Noah's Progress

"At first I was excited, then happy, then I felt proud, and then I went back to normal, and in the end I was sad."

This is HUGE for Noah.....as it took me nearly 2 years for him to LEARN emotions and what they mean and how they LOOK on someone's face etc. He had no clue what HAPPY or SAD meant let alone how they looked...it took at least 2 years of prompting and looking at lots of emotion pictures and using them before he caught on and he still occasionally misreads things.

BUT to then take those and COMMUNICATE to me how he feels about something is taking things a step further. FINALLY at almost 8 years old he is able to do it and he does it pretty well.....though sometimes he still wants to act out instead of using his words to express how he feels about something. I have noticed more lately he will express instead how he feels with his words...which is HUGE progress for him.

I found what he said about how he felt at the end of Thanksgiving Day was pretty amazing coming from him. I had asked him what he thought about our party that day and having everyone over...etc. I guess it ended with him feeling sad because everyone had to go home and he would have preferred they all stayed.

Anyway......just wanted to share that :sledding: (I love this kid sledding)

Dear Noah:

well......we may be doing a Christmas tree trimming party.......lots to think about

Dear Noah:

Well lots of hand flapping and body slamming later we have officially made it through our big Thanksgiving bash!

more later

love you

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

HAPPY TURKEY DAY! I LOVE YOU!

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

So we are getting things ready for the big Thanksgiving Day bash we are holding here as mommy is cooking dinner this year for our family.

Should be exciting......

i love you

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

well 2 days ago you lost it. We were talking....well YOU were talking to me about wanting to go to Fazoli's for supper....this was Friday night and I said no......but you had been trying to explain something about driving there...I did not understand what you were saying. You got very upset very very quickly.......and all of a sudden lunged at me......growling with mouth open and hands raised......like you were going to try biting me on the forehead or nose. THE ONLY thing that stopped you from that moment of over-the-top rage and frustration was the fact that I reached up and grabbed your upper arms and held you away from me. Otherwise I think before you would have even realized what you had done you would have bit me. I was stunned......we went over this and over this........and you do not understand why you react that way sometimes....you just do.

I told you that you HAD to learn GOOD behavior and what was acceptable......or else you would get into some real trouble in life......and if things ever got to where I could not control you.....I would not know what might happen. I know the older you get this is an area of concern for me. That is why I am pushing for you to learn more socially acceptable skills now while young.

YOU normally do very well with calming down and not getting to that point like you did Friday night......but something in you snapped. This is a bit scary.

Anyway......since then....you do try to explain how your mind works which I find fascinating. Like when I tell you to do something or ask you WHY you do something....you will say "because my mind can't think about that ...it is too busy thinking about traffic lights" (which is your current big obsession). This does make sense because I have had adult autistics explain it that way......there is just too much going on in your brain to allow you to listen to me really well sometimes.

Sometimes I can tell you to go get something and you are so OUT OF TUNE with paying attention to the CURRENT moment and me......you go off like in a fog...wandering around aimlessly.....till I have to really talk firmly and give you step-by-step directions.

Anyway..........I try to set a good example for you by also not losing my temper or getting too mad in front of you. I have been able to count on one hand that number to date. However......I did lose my temper the other night....which I always feel horrible about..........so it bothers me immensely that the number of times I could count might possibly have to branch out to a second hand.

SO we will work through this together. You remind me to calm down and I remind you. You said we BOTH needed a calm down book. You could be right.

i love you

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

Well we went to the Lighted Horse Parade. I was a bit disappointed but you seemed to enjoy it. A couple of boys came over to where you stood and they seemed to really get into you. You all 3 had a good time. They were nice kids. One thing about a small town....most everyone is very very nice and friendly.

We came home and made rolled out gingerbread cookies......it is now time for bed.

More later

i love you

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

I had a big oversized adorable Teddy bear I put on my bed the other night. When you came in to wake me up (yes role reversal now on this new schedule I keep) you said the cutest thing...you said "oh I see you had a little company last night!" hahahah...you always said that to me.....when you did not want to sleep alone......"I want a little company"...and when I said you had your stuffed bears and doll or whatever.....you would cry back "but they are not real".

Last night you decided to take BIG TEDDY off my bed and into your room......as you carried him out into your room you said "ahhhhhh......more to love"............and you smiled.

see.....you understand life's greatest treasure already.........

love

:X

Dear Noah:

our life is coming along nicely. We are settling in......your room is really coming together......and you are already lovin it more.

Life is good......it is what you make it.......you may as well enjoy it!

i love you and will forever

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

we are going to try to finish your room today. Hopefully we can!

love you lots!

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

Well......we have been working on your room today. I decided it was high time to get you more settled into your room where you could get your toys out more easily.....your books.....etc. I decided to put the 5 foot table I got from K-mart into your room rather than the office for now. I will get another one for the office area. YOU need your room done. This offers you more space for your computer and a work area too.....I got 2 sets of shelves up in there and we are putting your books away. It is looking good. Your piano is now on it's stand and can be left out all the time so you can play it anytime you want. You are already feeling more comfy in there and I am thankful we will have it done likely tomorrow or the next day.

I am going to finish putting some things away tonight......and clean up. I will finish getting the rest of your books and stuff out tomorrow. AND deciding for sure where everything will go. We are at least making your room functional which is a MUST....and long overdue. I am also working in the office/arts/craft room.......going to finish setting that up. I am happy finally because things are taking shape! IT is about time. I wanted to get this done for a long time....but definitely before this weekend......most of it....and the rest BEFORE Thanksgiving comes around.

I know now we will meet our goal so that is good news. Not sure about curtains and new bedding but it will be very very presentable and more comfy for you to be in.

Okay....back to it.

love you lots.....

mommy :XXX

Dear Noah:

Saturday night is the Lighted Holiday Horse Parade......sounds like it will be a blast...we are going......your cousin Audrey and a couple of aunties might also be there...should be fun. Hope we can get a great place to sit......and I can take some sort of pictures. Unfortunately my camera that I did have to take movies too are now broken....sigh.

anyway.......you said you did not want to see Santa who is coming in the parade.....because "I am not done with my Christmas list yet!"

okay then.

love you

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

hey there...I think one of my posts for a day or two is missing...not sure how that happened....but I have been posting every day.

Oh well....no matter.

Grandma C. just stopped by.....she was in town. We are going to go to her house for supper. You are MORE than excited as we have not been out for a long time since I have been sick.

Love you lots!

