Dear Noah.......we made gingerbread cookies last night....

and had many eyes upon us........

The birds on top of the refrigerator....

Birthday peep....beside the oven....

we made leaves and pumpkins and cats and moons...

and tiny miniature gingerbread boys.....

we iced and sanded with sugars....

making beautiful fall leaf cookies......

and orange pumpkins.....

and sleepy gingerbread boys on the moon.....

it looked like fall in our kitchen......

YUM!

Dear Noah.......crying over spilled milk......literally

When I went to pick you up from school you came out with the aide and you acted odd. She motioned for me to come up closer so I wondered if maybe you had gotten into trouble or something else had happened. She started out saying "I am sure your mom won't get mad about this" and then proceeded to tell me you had another great day....till the final 2 minutes....when you realized your leftover milk in your lunch bag had spilled out in the lunch bag and was spilling out all over. You started to cry.....and I guess really cry....big sad tears...so they rushed you and the bag to the bathroom to clean it all up as best they could. You started to cry again really hard when the aide was telling me this. I felt so bad for you. I told you that I was not mad and it was only a lunch bag and if it smelled too much like sour milk or we could not get it clean we could just get another one. You still cried hard.....and I kept assuring you it would all be fine......it was no big deal....to calm down....etc.

As we walked back to the truck I asked you why this was upsetting you so much.....and you said you remembered your lunch bag from last year and how it had milk spilled in it so many times it started to smell sour no matter how often we cleaned it and we had to throw it away....etc. I am not sure why that mattered to you.....you did not seem upset about any of that at the time.

BUT this sent you over the top with big sad tears....and reminded me how over the top you can react over what most would deem totally insignificant or not worthy of even a second thought. This is where a difference in how you process and feel about things is striking....and yet I totally understand it and get it. I no longer think it anything all that odd or abnormal..it is just part of you and how you are. You are very deep and emotional and rarely reveal all the thoughts going on inside your head. SO I may not really know all the things you were thinking about in connection with this NEW lunch bag and the freshly spilled milk.

I got you calmed down and we went home.

Tonight you wanted a sleepover in my room again.....even if I was not going to be in there....and I know right now you probably need it.....but Opie crawled up into your bed and wanted to sleep with you in your bed......and that seemed to also make you happy. I want to have the sleepover with you but also know at the same time I cannot turn this into a normal thing.....because it took so long to get you to where you finally can sleep on your own and self-soothe and I know you really do need to be in your own bed and all the reasons why. BUT there are times we still do and will have sleepovers. Maybe I will crawl into YOUR bed tonight and surprise you and have a sleepover in YOUR room!

Meanwhile.....I wish I could make it where you did not get so emotional about some things that happen in your life. That worries me a bit....and I am not sure how to make it seem less troublesome to you. I know after I say about a million times "it is okay" you do and will eventually believe it and will be able to say it to yourself...and all will be okay no matter what. BUT that can take months to years.....

so we will keep plugging along.....because everything will be okay. I promise!

I love you Noah......sweet dreams my little man!

Mommy
XOXOX

Dear Noah.....things in your world are changing....

(Here you are at Fazoli's....another of your favorite places to eat......this was taken by your dad)

You had not eaten out for a long time so Sunday you decided you would like to so I took you to Kentucky Fried Chicken.  You like their CRISPY strips.   Well.....we got there and I had noticed the last time you got them they were actually ORIGINAL recipe strips so I figured they were making BOTH now and someone gave you the wrong ones by mistake.....and you ate them though I could tell you did not like them as well.

SO Sunday I ordered...I specifically asked for CRISPY strips.....and then informed me they no longer made the crispy strips...only the ORIGINAL and added "they are more flavor and taste!"  I thought to myself "who says?" but kept my mouth shut.

When you heard what the man said you started to cry....and I mean really cry hard.  I felt so bad for you.  You are limited in what you can eat anyway...and now we no longer have a Dominos Pizza.....and now your favorite KFC crispy chicken strips are no more.  I tried to calm you down.....told the man we did not want anything then.....and you decided to go for Wendy's.

I have since seen commercials where they indeed are no longer making the chicken strips CRISPY.....only original.  I wonder if they asked their customers if they preferred them original or crispy?  I doubt it.  I somehow think it is a money issue.....and something about the extra breading required for the crispy strips maybe.  WHO knows......but your world was once again shook up with a big hiccup in your food chain. 

