Dear Noah:

Well you have been doing FANTASTIC with potty training. You are now peeing and pooping in the potty ALL the time and do it all by yourself. We will have to work with wiping after bowel movements but you do all the other stuff yourself including wiping yourself after peeing. YOU ARE AMAZING and as usual....you were late in doing this but seemed to master it overnight!! We are so happy and you are going around telling everyone you are 6 YEARS old and a BIG BOY now.

Today we had to take my truck to get a nail out of the tire and the tire patched. I guess we ran over one at the construction sites somewhere looking at new homes? Your guess would be as good as ours right now.

Your little personality is really growing and changing. We are becoming such a wonderful helpful little boy!!! We love you so much!

Mommy and Daddy

Dear Noah:

Well...today was a good day..till this afternoon/evening. This morning we all went to a Christmas Open House at the Pillar of Fire castle and they had a wonderful carnival going on and they had hay rides, carriage rides, games for kids to play....slides....jumping/bouncing things...etc. You had a ball! We did not go up the 60 FOOT high slide with you that you had to sit on a burlap sack on to slide down it! YOU DID...MANY TIMES. It was a hot sunny day but the breeze finally kicked in and the day was gorgeous. You got so red so fast.

TODAY was even more special because it was the first day you actually WENT OUT IN THE PUBLIC WITHOUT any pull ups on. You did great!! We were so proud of you!! Before leaving home I asked if you would be able to pee or poop in someone else's potty if you had to because that was a real issue for you before. You said "yes Mommy". SO...I packed some extra underwear, shorts and a couple of pulls up in case and off we went. YOU STUNNED me and your daddy. You went to the Castle's bathroom and peed....then to Fazoli's bathroom to pee.....then you peed in Big Lots potty! WOW. I was so happy and proud of you.

However...when we came home you decided to NOT poop in the toilet but do it in your underwear instead. That ticked me off. SO...no computer for you...I had to YELL at you to get you to even listen to me. I had to paddle/swat your butt which I HATED doing as I DO NOT want you to be afraid of me or be sad and unhappy or have bad memories etc..of things from your childhood. BUT..I guess there are unfortunately some times when you as a parent just HAVE TO LAY DOWN THE LAW. I guess I did that with you today a FEW TIMES. You ended up pooping in the potty ONCE today and in your underwear 4 other times. What messes. The last time (was when) I caught you off guard by swatting your butt and yelling at you. I felt so bad...and sorry...but you needed to listen to me and I guess I could say that unfortunately the paddling/swat got your attention! AND of course this was all happening while I was trying to talk to someone I know in Ohio...never fails..this always happens when I get on the phone. SO.....I cleaned you up...and explained things to you and then told you to go to bed. I tucked you in.....told you I was sorry I had to paddle/swat you but that you needed to listen. I asked you if your forgave me...you said yes...and then asked if I forgave you..I said yes....we kissed and I wiped your tears and you fell asleep.

NOW I sit out here typing and feel like a total jerk. I worry about what you thought or will think of me. I do pray and hope nothing bad. I HATE being the way I was with you tonight and I hate it even more that I seem to have to raise my voice to you and your daddy to get either one of you to listen to what I am saying...which brings me to MY dad and how he was and how I hated that and I remember living like I was walking on eggshells all the time and never knowing if he was going to hit me (but not swatting on the butt via a diaper) or someone else for no reason even! NO person needs or should have to live like that. I NEVER want to be like him in that regard and have tried very hard to NOT be....but then there are days like today and I wonder if I have turned into him even if for a few hours. OUCH.

SO..I am truly sorry and do hope and PRAY TO GOD you will GET IT and start peeing and pooping in the potty ALL the time and be good at it and accomplish this so we can all move forward to other things in our lives. I pray I have not been too hard on you and that you remember the consequences for your actions or lack of actions but that you are also not afraid of me or worry about what I will do to you...etc. I made sure to only paddle you or swat you on your butt. THAT would be the ONLY appropriate place and I really am not one for paddling to begin with..but if someone MUST paddle (and by this I mean SWAT) it should only be on the butt.

Well..as usual I am rattling on and on. Something I seem to do when I try to convince myself I am okay and we will all be okay and the world is okay and we are all forgiven of our continual sins...and tomorrow will be a better day!!

I LOVE YOU more than you will ever possibly know.

Your mommy!!

Dear Noah:

YAHOOOOOO! You finally POOPED in the potty today!!!!

Dear Noah:

Well...today I had the last straw. I decided to work with you on potty training FULL TIME! I do NOT want to get mad at you and yell at you or scare you. I grew up being afraid of my dad most of the time and sometimes even my mom...and I do NOT want you to have to live like that. However...you are 5 1/2 years old and will start Kindergarten this fall. HIGH time to toss away the excuses and get you to finish potty training. I hate being so TOUGH on you but so far today has gone pretty well. I have told you NO computer games till you poop in the potty today. I also told you no more eating out.....or going swimming till you poop in the potty. You have peed in the potty several times today as I told you this morning to say goodbye to your pull ups!!! I guess I have had my limit. I never dreamed I would have a 5 1/2 year old and still have them in pull ups and using wipes..etc...unless of course something was wrong with them. I don't think there is any reason why you cannot learn to potty. I think you are just stubborn mostly and do not want to do it. As long as you wear pull ups you will not even pee in the potty. SO...around the house no more pull ups. IF we go somewhere and you are still training...we may put you in a pull up. HOWEVER..back into regular underwear at home and continuing to work on it!! I know you have had problems in the past with different things in your short life. I also know you have a hard time staying focused sometimes on things which could be preventing you from being successfully potty trained. I think there COULD be many reasons...but it is time to BUCK UP as they say and really get serious about it and at least keep trying to succeed! So...I do pray and hope you will accomplish this soon and gain confidence to do things yourself. You are dressing yourself now and doing more things all the time by yourself. I love you dearly but am also trying to teach you to do some things on your own...which will only help you be more able to take care of yourself in the future someday!

LOVE YOU SON!!

Mommy