MOMMY :x

Dear Noah:

Lately if you get upset about something you grab your doodle pad......stomp off to your room and write me a MESSAGE about whatever it is upseting you and you use lots and lots of EXCLAMATION points to make your exasperation known! hahaha....you do a great job....and this calms you down in the process.......you have to take time to leave the room.......write.......breathe.....shove the doodlepad in my face.......make a face at me......and I can respond back on the doodlepad. BY the time we are done sending messages...no one has yelled or screamed.......and we usually.....meaning mostly you...cope and handle things prett well and are more easily ready to bend.

YEAH for your progress Noah.

I love you

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

You are so cute. We were grocery shopping the other day......2 little ladies walked beside us....down the aisle...you LOUDLY said "look mommy......they are cute....those are LITTLE people"...."one is a grandma and one is just a mommy" (in case anyone does not know....there is a show on cable called Little People or something like that which is about LITTLE people...dwarves.....and their lives....Noah is fascinated with it)

Tonight the Wizard of Oz is on.......the twister scene just took place...Noah was all excited as he loves tornadoes! He was talking about how he had never heard of a town called MUNCHKINLAND......and how the tornado picked Dorothy's house but did not kill her....and then he looked at me and said "thank God the tornado did not kill her but it only moved her and her house far far away." ( I thought to myself yeah or there would not have been a movie!)

I chuckled to hear you. Your speaking is getting so much better all the time.........and.......your PROPER English too....and how you come up with all these cut sentences and phrases....out of YOUR MIND as you say.

i love your mind........i love you

mommy :X

some additional links

ALSO ....don't forget...your local public home school will be able to provide you with a list of what subjects your child should be learning dependent on their age and grade. They sometimes also offer free online helps and aids for homeschooling parents to use as resources. I take advantage of those!

For occupational needs and sensory integration needs you can do from home here are a couple of additional links:

http://www.angelfire.com/tx5/autism/sensoryintegration.html

http://www.autismweb.com/sensory.htm


http://www.autism.org/adviceforparents.html

and therapy tools:

http://www.sensoryedge.com/thbaandeq.html?gclid=CKrC8o3OuogCFTaPJAodLU5teQ

Homeschool helps

I was asked by a blogger friend for some helpful links and suggestions on homeschooling our kids....so then I thought perhaps others out there may be able to find some of my links and information helpful so I thought I would share.......

First off.......in order to be successful in homeschooling I think you have to learn to DE-school as you probably already know. Forget that you always have to have a textbook to teach by...cause in reality you just do not have to.

Noah was not always verbal. In fact he did not really talk at all till about 4 years of age and then it was brief ...1-2 words at a time....and most could not even understand him then. He has made HUGE strides.......he did take some speech therapy but even you can do that at home yourself. For Noah we also checked out some books and videotapes from the local library on SIGN LANGUAGE....and the ones geared for kids..........and he quite easily along with us picked up basic signs for basic communication which helped him tremendously! Here are some helpful links for speech therapy aids and communication aids:

http://www.speakingofspeech.com/homepage.html

http://home.comcast.net/~speechguide/sample.html

http://www.slpwebsites.com/

http://autism.healingthresholds.com/therapy

http://www.deafhomeschool.com/ (yes this site has wonderful speech communication tools)


MOST autistics are very visual.......

We also used PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) or basically little PICTURES of different things or activities or emotions....that you can laminate and put velcro on the backside to make STORY LINES or social stories....or even so the child can go grab ONE picture of let's say "I'm hungry" and bring it to you to show you they are hungry. These can be as detailed or simple as you choose.....you can make your own up or there are sites offering them. Some sites you have to pay...I used www.do2learn.com for most of my PECS till I at least got the hang of the system and then you can pretty much do your own. They explain it pretty well on their site.

I too had hard times with Noah trying school....and he too could not always tell me what happened there.....and he had issues with being HURT or things happening to him it appeared to us anyway.....during school time. I was not happy about that and to be honest I am thankful I yanked him from public school BUT using PICTURES helped him show us what was happening....and he could express himself finally in a way everyone could understand. All he had to do was grab a card with a picture and/or several and make a sentence to communicate with us.

Your local library can have many books you can use for teaching things. I also found some wonderful resources online......and even some FREE ONLINE school stuff that your child (if computer savy) can really have a good time with and learn at the same time! The most recent website for online learning for many grades is at www.iknowthat.com Again it is free but you can also pay for a membership and receive even MORE things.

Also another good one is www.edhelper.com where you can pay a small fee and have TONS of worksheets and teaching tools at your fingertips! They are really good too.

For more free lesson plans including for art and music and such these sites are good:

http://www.lessontutor.com/index.html

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/

http://www.internet4classrooms.com/k12links.htm

http://www.easyfunschool.com/page1056.html

http://www.donnayoung.org/

http://www.thehomeschoolmom.com/schoolroom/unitstudiese.php

http://www.home2school.com/member/login.asp?

http://www.multiplication.com/index.htm

http://teachersmentor.com/k3links/science.html

http://www.dltk-kids.com/

http://www.canteach.ca/index.html

http://www.manythings.org/

http://www.sciencemadesimple.com/

http://www.songsforteaching.com/transitions.htm

http://www.songs4teachers.com/

http://www.voanews.com/specialenglish/english_word_games.cfm

http://www.crayola.com/registration/register.cfm?referer=/educators/lessons/display.cfm?id=444


for kid homework helps this is a good link:

http://www.zen.org/~brendan/kids-homework.html



I also found some wonderful teaching tools at local school supply places or even online such as www.banksschoolsupply.com

AND some at Target...they have cool BIG LEARNING BOOKS with CDs inside that your child and you can work through......they are usually sold by GRADE and include all the basic stuff that grade should be learning. Noah loved these and at only 15.00 per book/CD they were good.

I also just incorporated things into Noah's learning that I wanted him to learn too....or things that interested him. If he was into trains for example we would do extra stories and learning or math all based on a TRAIN theme.

ALSO.......USE THOSE ELECTRONIC learning toys out there...they are GREAT for kids. Noah still uses them. He has used his Leap Pad for lots of learning....especially now that they also sell GRADE LEVEL reading, math, science, social studies, geography, human body, all sorts of subjects. He loves it and he is also PLAYING he thinks so he has a great time but it counts as school and he is learning!