In a way one might say this is good....as it forces you to eat other things......and not out at a restaurant.  You have been eating more at home.....but I know the same old things are not all that great to you sometimes.  KFC was a nice treat for you.  I have told you if they still make the crispy snackers I could order that and without anything as they use large chicken strips that are crispy for that and you would like them.  OR that you would probably like a chicken breast torn into pieces like the strips would be torn for you to eat.  You are thinking about it.

Right now you also have sores in your mouth.  After a lot of stress and not enough sleep I have noticed you will get those sometimes.  You have a huge one on the inside of the upper lip by your front teeth.  Needless to say it makes eating anything very difficult for you and even painful.

SO.....you have had some drama....and when we got home you said this...."I got so carried away crying that my ear is now all plugged up again!" and you started crying all over again.   You calmed down pretty quickly.....your ear has been plugging up off and on.....so I am trying to keep you with decongestant and stuff in your ears.  If this continues however you will have to see the doctor.  Again.

Meanwhile you had 2 sleepovers over the weekend.....in my room..........

We stayed home and did very little this weekend.....we did make 2 batches of gingerbread cookies.

and I love you  very much.

 

Mommy

XOXOX

Dear Noah.......you slept with SONIC last night......

Here you are.....sleeping with the Giant Sonic last night.......he takes up at least half the bed......and you have a Queen sized bed!  Here you are smiling as you touched him while falling asleep......

Here you are asleep...still smiling......SONIC is wide awake staring back at me!

I think the past couple of days you look a little out of sorts......almost like you are fighting off catching something...tired...something.  Your uncle Sonny thought you looked sad.  I then remembered you had a busy week going back to school and you sometimes act like this when you recover from a lot of stimulation.  SO I guess this is down time for you and you are a semi-walking zombie for awhile.

You  also hit and cut your head on grandma C's windows outside the back porch yesterday....and I know that had to hurt.

Today you are on your computer checking out all the towns and cities in Ohio on the map.....doing research....about villages.......where Annie Oakley lived.......was born.....etc.   Whenever I ask "WHY?" you always tell me the same..."because my mind wants to."   You used to always say "I don't know" so I am very happy to hear you give another reason....and try to explain the urges you have and why you have them.

Meanwhile.....we have a 3-day weekend coming up......Ohio State just BEAT Youngstown......and the weather seems to be very nice.

I love you Noah.....sweet dreams!

 

Mommy

XOXOX

Noah getting Sonic OUT of the box!

Dear Noah........your BIG SURPRISE!

Today when I picked you up from school I told you a big surprise was waiting at home for you.  A very nice young woman who reads your blog read about you not winning a Sonic the Hedgehog at our county fair.  She went to her fair (in another state entirely) and played a different game....and WON A GIANT SONIC THE HEDGEHOG for YOU!  She had to play the game THREE times to win the prize and she passed up winning a BIKE just to choose instead this Giant Sonic the Hedgehog. 

Today the box arrived....

Now you can see how LARGE the box is.......

When you got home.....you could not wait to open it and see what was inside......it took forever to get this Sonic OUT of the box.....his head was as large as the box was!  I will upload a movie clip of the Sonic in a minute....but here are a couple of quick pictures....of you with Sonic....

He is HUGE!!!!!!!  The pictures do not show him off as well as the movie clip probably will...so I will upload it next.  ANYWAY.....a HUGE THANKS TO YOU KRISTINA for such a grand expression of kindness and thoughtfulness....Noah thanks you very very much!

Dear Noah........today will be the end of your first week in school......

And you have done very well.  You are enjoying it and have much better ethics this year when it comes to getting ready for school and being ready to leave on time without much if any prompting on my part.....you are finally starting.......slowly...to do things on your own that  you know you have to do without my asking you to......in order to be ready to go to school.   That is impressive to me.......

Here are a couple of photos of you your father took while you two were together.

 

Yes....you love looking at toilets at Lowes.......along with all their appliances......washers.....dryers.......refrigerators......ovens......etc.  So your dad and you took a trip to Lowes over the weekend while he was here to check things out.

Otherwise......we are heading into a 3-day weekend already.....can you believe September is next week??

I love you Noah!

 

Mommy

XOXOX

Dear Noah.......open house and your first day of school...

Monday night was OPEN HOUSE....and the weather was nice and cool outside.  Parents and children gathered around the front door to the school like they were attending some grand premiere.  It was sort of funny actually...and at the same time I was still impressed with the NUMBER of parents who actually turned out  with their kids for the open house.

Here you are standing in line waiting to go in and meet your teachers.

