried to knock over a barrier to the door to leave...he tried many times to get out of the room....but thankfully they stopped him and worked with him and he was safe.
Otherwise....it was cold and cloudy this morning...warmed up...came out from my eye exam and it was snowing. Now is sunny and warmer again. SO MUCH like COLORADO weather!!
Anyway...more frustrations.....should be getting used to it soon I would think...but the drama continues and it seems you never get used to it. I do hope Noah can be taught how to control himself in a setting like the classroom and they can teach him how to respond...the older he gets the harder it will be and then you sometimes cannot control them as they are just too big and strong physically.
So...more later. Much to do on this end now.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Noah's First Day at his New School
I cut myself off a minute ago and must have hit PUBLISH and did not mean to. Anyway....we will see how this goes...take it a day at a time the teacher said. I told her we went into this knowing it MIGHT NOT work. She said it was his first day...all new things...big transition...changes..etc. He had SO MUCH sensory input and overload by the time we picked him up he looked exhausted and like someone had sedated him. She said that was the best she had ever seen him sit all day. She said to keep him home in the mornings and bring him back to her then in the afternoons laughing. I told her the ONLY reason he was finally sitting was because he had been so over-stimulated in the morning he was now on his DOWN MODE. It would not work if I kept him home in the mornings and brought him in the afternoons.....he would get overloaded in her room in the afternoons and not listen. SO who knows. Maybe he will end up doing the Colorado Virtual Academy program...he can do it at home or we will just continue to homeschool him ourselves. He does well even though he has to be prompted a lot. But he does it...and accomplishes more than he ever has in a classroom setting in a school. We will see. BUT when Keith and I walked in to pick him up today and already saw the teacher sitting out front with him WAITING on us...we both got that all too familiar sick feeling in our stomach and feeling of dread. While trying to remain optimistic and positive....we are now in the back of our minds already thinking even this situation may not work out for Noah. AND I WILL NOT listen and say he is ever ADHD....as I truly do NOT believe that is his problem. He is definitely on the autistic spectrum somewhere and has sensory integration issues....and many times kids will be misdiagnosed with ADHD and it is not that. Makes me wonder if any public school setting is equipped to handle kids like Noah. I guess he must be an exceptional case.....as so far they seem like they never can get him to do what THEY want him to.
AND he tried to leave the classroom a couple of times....she said he got up to leave. That still worries me. I have told him and told him to stay with his teachers and IN the classroom. BUT......I wonder if it is actually even sinking in. I don't want to get a phone call saying he is missing.
SO many things to think about and worry about. No wonder my head is spinning 3/4th of the time and I cannot think clearly on anything else. No wonder I am exhausted all the time. Meanwhile I will plug along at my job.....full time....or try to.....and try to get things done here at home (packing and sorting to put things into storage and maybe place our condo up for sale). SO many things...
I at least am feeling better. I went for my physical. I have decided to take better care of ME for once. So far I am doing pretty well. I am happy my labs came back all very very good. Cholesterol was only 165 which is GREAT! My GOOD cholesterol was like 53 (supposed to be 40 or above) ...bad under 90 (supposed to be 100 or below ). My sugar level was great....and YES I am going through menopause....like I did not already know that. My weight management program (sounds so much better than a diet huh?) is going well. I am MANAGING it...following my plan and sticking to my goals. I did not get enough physical activity last week for plain walking...but I spent over 6 hours Saturday moving things around and packing and housework. I should think that counts toward my goal of 120 minutes per week or 20 minutes average per day. Tomorrow I get my eyes checked...Wed. is my mammogram...Thursday I go for physical therapy for my knee.
I better get off here and get some work done.
Later...
AND he tried to leave the classroom a couple of times....she said he got up to leave. That still worries me. I have told him and told him to stay with his teachers and IN the classroom. BUT......I wonder if it is actually even sinking in. I don't want to get a phone call saying he is missing.
SO many things to think about and worry about. No wonder my head is spinning 3/4th of the time and I cannot think clearly on anything else. No wonder I am exhausted all the time. Meanwhile I will plug along at my job.....full time....or try to.....and try to get things done here at home (packing and sorting to put things into storage and maybe place our condo up for sale). SO many things...
I at least am feeling better. I went for my physical. I have decided to take better care of ME for once. So far I am doing pretty well. I am happy my labs came back all very very good. Cholesterol was only 165 which is GREAT! My GOOD cholesterol was like 53 (supposed to be 40 or above) ...bad under 90 (supposed to be 100 or below ). My sugar level was great....and YES I am going through menopause....like I did not already know that. My weight management program (sounds so much better than a diet huh?) is going well. I am MANAGING it...following my plan and sticking to my goals. I did not get enough physical activity last week for plain walking...but I spent over 6 hours Saturday moving things around and packing and housework. I should think that counts toward my goal of 120 minutes per week or 20 minutes average per day. Tomorrow I get my eyes checked...Wed. is my mammogram...Thursday I go for physical therapy for my knee.
I better get off here and get some work done.
Later...
Noah
Noah had his first day at his new school today. When we went to pick him up the teacher was already sitting out front with him waiting on us. She looked exhausted. She said he had a pretty good day....was awfully excited and over-stimulated. He had a hard time sitting down and listening....disturbed some of the other kids I think. So she will move him to his quiet time/break area to sit at a seat himself tomorrow....hopefully he will get more done and the other kids too. He will come up for certain times of the day like reading I guess....and other things. Again I am not completely sure. But it once again (IF things stay that way) kind of defeats the purpose if he will be in a classroom but not really WITH the other kids. He has to take recess by himself.....now will be sitting by himself in the corner of the room....not sure how often he will actually get to interact with anyone. So he is to go back tomorrow.....and
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This website is part of the autism-assembly, this is a coalition of
members of the autistic community who share the common goal of seeking
acceptance for those on the autistic spectrum, who aim to educate about
autism, and who are not seeking a cure for autism. This is part of the
global autism rights movement.