Homeschooling I also let Noah just wing it sometimes. Most times. If he gets tired we don't push things. He will pick things up just in everyday life. Those skills are important too...they are some of the BEST social skills he will ever get! SO even that counts towards school and is usually something they will not be receiving in regular school unless it is written into an IEP plan or something.....and it is so needed. Making and using puppets to act out social stories you come up with also were huge hits. Such as "stranger danger"...."fire safety"......"good manners on the playground"..etc. You can make puppets and then act out scenarios with the child of what NOT to do and then WHAT TO do.......until they "get it!".

It is really so much fun teaching Noah! I wish I had a separate WHOLE room to use as a classroom but even incorporating it into his bedroom or my office area has worked. Even just the kitchen table!

You can also get craft books from the local library for seasons and work on THEME items based on the time of year. Sometimes they even incorporate a story to learn something....for example you might have an apple project and then they also teach you about Johnny Appleseed.

I also found some MUSICAL CDs with learning things on it. Music and song and MOVEMENT are key with Noah. He loves it and it works! I put some song/music links above....those are always great ways to just have fun...move.....take a break.....and work on phonics and communication all at the same time!

I am sure this sounds a bit overwhelming but it does not have to be. In fact.....we no longer go by a SET time to start or even end school. We do it when we want......little bits at a time......I make sure to get the things in there we need to....and it is fine.

OH...and don't forget....your local library has MANY teaching videos now......which are great! AND if your child is not yet very verbal.....DO TRY those Baby Bumblebee videos which basically is just a video made up of kids doing different things and filming of different things and then someone SAYING the word and SHOWING the word on the screen in front of that object. THIS was a GREAT way Noah learned to talk..........I think you can even buy them....but our local library had them....so we would check them out for free. AND they have other learning videos....things on math.....science.......all geared again for kids and FUN!

And take advantage of your local museums, zoos, and even the grocery store for field trips and learning. I believe in teaching your child basic life skills along with required curriculum...so they will be better prepared to be on their own one day. With special needs children this is an even greater requirement that we as parents need to meet.....because they will have an even harder time making it one day in the world. A good head start is great! This can be as simple as having them help you with cooking....which by the way is also a great way to teach them different forms of measurement and fractions. Or having them open a bank account and learning to keep track of money...the value of money....working to save money for something special. They can also help sort laundry and load laundry into the washers and dryer. ANYthing that is part of activities of daily living you can incorporate also into your school day.

Same for basic hygiene skills. I have found making a visual chart works best for Noah.....with a list of things he has to do every day. He can then take stickers and mark off things as he has successfully completed them and he can earn rewards.

I also use rewards in the classroom setting.....but not as much as I used to. I have a glass milk bottle....that we drop old CRAYONs down into whenever Noah has successfully listened for the day. Once the jar is full....he gets to pick a prize from the treasure chest. This is nothing huge...just a plastic container from the dollar store filled with crepe paper wrapped dollar store items. Make the goal ATTAINABLE and the crayon jar or marble jar or whatever you use not TOO large....or they will feel like they are working for nothing!

I did the same thing with a reading program for Noah. I got this huge door-sized paper and drew books on shelves.......sideways.......we wrote in the spines of these drawn on books on this paper the names of books Noah read as he completed them. Once an entire row or shelf of books was completed he got a SPECIAL prize. You can also PURCHASE this same thing from school supply stores for not too much money. Noah loves to read so he really enjoyed this and you will also be amazed at just HOW much you read by keeping track in this way.

For learning all types of religions this link is helpful:

http://www.archaeolink.com/world_religions_lesson_plans.htm

AND I think that is enough to keep most busy. I have never purchased an actual curriculum from anyone or any company. I use a variety of online tools and cheaper things you can find locally to teach Noah. A lot of resources are now free which is ideal. Hope this helps others out there who are thinking about homeschooling their child...whether they are special needs or not!

Dear Noah:

If you look really closely inside your mouth on this picture you would see that your baby front tooth is now hanging so low inside your mouth......it should be about ready to COME OUT! I wish you could keep wiggling it to get it to come out so your new front teeth that are already there would have room to fall down into place!

So wiggle wiggle wiggle!

love you lots

mommy :X

Dear Noah

here is a clip of you doing homeschool with mommy LAST year.....you are such a smart boy...i love you! :X

Dear Noah:

You have been such a joy lately but also such a challenge......thank goodness the toilet paper wiping episode is over...hopefully........you have been much more playful with me than usual which is great!

anyway.........i love you lots........

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

You have been wired like a top lately. Not sure why. It was an experience taking you to Wal*Mart last night. You got sooooo excited to find out that YES INDEED they DO sell the Pillsbury Deluxe Chocolate Chip Cookies with Hershey Kisses that you love!

so........all is well in your world again. For now....cookie withdrawal over........

and I think I am finally starting to feel better.

I love you

mommy ;X

Dear Noah:

You were in a great mood last night. You really enjoyed the marathon yesterday on the Food Network where kids were doing all the cooking!

Then you enjoyed watching Dog Whisperer. ....and finally we danced to some music as I was actually feeling a bit better......and then you said "I want to play with you......come into my room!"

progress is being made

i love you

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

I had a weird dream last night. At the end you were in it. It bothered me so much it woke me up.

that is all I will say about that.

love you my little man! You just had a hissy fit over something......

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

wow. I have been sick all week so I have tried to stay away from you as much as possible...at least not being directly in your room and playing right beside you for long...etc. I have not felt like doing school or playing.....guess you have noticed but took it in an entirely different light.

Yep.........you just came to me and said this" I need to see daddy...I wish daddy would come pick me up and fly me back out to Colorado." When I asked you why you said "cause I love daddy more than you (with a wicked finger pointing) and he gives me more company than you."

This crushed me. I know you do not understand why I have avoided being directly around you this week even though I have told you why. AND you are always the one telling me "no mommy....shut my door....I want privacy" and never want to come out and do anything with me.

Well bud that will change now. No more DAY-LONG privacy sessions for you. You can just get your buttocks out of your room and come out and do things with me whether you want to or not. You will have to play with me regardless of whether you want to or not.

I was afraid this would happen. Yeah...daddy has turned into a FUN person. The person you think you always can do FUN things with and have FUN with. WHY? Because you do not live with him and have REAL LIFE with him. You only see him on vacations and free days. SO when you are with him it is always about having a good time! Daddy does not have to work during that time. He is not sick during that time. He can devote his entire day to you!