Once inside we went upstairs to see your classroom and meet your teachers.  WOW....you actually got a classroom this year that has a window air conditioner AND fans.  WHAT a nice cool room and nice teachers.   Here you are waiting to meet the teacher in your classroom.

You took your camera along and were busy snapping photos of the classroom.  I did not take my camera because I never think they appreciate us taking photos but it would probably have been fine.  I have forgotten to check your camera for photos I could use!

There are 2 teachers and an aide in your classroom this year.   This is VERY good news and nice.  Your seat was in the front row.....beside a girl and close to a former boy classmate you like.   I forget who was on the other side.   You will go to different classrooms for math and social studies/science along with the rest of your class.  I guess they start preparing you for going to different classes for different subjects early these days!  Your science room was also nice and cool and looked like you would have a lot of fun!  Same for math.  I am VERY excited this year about your attending school and felt even better once I saw the classrooms and met the teachers!  You also had no more trouble-makers in your classroom.....well...maybe one  you said.  He sits in the back and always tries to coerce you if you are in the  bathroom at the same time he is....into peeing into different areas other than the stall toilet or urinals.  I asked you WHERE he suggested you pee (figuring it was the sink or trash can and I am sure his goal was to get YOU into trouble for being caught doing it or telling on you then)...but you said you did not know because you did not take time to listen to him.  You went to the stall and locked the door.  When I asked what you said back to him you said NOTHING and ignored him.  I am so thankful you are doing this and I hope and pray you can continue to avoid kids like that and ignoring them....and avoiding those kinds of problems no kid needs or needs to be exposed to.   Of course you never tell on kids like that.....so the teachers are probably not even aware he does those things.  I am hoping he will NOT do that again this year.

Here you are the morning of your first day.  You got up more than early enough and were ready to leave a full hour earlier than you needed to be.  I guess you were very anxious.   When I asked you what you were most excited about...you replied "seeing all my friends again and playing with them!"  WOW.....I am so happy for you and thankful.  You have been through many times in the past when you did not even WANT to be around other kids let alone play with them or even have them look at you! 

You dad did not make it after all to send you off for the day....but you said that you were not too disappointed about that. 

Off we went...and I walked with you to the front door where I have gotten advance permission to drop you off.  IN you went with a BIG smile on your face, carrying a huge bag of your school supplies. 

At the end of the day your father and I went to pick you up.  I have to say I was so much more impressed with how the school handled everything this year.  The children were so quiet and orderly when it came time to walk to the bus lines or leaving the building.  EVERYTHING was so much more organized and just BETTER. 

Here you finally came.  The teachers said you had a great day....as you did yourself.   We took you to Kentucky Fried Chicken where I began to ask you for more details about your day.  IN the past you would not be able to answer any questions we asked you about your school days.....always answering with "I don't know's."  OR you would tire quickly after successfully answering 1-2 questions and have a FIT or meltdown if we asked you anything else.

NOW.......WOW.  You talked and talked and answered many questions and offered up information we did not even ask you about.   I am so proud of  you and thankful you are making such progress!

Once home I unloaded your backpack.  (OH...Your SONIC backpack arrived while you were in school Tuesday and so did your SONIC T-shirt so those were nice surprises for you when you got home).

Inside your backpack I found a stack of papers I had to go through...and a copy of your SPRING 2008 Achievement test from earlier this year when you were still in 3rd grade.   I was AMAZED to see your scores.   OFF the charts for reading and reading comprehension.....you scored in the high end of the ADVANCED section.   You were in the ACCELERATED section for math.   I mean it was incredible to see these scores!

I went back and looked at your former evaluations and flipped through your 3-inch thick medical file......and glanced over former evaluations and results and test scores....and remembered when you had ZERO comprehension, NO speech/language........and you were like in the 3% range of where you should be.  THIRD percent!???  AND NOW.....you are in ADVANCED!  Your deficits were off the charts....and you were WELL below even the lowest average for your age.  In fact...you were about 2 years below your biological age for even gross motor development and fine motor skills development.  

To see you NOW.....and how well you can talk.....how well you can read....and UNDERSTAND what you are reading.....how much stronger physically you have become... what you can now do where before you could not.....blows me away.  ANYONE looking through your chart before and seeing you NOW would not recognize you anymore.  You have made such tremendous progress!  OFF the charts progress!   Homeschooling, your therapies, just working one-on-one with you at home on many things.....and being around family since moving back to my home state.......as well as public school last year and now again this year.....have worked wonders in your life.   I stand back and watch you and see how you interact and what you say to others....and you are just so THERE already....YOU are ready......just to be a part of everything and the group and with your peers.  A day I wondered if we would ever see.

YET you are still very much YOU....true to yourself...retaining your ability to sometimes display affection and emotion much younger than your age and peers......but so endearing and loving.....nothing fake or phony....so genuine.....and I give thanks to GOD that He is blessing you and you are succeeding and progressing and becoming quite a most amazing young man.

Goodnight Noah.....have sweet dreams and rest up for another exciting day tomorrow. 

And to any other parent out there wondering if your child will ever be able to DO IT or make any progress.....please just don't give up on them.  I hope our story offers "hope" to many.   Find what works best for your child's specific needs and just go with it.   Most of Noah's big moments of progress were NOT overnight successes.  MANY took months and even YEARS to get to the point of where he is today.  I mean some of the most basic things a child can learn or do!  Some such as toileting issues he still struggles with today but he is getting there!!

SO just keep plugging along.....keep trying.   Rest up and take good care of yourself so you will have the energy and patience to keep trying over and over and over again.   Spend time with your child.....lots of one-on-one is HUGE.   AND lots of LOVE. 

And GOD I give you all the praise and glory because I do realize without your blessings and direction in our lives we would not even be where we are today....I am not enough of an idiot to believe this is all my doing.....and THANK YOU for giving me this amazing little boy to begin with.....such a joy he is and precious to me.   I KNOW you will use him one day to make a positive impact in the world. HOW do I know this? Because you already are.

I love you very much Noah.....forever I will...

Mommy

XOXOX

Dear Noah.....your visit with your dad so far....

Is going pretty well. He arrived on Saturday afternoon and wanted to take you and me out to dinner together....but I could tell you would rather it just be him and you alone together so I offered that option to you which you accepted pretty quickly! Then you could not wait to leave the house and get on the road and back to his hotel to start your long weekend with him.



You were also impressed with his car rental...he does always seem to get a brand new nice car each time. Maybe car renting times have changed over the years?



You called me Saturday night before bedtime. I also talked to you Sunday morning/afternoon for a bit. You sounded like you were having a very good time. Every so often on the phone when you two were driving in the car I could hear you tell me "just a minute mommy" and then you telling your dad "it's 65 MPH through here"......yes.....YOU are very good at telling the driver the correct speed limit to go on different roads....where to turn.....where to go...etc. You will make an excellent driver one day!

The thing that impressed me the most listening to you talk on the phone was how well you enunciated all your words in your sentences.....but at the same time you sounding so very much like about a 5-year-old little boy. It was very sweet....you talking so plainly now that anyone could understand you....such a FAR cry from when it was all garbly goop at best and even I had a difficult time understanding you. You really impressed me but it also tugged at my heart because you sounded so small and tiny on the other end of the phone.

Opie and I are holding our own back at Fort Home. I have to admit I feel totally lost without you here...which always surprises me and catches me off guard a bit. Since you were born you have always been with me.....we always do everything together. I mean you even go with me to MY doctor appointments if you are not in school. SO this is very new to me...and I felt like my biggest reason ....for even being alive was missing. Here I finally had time to do whatever I wanted....but I did not feel like doing too much of anything. I honestly did not know what to do.

I realized since you were born I just dove right into living my life FOR YOU ..to be your advocate...to help you succeed and be the best you could be..so one day you could be Mr. Independent and able to do well for yourself and others. I think somewhere along the way I may have lost sight of myself. I am not complaining. I know I am still here. I know who I am...what I want..what I don't want....what I need. I have just been simmering on the back burner keeping warm.....

Many people including myself will oftentimes sit back and ask themselves "what is my purpose for even being alive?" "WHY are we here?"

I think our PURPOSE can change throughout our lives. I think it is natural for most moms to sort of give up themselves to devote to raising their kids when they have any. THEN when the child leaves the nest one day...they probably go through what I did this weekend; feeling sort of lost....not sure what to do......not quite remembering much of anything about themselves anymore.

It is great if you can keep the two separate and yet together in the same life.....but I find that hard to do though I am getting better at it. I think it is important that you see I have specific likes and dislikes or hobbies and activities I do. We are now at a point in our lives where I have some "time" again where I can actually allow some of those things for ME to creep back into our day-to-day living. It has been a long time coming....so I imagine I will flounder around like a fish out of water for awhile. BUT I know without a doubt it will all come together. It always does. Our lives are really falling into place very nicely....and you are becoming quite an amazing young man.