I know you notice that. SO when you have to come back to me.........oh no. Reality sets in. It is not always fun here. Sometimes mommy is busy and has to work more so I can pay the bills and that means you have to do things on your own. Sometimes I get too busy with work and feel crappy and it slows me down and I am at it all day long. I cannot stand this but what am I to do?

Sometimes I am sick like now and can barely make it by the normal day let alone do extra special things with you. This week I have not been able to homeschool you because I have just been too sick.

You see it differently. I guess mommy is not fun...not much COMPANY. You are always going into your room and shutting your door. We live in the same house but separate. That has to stop. AND I guess it will start now ...tonight. I guess if you get sick you get sick.

i love you.......but you have really hurt me....even though I am sure you do not have a clue you did.

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

I still feel like crap......though I MAY be getting a bit better. I wish I could snap my fingers and be back to normal health-wise. You have been really good about finding things to do to keep you busy while I am sick.

My work is suffering too. ....I am making all sorts of typos today.

I love you!

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

For 2 nights in a row now you have been sticking your finger up your nose to make it bleed. Picking is one thing.....not sure about this. You came to me and leaned over and whispered in my ear: "now mommy......it is okay for me to eat my blood ..........it is good for my stomach.........is it okay for me to drink blood?" things like that. It sort of freaked me out a bit! I asked you if you liked the taste of blood and you said "OH YES!" all excited. You were wanting reassurance it was okay to drink blood. You kept telling me it would be good for you. I said I thought it was sort of gross....you just laughed and giggled. hum........I know kids can be lacking something nutritionally when they crave things like this. Not sure if this is an actual craving or you just want assurance that because you made your nose bleed picking it......it is okay. I know with your semi-limited diet of foods you eat you most likely are lacking something.

i love you a lot.....but this was sort of spooky.....especially on Halloween night. I wondered if you had seen something about vampires and sucking of blood......but it was not like that.

anyway.....love you lots noah

mommy :X

Dear Noah......Halloween 2006

Well Noah had great weather for trick-or-treating. He had a good time but only made it about an hour...and that was fine. He got a good 3/4 bucket of candy. We stopped at Lowes so I could get more bubble lights. He had fun looking at the appliances...always does. That is a HIGHLIGHT to his trip there.

WHILE there this man who has come up to us before.....wandered over our way again......trying to blow up a balloon for Noah. There is something a bit creepy about this man....and Noah does not like him or want any balloon from him. The man just stands there with a goofy grin on his face.........and Noah cowers INSIDE the cart...starting to have a fit.....I just looked at the man and smiled and said "that is okay but he does not want one".....finally the man said "oh yeah....while I was blowing this up and looking at him I suddenly remembered I have seen you two in here before and he does not like balloons!"

I thought to myself it is not balloons he does not like...it is YOU! He won't leave us alone. Last time there this man followed us all around the store......it even bugged me. IF it happens again I am going to complain to management. I mean you should only have to tell him NO once......and he should leave you alone. He does not seem to get the message.

ANYWAY.......out in the car.......Noah said "I am going to have to kill that man".......so matter-of-factly. I asked "what?" and he repeated "one day I am going to have to kill that man". I was stunned. This is the first time I have ever seen his demeanor change and his entire face take on a different look and he has ever said anything remotely close to that! I guess in his mind it is a simple solution to an ongoing problem. I asked him why he would think he had to do that and he said "because he keeps following me around and won't leave me alone even after I have told him no". I have to admit he had a valid point....but I tried to point out how KILLING someone to get them to leave you alone would NOT be a socially acceptable solution to a problem like that. I explained other OPTIONS to him that would not land his butt in jail for eternity. It became very clear how DIFFERENTLY he sees things from some. How to him this solution he had thought of was simply that! A solution.......not realizing really what KILLING actually meant or entailed. When I asked him if he KNEW what killing meant he said he did not. I asked where he had heard it before......as I do not let him see shows or anything that mentions it let alone shows anyone getting hurt. I do know he had watched his cousins playing a game where they said something about killing people there...so maybe that is it. I don't like him seeing that but I know I cannot protect him from stuff forever either...especially in our society. This is the part of his autism that is extremely difficult to cope with....teaching him SOCIAL skills......things that are right....wrong.......proper positive ways to react to things.....etc. It will be ONGOING his entire life.

We then stopped at Krogers and the other store and finally got home. He was so exhausted as was I. I am fighting off some allergy or cold crap and feel horrible.

We will go trick-or-treating again on Tuesday night at my parent's house. Should be fun and bring back memories of me going around as a child...and they still do theirs at nighttime which will be more fun I think. Noah did ours around here during the daytime...between 2:00 and 4:00 p.m.

Here are some pictures of him at Lowes....in HIS ELEMENT! he LOVES appliances!

Dear Noah: Visit from Daddy October 2006

Well your father made it in for a visit. You were so excited to see him. The entire thing was good but also a bit sad. I knew when it came time for him to say goodbye you would likely have a real problem....and you did.

The visit itself went very well. BUT the night daddy was going to leave things got bad. You jumped in his lap and started to sob......saying how much you were going to miss him......how he needed to move to Ohio.....how he had to come back.........

You even came over to me when Daddy went outside to load the truck.........and said to me " I can love you less so I can love daddy more". "YOU can live in THIS house with all this space and I can go back to Colorado and live in the condo cause I like it better". "It is smaller and a lot of stuff is around me there". "I want to live with daddy and not you....I can talk to you on the phone instead of Daddy". On and on......crying.......pleading....sobbing.......it was horrific. I had to stop and ask myself too if perhaps Daddy put some of those thoughts into your mind....because until NOW you had not even mentioned him much let alone seriously THOUGHT about things like that. I know in the past daddy has basically "used" you to "manipulate me". That is really bad when a parent resorts to that.

BUT you were so sad.....however...when I told you I was filming you on the camera you INSTANTLY became FINE again........acting normal with no crying. I KNOW this is all part of your autism.....and partly just being a regular kid of divorced parents. I imagine this may be a bit harder for you to handle as it has entirely disrupted your life as you knew it. Your environment is different...your old routines no longer exist.......the people in your life have all changed. I feel totally responsible because it was my decision that ripped you up out of your firmly planted feet and life to bring you 1200 miles across country to begin a new life.....perhaps I did not really consider long-term how this might affect you if you did not have your daddy in your life on a semi-daily basis.

In an ideal world we could somehow all cohabit a large living facility where we could lead separate lives but all be together for YOU as well. I don't know if that would even be possible in reality. I suppose it could be.

BUT I will not dwell or go into a lot of detail here about your daddy leaving. It was very difficult for you.......though you did enjoy your visit with him. However, he was only here for 2-1/2 days. I often see how you act around Daddy and wonder if you would feel the same if it were me. Would you miss me? Would you cry when it came time for me to leave? I just wonder because around here most of the time you seem to want to be left alone...."have privacy" in your own room with the door almost completely closed. I have to really work hard sometimes to even get you to come out and eat at the table with me. I know you love me.........and I know there are times you have said you have missed me.....but I have never seen it displayed like you did with your father.

Will one day you decide when you are legally old enough to make a decision like that......that you would prefer living with Daddy? How would that make me feel? It would crush me. I know it would. I am not like your father. I cannot imagine one second of time not being in your life all the time........let alone living 1200 miles or so away from you and only seeing you occasionally. I would not get used to that. I would not even want to try. You have become the biggest part of my world and reason for living. I would be totally lost without you in it.

When it came time for bed you were still crying on and off...talking about how you wanted Daddy to come back next week and stay the entire month of November....how you needed him to BE HERE so you could give him hugs and kisses and tell him you loved him in person. I told you to give Daddy hugs and kisses and tell him you love him any time you want. On the phone, on the computer.....and before you go to sleep....you could close your eyes and talk to daddy......tell him you love him......and do hugs in your mind and fall asleep. I told you to call him the next day and ask him if he felt you giving him hugs and kisses the night before and I was sure he would say "YES!". You laid there......looking sad......still sobbing.....quietly.........trying to stop. You were thinking about something....and when I asked you whispered " I am thinking about Daddy and I am trying to give him hugs and kisses".

So lots of tears have passed......even a lot from me. This whole situation is such a sad one. It was my decision to get pregnant and have a child and bring you into this world. I DO NOT regret that....however....if I had any doubts about staying married to your father (WHICH I DID at the time I got pregnant)... I should have realized that would not be fair to you. I had always said if I ever had a child I would likely never divorce no matter what....because of the child. Your daddy knew this and used it to manipulate me too. Of course I realized later things happen beyond our control and the other person involved can make some dumb choices of their own in life affecting our lives...........so my opinion of that changed. Now we will likely just have to spend years making this huge adjustment in our lives. AND something tells me you will be fine......except for every time you see daddy and it comes time to leave. OR one day when you come to me crying and say you would prefer living with daddy.

anyway.....i love you.......and I am truly sorry for destroying the only life you had ever know since you were born...with me and daddy both in your world all the time.....surrounding you all the time......but we will have to work together to make a new life.....new beginning.....new start to new routines and fun together.

I love you noah wesley....forever I will

mommy :X

UPDATE: Daddy already called on his way back home....you talked to him for a SHORT time.....telling him on the other end "I don't want to talk to you too long" (cause your PC game was waiting in your room). SO I remain confused....not exactly sure what to think....knowing this all bothers you tremendously......and yet again if I keep you busy and bring others into your life....you are less affected and handle things much easier. Such a complete turn around from how you were even last night before falling asleep.

Dear Noah:

Well your daddy did finally decide to make the drive by himself across country to come in for a visit. He also wanted to surprise you.....so we did not tell you he was coming. First off you were still recovering from the overload this past weekend at the Halloween party. SO you have been a bit tired and semi-touchier than usual.

Anyway.....once Daddy was here he called from the driveway of our home...I said I would send you out to get the mail. I wish I would have recorded your reaction it was so precious! You opened the door to go get the mail.......looked behind you and up at the sky as usual.....checking out the day and getting ready to make a comment on how the weather looked for us for the night......when you started to turn around and looked toward the driveway and you saw Daddy there! You squealed with such delight and excitement....went running to him and lept into his arms and wrapped your arms and legs around his body and held on for dear life shouting "I didn't know you were coming!!" "I did't know you were here!" "OH I am SO EXCITED!" You were so happy I think you almost started crying. I know it about made me cry.

Once all of us came back inside you noticed Daddy and I talking to each other "fine". You came over and placed both of your hands on either side of my cheeks and asked me "so mommy are you happy now?" I asked you what you meant........and then you said something to the effect that you apparently had noticed I was talking to Daddy just fine and we were getting along OKAY and did not sound MAD anymore or yelling at each other...etc. I made it clear that while we were NOT mad at each other.....we also were not getting back together as we could not live together. BUT that we both loved you very much and we could always do things together......but not live together. I asked if you understood and you said you did and quickly moved on to other things. You could not wait to go spend the next couple of days with Daddy in the hotel!

Course I called today to see how you were doing. Daddy had tried taking you to a McDonalds to play in the play area and for breakfast. I rarely if ever do that anymore as a confined play area that echoes the sounds in the room made by kids is not easy for you to handle. In fact you just do not normally handle it well at all these days so I purposefully avoid those places. BUT you were there...kids started coming in....it got louder and louder......you did not want to share this certain play area toy with anyone else.......and of course another child wanted to play with it too. This upset you....and apparently you had a meltdown. Great.....here we go again. You were telling Daddy you wished you could have the entire play area to yourself! You wished you were the ONLY BOY IN THE WHOLE WORLD.....BUT you were also overloaded......have been for a few days now......and this is the time of year you get overloaded so easily. I guess it is not Daddy's fault ......he has not been around you recently to know you could not handle this. SO he apparently got you calmed down enough to finally leave. I am sure this exhausted you.

You spent the day together and when I called you did NOT want to talk to me on the phone. Which is fine......I had Daddy hold the phone down to you anyway so I could talk to you. You accept this method. SO I told you I loved you and missed you but was glad you were having a good time with Daddy. It is all about staying safe too......I cannot express that enough.

Tomorrow night we were supposed to go to a parade downtown and then trick or treating to the local merchants afterwards....but it is supposed to rain. Our city we lived in out in Colorado is under a blizzard watch......amazing.......sounds like they will get dumped on. I imagine we will get too much rain tomorrow and tomorrow night to go to any parade...but we will see. We will at some point all end up together and have some time together. Unfortunately for you Daddy has to go back on Friday morning....so it will only be a couple day visit for you.

Anyway....I am tired tonight. The house feels so disturbingly quiet and strange without you here. SO depressing. I realized I truly function FOR YOU. Without you here I am at a loss. AND it is not like I do not have things needing done...but I can scarcely concentrate on much these days let alone not think about you or wondering about you long enough to actually accomplish anything. Does this get any easier I wonder the older you get? AND even if I had another person living here with me now.......then what. It all comes back to "what's it all really about anyway?"