I do miss you and look forward to seeing you later today. Until then.......Opie and I send our love!




Mommy
XOXOX

Dear Noah.....your upcoming visit with your dad.....

is fast approaching. Last night you were laying things out on the bed you wanted to take with you to the hotel. We have a list.

I told you I would miss you a lot (you will only be gone a couple of days and I may even see you during those days).....but I said I would miss you...and you leaned over....hugged me and said "Well I won't miss you at all!"

I was taken aback because I thought for sure you were going to say you would miss me too...but then remembered you have always been this way....and being away from me has NEVER bothered you.

When I pretended to be a little hurt by this to you to see how you would react.....you changed your missing me to "well....I will miss you VERY LITTLE!"

(like that was an improvement?) hee hee.

I am thankful in a way you are more aloof to these things...and I bet you will miss being at home if nothing else.....and away from your PC and Opie!

I love you regardless.....and do hope you have a good time with your dad this weekend and next few days and that you remain safe at all times.

Mommy

XOXOX

Dear Noah........Model T Ford Museum.......

on our way back from Indiana yesterday we stopped to see the Model T Ford Museum. Once inside there was so much glare from the sun coming through the windows the photos all turned out pretty bad.....but you enjoyed checking out all the old cars and gasoline pumps.

Here are a couple of photos....







school day is approaching!

I love you Noah......

Mommy
XOXOX

Dear Noah......Fair Fun.....

 

You had a blast on day #3 at the fair this year with your cousin and a friend.  You saw THREE of your classmates at the fair and one of your former teachers.  You were so excited about all of that!  We saw some animals again and you got to race down the giant slide and ride the merry-go-round .....and play putt putt golf.....and LOTS and LOTS of Skeeball.......but you did not win anything.  Here you are looking so sad about that...and tired.

Here you are thinking and watching the girls ride the bumper cars...

You had a good time....and seemed a lot more subdued than normal.  I think you were tired too.....and you seemed very reflective throughout the day.  Maybe I am weird but I like these reflective shots of you...and often wonder what you are thinking.  Like the shot above....I see your face and your hands....and take notice that your hands still look so much like they did when you were very very small...maybe 2-3 years old....the little dimples/indentations are still there where the knuckles will one day be....and you just seem so little and small and childlike.  I imagine I will always see my little boy when I see such photos as the one above......when certain things will stand out and still look like when you were a toddler......at least to me.  I still see this little guy there....even though you are definitely growing up. 

Like this picture of you when you were in kindergarten.   If you look closely on the top of your head in this shot you can see the giant bald spot where you used to pull your hair out....it got so bad the entire top of your hair was all gone except for little stubs...and you looked like a monk.  You would sit and twirl and twirl your hair until it got knots in it.....and then you would rip it all out.  But check out that cute little smile...and face...and hands....I still see this in you even now.

I think I always will to some degree.  Guess that is just a "mommy/parent" thing.

I am glad you handled the fair and noises and all the stimuli so well.  In the past there would have been NO WAY I could have taken you to anything like a fair.

I love you bunches Noah!

 

Mommy

XOXOX

thanks for another award....from Brandy

over at Brandy's blurbs - click title for link

Dear Noah.....you have been pretty busy the past couple of days!

Well Friday was our big garage sale! You DID sell your bicycle and a game you had put out for the sale.....you did very well the entire day but were very disappointed when cousin Audrey did not really seem all that interested in playing with you.

Your uncle Sonny and his grandson Wesley stopped by the sale and they mentioned they might go to the county fair that night. I have always wanted to take you the fair AT NIGHT at least once.....and the weather was GORGEOUS for a fair. Nice and cool......almost like fall. SO they called.....we went and met them over at the fairgrounds and walked around together. You played some Skeeball and putt putt with me. You then found the new GIANT SLIDE and decided you wanted to try that. The first time the lady let you go down it for free since we did not have a ticket. Then you loved it so much you wanted to go up and down it like 20 times so we bought you a wristband so you could ride all the rides as often as you wanted. You must have went up and down that slide at least 20 times! You had a ball! You also saw a booth where you throw darts to win a GIANT SONIC the Hedgehog!!

(This is how the slide was at our fair but this is NOT the slide as I did not take my camera)

We checked out the animals....and bought grandma C. some waffles and kettle korn. We headed home and it was almost 11:15 before we got there. It was a GREAT TIME!

Saturday morning I worked but then we stopped over that afternoon/early evening to see grandma C. and take her the kettle korn and waffles. UNCLE SONNY and his wife showed up and it was funny because we had just seen them the night before! He was hungry for ice cream and wanted to run to the store to get it. He asked you to ride along with him. While at the store he was trying to get you something you might like for a snack to take back....but you kept saying NO to all the choices and offers. Finally you walked away and came back and DID place an item into the cart....and patted it looking up at Sonny. He said he had to laugh because it was a 17.00 ATLAS! He asked if there was a CHEAPER one! haha...you said NO. BUT you did put it back.....(but we did stop on the way home and I let you buy it anyway...it is a 2009 and you made money at the garage sale).

SUNDAY morning we decided to go BACK to the FAIR and see all the booths and animal exhibits....and nothing else......so we did. Since I have a pass now all I have to do is wave it to the men at the front and we can keep on going. We had another great time checking out all the animals and booths.

We then came home for a break after hitting up Wal*Mart for your cookies you like. THEN we headed to INDIANA .....

to go to CiCi's Pizza since you discovered Richmond, IN has one and you love their pizza. You ate FIVE pieces of pizza!

THEN off to WEBB's ANTIQUE mall and WARM GLOW CANDLE shop to check out some things. Back in Ohio we stopped at Kroger's to do our shopping and then home.

Warm Glow Candle store

Warm Glow Candle now has a CAFE inside it too....where they sell sandwiches and coffees and teas and ice cream. VERY cool!

You fell off your chair in your room once yesterday and then off the bed last night again....and you really banged yourself up the last time....squatting on the footboard facing the bed and drawing....you fell backwards. Man did you cry! I put cold compresses all over the banged up areas...and this morning they look much better!

Today, MONDAY we will be heading to the fair again. Your Aunt Melissa and cousin Audrey will be coming over and she is bringing a friend. You are very excited about that!

THIS SATURDAY your father is coming in to visit for a few days so you are super excited about that. AND then TUESDAY you will be heading back to school already!!!!!!! Can you believe that????

This post was long....and sorta makes one tired probably reading it. BUT I am determined to cram as many fun things in your last few days of summertime as I can!

I love you Noah....to the moon and back again and again and again.......forever I will!

And Noah...I thought it was so sweet that during the garage sale you saw a yellow Pokeman stuffed character for sale and you grabbed it thinking your school classmate McKenzie would like it....how sweet and thoughtful that was...to get something you know she would like to give to her this year. I do hope and pray she is in your class because you like her a lot and you both have so much in common!

Mommy

XOXOX

Will be posting soon!

Been busy here....Noah and I hit the fair Friday night....going again this morning...and probably tomorrow.

MORE later.

Thanks to Marie6 for another award....check sidebar for link to her blog.

Hope everyone has a good day!

Dear Noah......your thoughts on committing suicide.....

We took a trip to see Grandma C. today......it was so nice outside so we all sat outside on the lawn chairs and you in the swing...it was very nice! While outside grandma mentioned something about a man committing suicide....and you interrupted and wanted to know if he had a WEAPON....if he committed suicide with a weapon.

Grandma said yes.......you had this smirky look on your face...right now weapons seem to sort of fascinate you.

I asked you if you knew what suicide meant......you did. You said it is when someone kills themselves. I asked you where you heard about it......you said it was just "in your mind".....an answer you give to me frequently.

You then told about ANOTHER way someone could commit suicide.......and that was BY A TRAIN! You had seen online on a RR site you go to all the time ...someone mentioning about a man who apparently committed suicide by walking into the path of a train.

I tell you that is NOT a good thing to do and I asked you if you understood that. You said you did.....but with the same breath you then said if you could make it where you had like MANY lives....like 9 or 10.....or more like characters on your videogames....you would take your life......I guess to "see what it was like?" (your thinking you would still have 8 lives left....etc.....no big deal).

I don't really understand this and hope this semi-infatuation fades quickly. I know while you can give me the definition of what committing suicide means....I still don't think you totally grasp the concept behind death and killing...etc. I also let you know this did not make me feel very comfortable hearing you talk like this.

You have also been mentioning a lot lately how you wish you could invent a TIME TRAVEL machine....so you could go to different places and see things (mainly toilets and restaurants or parks) you have been to before in the past or in the future as an adult man. I find that fascinating and told you to study hard in science and math!

I know you wish someone were here and living here with a gun.....because you have told me many times you would feel safer because they could then just shoot and kill an intruder.

I know kids are fascinated with guns and such...especially boys......BUT I pray to GOD you avoid accidents and getting involved in things you shouldn't....especially when you may not understand them very well.