Seems I know at least one purpose I was put here on earth.........to be here for YOU and to help you. Otherwise lately I am at a loss.

I love you so much Noah Wesley. I miss you an incredible amount and you have only been away for 24 hours. I think I have called you about 4 times.

Mommy :XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear Noah: Aunt Angela's Halloween Party 2006

wow.....have you been excited about THIS event. Needless to say you had a very difficult time. If nothing else my family I guess got to see more of how you CAN be at times when you get over-stimulated. You got very upset about many simple things yesterday including some music someone had turned on in the kitchen/dining room area while we were going to eat. You covered your ears and started crying and crying saying you could not have that music on. I asked you if it scared you (as it was Halloween spooky-type music) and you said "yes.....and it is mean.....it is ugly!" and proceeded to cry and cry. FINALLY thank goodness Angela told them to turn it off. I think your cousin Audrey found all of this a bit amusing how it scared you as she liked it a lot.....and I think they were all a bit shocked how you acted. One advantage of this happening from time to time is the fact that they are slowly I THINK getting more used to it and realizing you are different and do have "issues" from time to time that will be blatantly obviously different from the "norm" ...whatever that may be. Dad kept asking what I had fed you prior ....."chocolate?", "candy?"......and mom just kept saying in a low voice "this is how he can get when he gets too excited". Grandma just sat there eating and such as is more used to it than anyone I suppose since we lived there with her for a few months when we got here to Ohio....though in smaller group settings and a more non-changing environment (like not at a party)......you do very well and are pretty quiet and pretty much able to sit for a period of time. Yesterday you were literally bouncing off the walls, the floor, the furniture at times.....had a difficult time sitting still....a more difficult time adjusting to different things though you were able to recover in a few minutes from most things. You seemed to cry about something about every 15 minutes or so.....not being able to sit on a cardtable chair as it was too cold as it was metal and you had to sit on a wooden chair. Wanting to ONLY sit at the end of the table. Being upset cause your aunt Melissa did not sit beside you so you could give her hugs and kisses during the meal. Wanting to spin in aunt Angela's office chair and knocking over her big jug of soda. It seemed endless and you became more exhausted by each thing that happened. BY the time we left you were almost a walking zombie...in the car this became more obvious.......and I imagine it will take you a few days to recover.

This is the time of year you start to have more problems I have noticed in the past few years......with handling things. I am not sure if it is a change in the seasons and movement into the HOLIDAYS that does it or what....but you have reacted this way every year for about 4-5 years now. Well.....your entire life really....as you did things even when you were only a year or two old.

You of course had to be a traffic light for your costume. You came up with the idea.....and painted it....etc. Here are some pictures from the party:

autism links

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Aspies For Freedom This site has autism and aspergers forums with information for parents of children with autism and for adults on the spectrum. It has an autism chat room and articles on autism rights issues. The attached autism wiki is filled with info on autism education, autism therapies and autistic behaviour explanations. It's a really positive site overall.
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Mozart and the Whale fansiteFansite for the Asperger's Syndrome film. It is a love story about two people on the autism spectrum who find romance in a world that misunderstands them.
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The Geek SyndromeThe Geek test for asperger's syndrome. Test yourself to see if you are an 'Aspie' or on the autism spectrum. Also includes information on Aspergers Syndrome for people with an interest in neurodiversity.
Autism Prenatal TestThis site discusses all the social and medical implications of searching for, and discovering a prenatal test for autism. It includes articles on prenatal tests, autism, and eugenics.
Autism StatisticsGet the real statistics on autism from Government verified sources, charities, and education systems. Knowledge is power. Find the facts on autism education, employment, medication, occurence, and effectiveness of therapies.
Jobs For AutisticsAdvice for autistics looking for work, How To Guides, CVs and resumes, where to find jobs by country. Offers the opportunity for employers to contact those seeking work.
AutisticsAutism site with autism forums, autism chat rooms, lots of information and parents forums for advice.
Autism ChatRoomLooking for an online support chat room for parents with autistic children? Try Autism ChatRoom. If you are an adult with aspergers syndrome we have a chat room too, and even one for kids and teens on the autism spectrum.
Prenatal Test For AutismRead about the action over the prenatal test for autism here.
Aspergers.AtDeutsche Asperger Syndrom seite. Mit forum und chat.

Noah doing QUICK math

Here is a clip of my son Noah. I just discovered about a week ago he has an ability to now do math problems very quickly.......similar to a human calculator. I am sure it has a lot to do with his autism and how his brain works......but while he has always liked numbers....this ability just emerged. He has always been fascinated with maps and highways and interstates and road signs and speed limits and house plans and now traffic lights. He can tell you what highway runs where......where it ends......what intersects with it....etc. He is amazing. BUT this is a new ability I have discovered he has. You can ask him what age he will be in any year and he INSTANTLY knows the answer. I am anxious to see how this blossoms! I know it is difficult to hear....it was hard to get him to sit still as you will see in the video

http://media.putfile.com/Noah-doing-math

Dear Noah:

We went to our grandma C.'s house on Friday cause that was the day of my final court hearing for my divorce to get "unmarried" as you said so eloquently the other night. I did decide to try to explain to you what I was doing....and I think you understood it all pretty well.

SO we spent the day at grandma's house and my mom (your grandma Lincoln) was also there and some of my uncles showed up later. It was a nice visit but my one uncle erased a picture you had drawn on your magnadoodle and had been waiting patiently till we had finished talking so you could show it to him. I could see you were getting a bit distressed as this uncle CAN tease and his teasing with you is not ever going to be a good mix. I tried explaining a couple of times he could not do those things to you but he did not get it Iguess. HE DID understand however when he erased your picture without even giving you a chance to show it to him or talk about it...cause you totally lost it. We could not even think about implementing the CALM DOWN book routine as you were already past the point of no return in this MAJOR meltdown. I sat there and could see the rage building.....now we have worked really hard on how to handle that rage and express it in a positive way......but again....you were over the limit.......so you stood there......got really rigid.......red......shook......and then you started slapping both of his hands over and over and over really hard........and you pushed his hands.......and slapped them again........stomped your feet......came to me....started crying sooooo hard. It took forever for you to recover from this and for me to redirect how you SHOULD have reacted .......what to do the next time....etc. Our normal routine for such events.

Course my uncle later said "wow....that's the first time I ever saw him act like that!!!!"

what did he think? I had tried warning him. There are times I honestly think they all think you are just a normal little kid ......till something like this happens which is so OBVIOUSLY NOT the typical reaction for a child to have. THEN for a brief moment they get it. THEN for a brief moment they can understand OUR world.......

Little did he know the reason he has never SEEN that from you before is that I am always on the sidelines......always coaching you......in very subtle ways....some not so subtle......but always there.....coaching.......reminding.......removing you from a situation I know will set you off. I PREVENT things from happening 99% of the time. I have become so good at doing this even I am not aware I am doing it sometimes. I have made it all look very natural......like we are doing nothing special just to have you BE present at a family function and be okay and handle it.

ANYWAY......as usual after a reaction like that....you became a zombie afterwards.........this totally drains you.....

I looked back......and realized the last time you had an episode like that was back in Colorado when we were around your father all the time....cause that happened nearly every day and more than once per day in our lives there. It reminded me of just how far we have come......how much progress you have made......and how no child needs to live in that sort of stress.......go through that anguish over and over.......

all reinforcing the divorce decision......

here you do so well. I can control our environment. I can expose you to more as I think you can handle it. EVERYONE still thinks I am creating a social misfit. You are social. You do well socially. You play with neighbor kids......you play at the park with kids........you play with your cousin very well......you do well at family affairs now.......(as long as someone does not do something like Friday that upsets you too much). Most times even if you become upset...you can work through it.

Anyway.........i love you so much noah. You keep calling your future wife your MOTHER. You called my uncle's wife his MOTHER.....I find it interesting you cannot distinguish the difference between a wife and mother.

mommy :X

Dear Noah:

You have discovered what being "funny" is. I made you spaghetti sauce and garlic toast the other night and our house smelled sooo good. You were in the bathroom and had yelled for me to come "check your butt" as you just had a bowel movement.

On my way walking into the bathroom I said "our house smells soooo good....just like an Italian restaurant" to which you very promptly replied with a devilish grin on your face "NOT in here!"


hahahahahah.........you are hilarious! You are cracking jokes all the time these days.......and are really starting to understand what FUNNY things mean!

You know this causes me to think. It seems eventually you always get to where you need to be with talking or understanding things or developmental milestones. You get there...just on your own time. SO perhaps we really do not need to be too overly concerned about lack of progress sometimes because for the past 7 years......the truth is this....you ALWAYS eventually accomplish whatever it is you are supposed to be accomplishing for that time in your life.

Stress is off me a lot more since I have realized and accepted this. I even let you do school more at your own pace now and do not PUSH it down your throat.

i love you...my little stinky butt!

mommy :X

NUMBERS!

Tonight I discovered you have an incredible ability. I at whim asked you...."do you know how old you would be in 2033?" and you INSTANTLY answered "34!!" matter-of-factly. This actually started on Sunday at Grandma C.'s house. We were talking about the future and dates and you started doing this then.

Tonight different dates got brought up again. I wanted to see if last night had been a fluke or you really COULD easily and INSTANTLY come up with the answers to questions like that in your head. AND YOU DID. EVERY single time I asked you a year in the future and how old you would be you would answer me......and then you took it a step further and many times compared YOUR future age to how much older you would be then from Grandma C.'s age now. I find this incredible. I asked you how you could do this....did you figure it out in your mind or did you just see the answer in your mind. You said you could just SEE the answer in your mind. It was incredible...something I have only seen done in movies!

I think you are incredible......and you are really blossoming into a most amazing young man.

I love you! :X

a couple more

couple of close ups

Brumbaugh Fruit Farm October 2006

So Sunday we headed to Brumbaugh Fruit Farm. We had a great time. I had NO idea this place was a 45 acre apple farm that had so much to offer for kids and adults or entire families to do in the fall! They had hay rides......campfires...bean bag toss....puppies to pet....a 20 foot and 40 foot slide....arial swings...storybook forest.....Johnny Appleseed Trail....goats, chickens, swings, human hamster wheels, hay mounds, corn bin to play in like sand, caterpillar train, bakery, store. It was amazing. We had a ball. AND a pumpkin patch to boot! The entire place smelled like apple donuts or apple fritters......and I did stop and pick up a couple of the apple fritters on the way out and talk about out of this world! Anyway......not sure if you can see these pictures in this collage very well......but Noah and I had so much fun.

Fire Parade October 2006

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Noah and I went to the annual Fire Prevention Parade in my hometown yesterday. This meant going to my parents' house and spending the day with them...BBQ chicken dinner......the works. I have to say......it was one of the best days we have had since coming back to Ohio. Noah did very very well. He does better all the time. Having his cousin Audrey who is 6 years old around him helped a lot. She is very good with him.....helping him to feel more comfortable about things...encouraging him to try new things...etc. Of course Noah wanted NOTHING to do with the parade for fear of the sirens and noises in the parade from the fire trucks and such....and the clowns....but once he found out his cousin was going he changed his mind. I KNEW it would important for him to at least TRY this social outing...so we went down to the street corner and lined up our lawnchairs. Once there Noah started to get nervous. He started saying he did not think he wanted to do this.....was getting afraid....wanted to go back to the house...and I just kept acting like it would be okay and would be fine (hoping inside my own mind he would not freak out when the sirens started wailing as the firetrucks came down the street).

Noah did his best to cope with the anxiety going along with the PRE-parade jitters by spinning in the yard.....trying to find a place to hide...I kept wishing I had taken a big blanket he could have hidden under. I finally told him to sit on the ground BEHIND the chairs...which he did. This somehow made him feel more safe.......and secure....hidden....

Here came the police car that signaled the start of the parade.......he got all excited....jumped up and announced to everyone the parade was starting. He wanted to wave to everyone in the parade (he has even been waving to people he sees inside the grocery store as we pass them in our cart). Anyway......he started out in the position you will see at the end of this film clip......BEHIND the chair with both hands covering his ears....but as the parade went on.....he started removing one hand from his ears to wave.....then he stood up.....came around to the front of the chair and finally sat down....eventually both hands came off the ears and he was having a good time...only occasionally putting them over his ears if the sound got really bad. He did get up and run and hide behind a tree when the clowns came by....but heck...I had to resist an impulse to do the same! Is there anyone who does not get freaked out by clowns>?

Noah had a great day. He got through this and learned some social skills yesterday too. Audrey and him played together very well too......and we had one of the best days ever!