I love you Noah.....but you make me a little nervous sometimes.......for YOU.....not me.

Mommy
XOXOX

Dear Noah....JUST DO IT!!

When you have to go POOP I wish you would just STOP whatever it is you are doing.....and "JUST DO IT" as the Nike commercial tells us all!

You have developed a new trend. I know this is a phase and I hope and pray it will be short-lived. So far it has been going on now for at least a month or longer.

You get busy in the day...playing your computer games or whatever. You get the urge to poop...but instead of taking the time to go right then......you try to HOLD IT. THEN because you try to hold it....and are squeezing your tiny butt together so tightly.....you actually have something trapped up inside there that needs wiped off.......but instead of even taking time to do that.......you instead just take all your pants off....and sit naked with your butt cheeks squeezed and held tightly together.

NINE times out of TEN when I go to your room to ask you something.....get something...etc......I find you there with your shirt on but your pants around your knees or ankles or off entirely and tossed aside on the floor. I guess you are afraid you will soil your undies....so rather than do that.....you remove the clothing closest to the source of soiling.

WHENEVER I see you like this.....I tell you to STOP and go wipe your butt and get your clothes back on. You say OKAY.....but it makes no difference how often I tell you...you still do the same thing again the next time you get the urge to poop, like usually within the hour....because you really need to go pass something!

Now thankfully you still go often enough to keep things moving in any given day.......but meanwhile you have probably oh......at least 10 episodes or more each day where you "feel" you need to WIPE your butt......but not enough to go sit on the toilet and pass anything.....sometimes you just feel your butt needs wiped.....but there isn't anything there at all.

This is reminiscent of the not too distant past when you would call on me to come wipe your butt all the time.....after a bowel movement or just any time the urge struck and you felt your butt needed wiped. I always wondered WHY you had a little residue left all the time on your butt. NOW I KNOW......you try to HOLD IT.....it is not because everything will not pass...you won't allow it all to come out!

I have told you this will make your butt sore....which it has in the past.....the importance of GOING to the bathroom when you have to go.....especially when the toilet is within your eyesight. I mean it is not like you HAVE to hold it for any reason. Our toilet is right there.

I know this will be yet another learning curve for you in this BIG journey of toilet training issues you have had in your life......and I know it will take countless repetitions of me reminding you to GO TO THE BATHROOM.......and to not wait......to stay clean....and to keep your pants on.

I can only hope you pick up on this sooner than later. I know in the past it has taken YEARS for you to acquire and accomplish the next level of toilet training issues you have faced.

When I call you for dinner I will hear you say "Okay but I have to go wipe my butt first!"
When I go to take you some lunch......you will have to go wipe your butt first.
Before bed.....I find you sitting with no pants on needing to go wipe your butt.

Over and over again many times throughout the day this little scenario plays out.

I have reminded you that while in school or around other people or in public.....etc.....ANYwhere but home (and even that we need to curb)....you CANNOT BE WITHOUT YOUR PANTS ON YOUR BODY.....

I did notice at the dentist on Monday while she was cleaning your teeth you had your hand stuck down in your shorts.....because the dental hygienist saw it and pulled your hand out of your pants and teasingly to "get your hand out of there!" You just smiled big.

Otherwise.......you had a good day today I think. Getting you out of your room to do anything with me lately is work. I don't know why.....but you don't seem too overly interested in spending a lot of time with me.

I love you......tomorrow I may count how many times you do the wiping of your butt. Of course if I plan on counting it.....this means you will probably not do it much at all!

I love you Noah!

Mommy XOXOX

Cox Arboretum....Butterfly House......

if you would like to see some of the photos we saw at the Butterfly House yesterday...please go check out my photo blog at:

PHOTOGRAPHY FOR DUMMIES

Dear Noah........a busy Monday!

Today you had a dentist appointment at Children's Medical Center. I told you we would leave early so I could take you to breakfast at Cracker Barrel. You were excited about that.

This morning you woke up super early however....3:30 a.m. (I was asleep on the sofa getting ready to get up to do some makeup work for Friday) and I asked you what was wrong. You said you had a bad dream. You then proceeded to tell me about some BAD MEN who tried to break in and a security system we had in our house and the bad men broke your security......on and on the details poured out. You were too afraid to go back in your room to sleep.....you wanted to go into mine. BUT I was not even in my room and I was getting up for the day. SO I asked if you would like to lie down on the sofa and you said yes. You slept very well once there.

SO we get up and leave and have a nice breakfast. BUT as usual afterwards on our way to the dentist clinic in the hospital even with my GPS we got turned around because of detours and such. EVERY time we go down there this happens....After hearing the voice on the GPS say "recalculating" like a million times as we turned down yet another incorrect street.....I could have yanked the thing off the windshield and tossed it.....and I was so upset but trying NOT to get too upset especially in front of you as that only makes you more upset. SO I leave the GPS on in the background and call the hospital. Your appointment is now like 5 minutes away and they do not allow you to be late. SO here I am in some parking lot in downtown Dayton area.....and spewing out my frustrations at the ladies in the dentist clinic who actually found my dilemma quite hilarious.....and I suppose it was. BUT I explained to them I am so tired of this happening..no matter what time my appointment is......there are always so many construction issues and detours we never get there on time......and they asked where I was......I said I had no clue.... Since I was raising my voice and getting frustrated YOU got very upset and started crying....then holding your crotch afraid you would not get to a bathroom in time as you really had to pee you said.....sigh....

....then they heard my GPS in the background..so knew where I was......and then as the GPS directed me they reassured me that was the way to go....and I would not get into trouble for being late if I was but they said I was right around the corner.....and yes I was. We arrived still ON TIME....I was amazed. They were laughing the entire way.......and I am thankful they just did not hang up on me!

We got there....you have GREAT teeth...NO cavities again.......but you have HUGE issues with the stuff the need to do in your mouth. You cannot handle the squirting in and sucking out of the water. You kept asking for a STANDARD cup to rinse and spit but they said they do not do it that way there. You started to cry.....even though I was back there with you. SO they said they would wet these little gauze pads and wipe your teeth and then give you some water to swallow. That worked well and you calmed back down.

We got the teeth cleaned......the dentist said to wait a little longer to even begin to think about getting braces or some type of device to straighten your front teeth. He said the outcome would be the same whether we do it now or later when hopefully you could handle it better. So we will wait. UNLESS it bothers you in school and/or someone starts making fun of you.

After the dentist you played in the play area at the hospital for awhile. Then off to Cox Arboretum to the Butterfly House. We saw some amazing butterflies.

Then I took you to Fazoli's for lunch......and then home! On the way home we passed an ELK FARM....so I had to turn around and snap a few of those magnificent creatures!

Then turned toward home again........when not too far down the road a deer ran right out in front of our truck when we were going at least 55 MPH with another truck coming towards us.......I could not believe this...and tapped the brakes just hard enough to slow down just enough to miss it!! I could not swerve toward the ditch as it was going that way.....and I could not swerve the other direction as the truck on the other side of the road was right there.

I thank GOD literally we made it safely through that and the deer did too! TALK about close!

HOME now....I have since mowed the grass and showered...now to work more makeup hours for Friday...the day of our big garage sale and other stuff!

I LOVE YOU.......you did great today! I will post some pics tomorrow of the butterfly house and the ELK!

AND DON'T get me wrong. I am THANKFUL for my GPS.....it is one of the best investments I have ever made.....it just cannot seem to tell me how to easily get to Children's Medical Center if I take the highway....or maybe it does....but I can't seem to follow her directions clearly :(

Mommy
XOXOXOX

thanks to a comment from STACEY T Noah will have a SONIC backpack for school!

I decided to go check out the link Stacey T left about a Sonic the Hedgehog backpack on Ebay.....and even though it was in Bangkok, Thailand....the seller has excellent ratings and the price was reasonable so I used the BUY IT NOW option and got it for Noah. It seems a little small but he has a backpack here at home with the same dimensions so it should work okay. Here is what it looks like. I was hoping to get him a BLUE and BLACK bag this year....he had a red and black one last year....but it really makes no difference and Noah loves it.




AND......THE SAME seller was selling all sorts of SONIC t-shirts and stuff....so Noah picked out ONE Sonic T-shirt for now..because the shipping on the shirt is almost as much as the shirt.....here is the one he picked out for now. They also had some long-sleeved shirts but he gets so hot even in winter so he likes short-sleeved shirts sometimes even in winter inside the school.....so this is the one he picked out:

Yes....he likes bright colors!




SO this means the sonic patch I can put on a pair of his jeans......a LONG-sleeved tee....or a hat. Maybe even his winter coat.

SO THANKS SO MUCH STACEY T for sending the link! Noah is very happy and even though I am out a bit of money....it is not much more than I would be out paying for a backpack from K-Mart of Wal*Mart.

THANKS AGAIN!