Dear Noah:

lately it has been extremely difficult. You are going through a mood lately where you just want to be alone in your room all the time. I can briefly get you to come out at various times during the day. Most of the time you just tell me "I want privacy" as you are shutting your door.

This makes it really tough to have any meals.........and most of those times you complain about how my food smells bad and it gags you making it nearly impossible for you to stay there with me while we try to eat together.

OR you just come out and tell me to NOT look at you or to GO AWAY so you again can have your PRIVACY while you eat.

I realize these are just moments in time......phases that usually do not last too long......but I worry they will continue and never go away. The longest time you were like this was about 8 months. Six months for sure. It was very difficult. I could barely get your dressed every day let alone out of the house ever for anything....even doing things you enjoyed doing.

I do not take any of this personally other than the fact that I feel like a total failure sometimes as a mom. I am also your school teacher here at home and I feel like I am really slacking on that lately. Of course your mood lately really puts a damper on getting you to want to participate in anything we HAVE to do. I know it will all get done......and you are learning.....so I don't fret much over this anymore.

BUT I often wonder if I should allow you to stay there in your room.....or at your computer for as long as you want to sometimes......though I have to admit those times I do try to take advantage and just sometimes give myself a break. I feel so guilty when I just LET you go with YOUR flow to give ME a break.

anyway.................hopefully we can start doing more fun things together again real soon. I am living with you but there are times I feel like I live totally alone....or at the very best I am just watching a tv show called Noah's World.

i love you lots......

mommy :X

my so-called BRILLIANT plan

okay....so I decided to try to get up really super early again to start working here at home. Yeah right. This means going to bed when Noah goes to bed......or around 10:00 PM. Okay..that is easy enough.

THEN it means getting up in time to START work by 3:00 AM! Yeah......before Noah was born I switched to a night shift so I could work when he slept so I could have more time with him during the day. YES...this means I have been chronically sleep deprived for about 7 years now.

However....since moving back to Ohio from Colorado.......the time change messed me up. I found I could no longer easily GET UP and STAY UP at 2:30 a.m. and get by on 3-4 or even 5 hours of sleep! YES...I required MORE. AND let's face it. SEVEN years have gone by.....my body just cannot always keep up to the HIGH demands I make on it.

SO......since I have a harder time getting things accomplished without distractions once Noah is awake (and NO I am NOT blaming him).......I decided to try working in the wee hours again. Well....I did successfully do this TWICE thus far this week. However....I am now soooooo exhausted......too tired to even sleep. I could be taking a nap but I am too tired to fall asleep.

This messes with the clarity of my mind. Safety issues surmount. I nearly burned the place down today after I turned on a skillet with oil in it to fry some chicken tenders for Noah and got distracted by him in the bedroom and came out to see the place all SMOKEY and the pan nearly ready to burst into flames. These are things I NEVER do......well......cannot say NEVER anymore now can I?>?

yep......this is when you make stupid stupid mistakes that can be deadly. I am not going to even attempt driving anywhere. I am like a walking zombie.

It also toys with my thoughts......or LACK thereof. I can be grumpier.......yeah.......even BITCHY at times I suppose and more easily TICKED off at things that normally do not bother me.

I look in the mirror and I see a really tired person staring back at me...asking me......."WHY are you trying to do this again?" It does no one any good. I have no energy to complete the tasks here at home I must.....including homeschooling Noah. I feel pretty worthless. I feel like a really bad mom.......worse teacher..........provider......NONE of the above.

I also feel like a crappy girlfriend....who wants to put up with my shit while I do nothing but complain about their shit?

SHIT...I have said SHIT now how many times? MY grasp of the English language has gone to hell in a hand basket.

Dear Noah:

The last few nights you have had a hard time sleeping and falling asleep. OR STAYING asleep! The night before last you got up in the middle of the night and said you were hot....needed a fan......needed a brighter nightlight......after a short time I got you re-situated back in bed.

LAST night around 11:30 p.m. you got back up .....crying.......saying you were starving! You had told me earlier around 9:00 (ONE hour before bed) you were hungry but I said that was too close to bed to eat M&Ms (your preferred SNACK). I told you if you were hungry you could eat real food or crackers this close to bed. You chose NOT to. SO here you came at 11:30 p.m. crying saying you were STARVING and needed a snack. I was so mad.....but can understand if you were hungry how bad that is trying to fall asleep HUNGRY. I said you could have crackers or a bowl of bananas...your sometimes in-between food when you are torn on what to eat. YOU QUICKLY accepted the Gerber Stage 3 bananas......and inhaled them like there was no tomorrow. Back to pee and into bed and you were sound asleep pretty quickly!

THIS CANNOT keep happening and I do hope and pray it is not a new trend or phase you are going to start going through.

I love you anyway.......oh...yesterday you got your first traffic light for your collection. I gave you a traffic light LAMP which you love. If we switch the bulbs out to non-blinking you could use that for a better nightlight at night....though it may distract you too much.

love you

mommy

Dear Noah:

So you have really been getting into Charlie Brown books...which I think is great. Problem is....you are starting to talk like some of them do....and it is not always great. Lucy calls people and things "STUPID" a lot. You think it is funny. You laugh at Linus' hair standing straight up on end......almost to the point of falling out of your chair you laugh so hard. You like to say "rats" and "good grief" now. The true mimic for sure.

To this point. We were at grandma C.'s house the other night for dinner. A politician promoter was going door to door leaving flyers on mailboxes. This bothered you. SO you went out and grabbed the first flyer off the mailbox. Not 5 minutes later the guy came back with ANOTHER flyer...(guess he figured this house was missed as there was no flyer). THIS TOTALLY freaked you out.....you opened the door and ran out and yanked it off the mailbox and brought it in!

You stood guard over the open door. It was chilly outside and grandma had her heat on and I said to shut the door. You said "no mommy....I have to stand here in case that STUPID man comes back with another STUPID flyer and I will tell him NOOOOOOO...don't leave us another one we already have TWO!!!"

grandma got to laughing.....so did I .......hahah...it was funny.......but probably not great you said STUPID. I know that is not a bad word and it could be worse. You could be saying a cuss word. However...I never liked the word stupid and do not like for anyone to call someone else stupid....or things stupid. It was a word I was careful to never use around you or let others use around you.

AND this is an example as to why I did not....

but anyway......I do find it hilarious now when you will wail out "oh good grief" as you run down the hallway giggling.

mommy loves you Noah......:X